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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what SAHMs of school age dc DO all day?

52 replies

OxfordCommoner · 02/09/2015 19:39

Because I am one, not through choice. I am recovering from severe depression and anxiety and I'm still too ill to look for a new job (had to give up my old job a few months ago). Up until now I've been attending therapy a few times a week, and then it was the holidays so I had three dc to keep me busy.

But they all go back to school on Monday and I'm dreading the long days with just me and my thoughts.

Please can you tell me what you do during the day to keep busy? I'm struggling for ideas that don't cost money. So far I've fit as far as taking the dog for a long walk and maybe starting to iron again after a ten year hiatus.

Any ideas gratefully received.

Thanks
OP posts:
Original poster
OxfordCommoner · 02/09/2015 19:39

*got as far, not fit.

OP posts:
Wankarella · 02/09/2015 19:41

I iron a lot, clean bedrooms, watch TV recordings (ones I can't watch with DC here), come on here and take my Mum shopping, walk the dog, the times usually goes in quite quickly.

I'm also signed off sick atm Flowers

MegCleary · 02/09/2015 19:42

Well this is my first time in that situation too so plan on epic cleaning of house. Meals all cooked before they are home. Hope to be a CAB volunteer. Some exercise. Just having all jobs done so weekends are free.

Wankarella · 02/09/2015 19:45

Cooking too, I forgot cooking, I make a lot in the slow cooker, making it in the mornings so it's ready when they come home from school.

MerdeAlor · 02/09/2015 19:46

Years ago I was in the same situation. I did voluntary work and it changed my life. It was a wonderful experience and gave me back my confidence.

I am a SAHM now although I don't identify as such, as I have a disability.
For me school run for 2 hours a day, walking dogs, house work, research and writing papers for a charity plus resting works for me.
I try to build in some social time too to catch up with nourishing friends but not too much as I love my own company.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/09/2015 19:48

I will be in this situation from next week.

I will be using the time to exercise, thoroughly declutter the house, get systems in place for all our admin etc before I retrain and go back to work this time next year.

In between that I will be reading books, gaming, helping out in school and maybe having the odd nap Grin

SonceyD0g · 02/09/2015 19:53

Monday's housework and ironing
Tuesday's dog training and admin day. Supposed to be car cleaning day too
Wednesday's help out as a volunteer at riding for the disabled
Thursday's shopping, ironing, dog training and yoga
Friday's housework,meet up with a friend for a long dog walk, may do coffee after then I horse ride with a friend in the afternoon.
I have 2 horses so have them to see too most days and I walk the dogs for an hour and a half each day

Original poster
OxfordCommoner · 02/09/2015 19:53

I can declutter a room each day, that's the first week or so sorted. Exercise is a brilliant plan too, I have three stone to shift.

I intend to bake, and have a clean and tidy house at all times.

Everyone I know works ft so there's no one to socialise with really. I could look into volunteering though, I like that idea.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/09/2015 19:55

I am not a SAHM but am very part time at the moment. There are still not enough hours in the day Confused

Things I do:

-cooking
-cleaning
-washing and ironing
-gardening
-allotment
-DIY (currently decorating bedrooms for the kids)
-go to gym
-sorting out an extension/new kitchen (architects, contracts, builders)
-sorting out paperwork for house
-learning to make curtains
-learning Russian
-help with Cubs/Scouts (not as a leader, committee)

Very occasionally meet up with a friend but most of my social interaction is evenings/weekends or through work.

JuJuMun69 · 02/09/2015 19:56

Look up what classes you're local borough hold. They do everything from flower arranging to car mechanics. They're cheap too.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 02/09/2015 19:57

You'll be amazed at how quickly the school day passes OP. I've been between jobs for several weeks and the time just filled itself. It might do you a lot of good to have some time alone. I would recommend walking.

Ftumch · 02/09/2015 19:59

House work, exercise, walk dog, see friends, watch TV, browse internet, read, crochet, I go to a coffee and crafts meeting one morning a week.
I'm looking into volunteering and maybe some kind of study to gain some work related skills as I'd like to go back to work at some point.

GrannyAch1ng · 02/09/2015 20:00

I work mornings now, but had a short period of SAHPing and a longer period of working very short hours.

