To wonder what to make of this?

[Thistledew]

Or rather, was DH BU in not knowing what to think or do?

He was in the barbershop earlier getting a haircut. There was a woman in there with two DCs, aged about 4 and 5, all of African ethnicity (may be relevant in terms of the haircuts they were getting).

Both DCs, when they were sitting in the barbers chair having their hair cut with clippers, were crying in apparent distress, and having to be restrained by the mother and the barber. They both displayed the same behaviour, but the second watched his brother impassionately, before displaying the same hysterics once in the chair. Both boys immediately stopped crying as soon as the hair cut was finished.

What would you make of it? DH felt that the boys were genuinely distressed, and was concerned that they were persisting with the haircuts, but, given that it was an odd thing to cause distress, didn't quite know whether he should have said something.

What would you have done?

It's just another day at the office for the barber, the children would forget within 10 minutes.

My dd is mixed race, lots of her cousins are black or mixed race. Just to add to the mix, dd also has AS with sensory difficulties.

They have all screamed and yelled at hair cuts and washing and combing despite our best efforts to be gentle and caring. Their grandparents would've been far more no nonsense.

They are now all in their teens, they are well adjusted young people, with great hair they can laugh about their early trauma, don't stress.

Plenty of kids get distressed when getting hair cut. I used to have to have ds sitting on me eating choc buttons! Your dh should not have done anything and should forget about this complety normal event!
How many trips to barber do you expect this woman to make? Better to just quick run clippers over hair and get it done. Esp as prob for school tmw

Yabvu, my ds 3 was like this last year when he was 2 in the barber, now he is older he is not, he understands much more and likes the Barber. Yes he has a clipper cut you describe, we are not African . The boy might have had SN, or just not like the barber. Overreaction.

My ds used to scream and sound 'genuinely distressed' 2 minutes after he was fine and liked his hair cut. He is better now at four, but still has to be bribed. The screaming has stopped though.

Your dh should have just ignored it. Although I do find people without kids are often quite distressed by kids crying. Dbro used to get upset when dd cried even when I assured him she wasn't as upset as she sounded.

Now he has kids of his own, and when ds cries it doesn't bother dbro as much.

My ds goes insane during haircuts. It has to be done though, otherwise it's in his eyes.

I do now use a mobile hairdresser though because the screaming was hideous for me and the hairdresser and the other people getting their haircut. And ds calmer in his own environment.

My 6 year old is fine having it cut in fact enjoys it, hates me washing it though. He picks and chews his nails so they never get cut by me.

Glad your dh hasn't seen me cut ds1's hair in the past then. I used to shave his head because he would scream and cry getting it done so shaving it was the best option he wouldn't have sat for a scissors cut so it would end up half done. So I'm.guessing the mum probably gets her boys head shaved for the same reason.

Ds is three and a half and becomes HYSTERICAL when having his hair cut. He has unfortunately inherited my lovely, very fast growing, thick, poker straight hair. Which means he needs a hair cut every 6 weeks minimum.

I always tell myself that it's fine because other people understand.

Your post just goes to show that's not the case.

As others have said, many children cry and scream having their haircut. Some start before they even get through the door. Once it's started being cut it can't really be left half done and as the children cry and get worked up the hair sticks to their wet faces and goes in to the open mouths, que spitting dribbling and more screaming, five minutes after its finished they are usually fine and smiling. Most grow out of it pretty quick.

I hope for your sake you never witness an autistic child being taken for a haircut/their parents trying to cut their hair! You'd suffer PTSD just watching the attempt. (Attempt because you can't keep going with some!)

Seriously, some kids get upset at haircuts. It's up to the parents what they do. They have to get over the fear. Sometimes there are haircuts for reasons other than purely visual ones.

I also don't think their ethnicity has anything to do with it! A lot of males have their hair cut with slippers and scissors can be just as distressing, more dangerous in fact when you have a resistant child!