I used to do extra housework, batch cook, bake, take the dog on extra long walks, swim, paint and write. I am not a naturally social animal, but when I had PND/anxiety it was important to talk to other people regularly, the school run was invaluable for this I also got involved in a couple of voluntary things to keep my brain work ready and give me something to put on my CV.

SurlyCue · 02/09/2015 20:01

Well it depends what mood im in really. Today i went back to bed and watched netflix til midday then had a bacon sarnie, MNed, watched some judge judy then collected DC. Yesterday i cleaned the house top to bottom and did the grocery shopping. Tomorrow im having friends over in the morning so i'll do a quick swish round with a mop and have breakfast with them then i'm going to do some messages for my aunt who isnt well. Friday im doing 3 hours work. And then not sure how i'll fill the 90 minutes after that until pick up. Lunch and MN probably.

Ftumch · 02/09/2015 20:01

Oh, and I helped out in DS's class last year, listening to children read and helping supervise PE. I will probably do that this tear too.

TracyBarlow · 02/09/2015 20:01

Did you BF your children? We're always looking for keen, kind, BFing peer supporters around here.

SurlyCue · 02/09/2015 20:03

Everyone I know works ft so there's no one to socialise with really.

If you know anyone who has just had a baby they might jump at the chance to go for a coffee or even come to yours for a change of scenery.

Caravanoflove · 02/09/2015 20:03

Look upon it as a time to heal and take care of yourself. I would love to be a SAHM, I would do all the things I do as a full time worker but without breaking my neck doing stuff like cleaning the bathroom at midnight and online shopping at 3am.
So cook, clean (a lot more than I manage now), iron, exercise, sleep, read, watch TV. Then you can be totally there for your kids after school and do fun things.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 02/09/2015 20:05

The thing is, it's kind of irrelevant what other SAHP's do. It's what interests you that matters. I'm quite at peace with spending time just me and our dogs. As long as I get out the house to walk them, exercise and meet up with friends, I don't mind filling my time however I fancy, whereas you or anyone else might not like that kind of life.

It does sound if you would be happier having specific goals. So, definitely look into volunteering into a field that interests you. I did a lot of work for our PTA, to the point it was almost a job. Now my kids have moved up a school, I'm taking a breather for a while.

Mrsbird311 · 02/09/2015 20:07

I normally try to have a nice walk everyday unless it's tipping down then il stay in and watch jezza, I volunteer at a local food bank one day a week and also do a bit of housework, shopping, I do try and meet friends for a coffee a couple of times a week , these are lovely friends I've met through volunteering, the days go by very quickly

TheAnswerIsYes · 02/09/2015 20:12

Fuck the housework. I have depression and need to get out of the house each day so I'm not wallowing at home with just my thoughts for company. I'm going to volunteer at the school and do a course amongst other things so to have some structure to my days.

NewLife4Me · 02/09/2015 20:13

Whatever I feel like doing is the simple answer.

The thought of having to go to work for somebody else and have my time accounted for by somebody, being told what to do, following policies and procedures, having to deal with people I don't really like.
No amount of money can buy your freedom.
Find some interests and do what you like, it may be hard to begin with but try to get away from the mindset of keeping busy.
Just being is great and you learn to be a peace with yourself.
If you treat it as your time to do what you want instead of a job it's great.
Obviously, there are domestic chores to do, but I never sweat about these and of course don't be the default skivvy as you are a sahm, get all the family involved with chores.

trixymalixy · 02/09/2015 20:14

I work part time. On my days off I mostly play tennis and get housework done.

dontfallonme · 02/09/2015 20:14

If you are recovering from anxiety and depression , as I was when a SAHM my only advice would be to make some sort of plan for your day and get stuck in straight from the school run. Once you're done you can have a rest before picking dc up! I wasted so many days stuck in a fog watching TV eating rubbish, my mood lifted once I kept busy. I got stuck into sorting photo albums , selling stuff on ebay, cleaning . I did a dvd workout as soon as I got home.
enjoy it , I look back and miss those days where my time was my own and not works!

Bakeoffcake · 02/09/2015 20:17

I agree that volunteering and courses are a brilliant way to pass the time. I was a SAHM for about 10 years and volunteered in our local library, school and CAB.(not all at the same time!) There's a website called Do It Trust which lists volunteer vacancies in your area.

I've done courses in IT, book keeping (which I now work in), flower arranging and cookery. You could look at your local college for partime courses.

Don't worry OP you won't be boredSmile