My toddler let a woman do it the first time about a year ago but since then I have taken him to another shop where it's a man - not sure if this makes a difference, probably not - but he didn't want it done, and didn't get as far as crying before I stopped it.

I cut his hair at home when he is asleep if necessary or else when he will allow it - it's not perfect but it avoids distress and that is I'm afraid my priority, in a situation where the issue at hand doesn't really matter.

If my children were crying about their hair being cut I would stop it. Honestly why does anyone prioritise a decent haircut over their child's right not to have it done?

I know it is unlikely to hurt them, but if it upsets them, why continue? For the sake of looks? For fear of being judged to be a poor parent if they have untidy hair? I can kind of understand the latter - there is pressure there I'm sure.

I just ignore it - plenty of time to fuss about hair when they are big enough to care what they look like. Eventually most children will ask for a proper haircut so they can look like their friends.

Sorted.

My DS used to become hysterical having his hair cut. I would physically restrain him.

Minute it was finished he would be fine.

He has autism and sensory issues.

Ok. Thanks all. I guess DH WBU to be concerned. Although niether of us had ever seen a child react so dramatically to getting their hair cut before! It just seems a bit funny that if it were an animal rather than a child the woman would definitely be considered to be unreasonable not to have worked on desensitisating her pet so that it didn't become distressed!

And gudrun I made DS have his hair cut because he hated having it brushed either and it was the least hard option.

I don't much give two hoots what he looks like, but I'd rather deal with him being able to see without having a daily,battle!

I used to wait until DS was asleep to cut his hair for this very reason. Cut one side, roll him over and cut the other and fuck up both sides in different ways. He scared the barber the first time he had it cut properly due to his reaction!
They'll probably grow out of it - he did fairly quickly and at 15 is mildly obsessed about having his hair cut perfectly

My eldest used to wet himself when he got his hair cut. We did it as infrequently as possible and left it long. Until we got lice, then it was a number 2 all over. In the end i bought my own clippers to do it with. It was easier to deal with the tears/screaming/wee in my kitchen.

Mine have both gone through the screaming blue murder stage during haircuts, no amount of explanation, bribery makes any difference!

Both used to have the clippers too as then it was so short we could wait longer to go again!!

My son hated having his hair cut up until a year and a half ago. I had to do it myself until then. I now bribe him with a McDonalds. I also have to cut his nails when he is asleep. He's 7 and I don't see this stopping for a long time. He definitely has sensory issues.

I have to restrain my son to brush his teeth. What am I going to do? If I don't brush his teeth I'm a bad parent. If I force him to brush his teeth I'm a bad parent. Meh.

Teeth matter far more than hair IMO. Yes, if it gets very tangled it will be painful but there is still the option to do it in a minimalistic manner when they are asleep.

I don't see any good reason why a little child should be made to cry for a haircut. Especially not very frequently. I think sometimes people have skewed priorities about things like this due to social pressure, and I would far prefer to see scruffy little kids than see them crying in a hairdressing shop.

But I guess some think differently.

Thistle sometimes you can try to desensitize until the cows come home, yet still get the same reaction when the time comes!

I used to restrain a screaming ds when he was about 18m to have his hair cut. Some children find haircuts distressing but it still needs to be done! I would've restrained and carried on ignoring the criesif they were my kids too!

Honestly...what kind of world do we live in? Are we supposed to mollycoddle and let ears go dirty and toenails grow longer just because little Johnny cries? Boohoo....

gudrun it's not all to do with social pressure though. Ds's hair grows right over his face and is very silky (stealth boast alert) so it won't be hooked behind an ear or swept away. So if he didn't get it cut he wouldn't be able to see. He is also permanently boiling and seems to do the majority of sweating through his head, so the less hair to get plastered to his face, the better. For all concerned

DS (5) cries with genuine terror whenever I clip his nails. He sounds awful and if someone heard they probably would call the police. He's never been hurt by it. He's not as bad with haircuts but not great. If someone had a word with me about it, I'd be pretty miffed tbh.