I was in Asda when my phone rang, the conversation went as follows.
Head teacher "Hello, is that Mrs Pheobe"
Me "yes"
HT "I have something to discuss. In all my years in teaching I have never had to have this conversation with a parent. I really don't know where to start"
Me Okaaay, what is the problem?
HT "I really don't know what to say"
Me "perhaps you should just say it"
HT "Well, I had a child come to my office today with an object that had been put in his bag by your ds".
Me "what was it"
HT "a very large sex toy"
I asked if ds had said where he got it from all the while praying mine was still in my bedside drawer
HT said that DS had said he got it from his younger DBro but in his opinion ds must have ordered it from the internet. I disagreed, ds is far too tight to spend his own money on such a thing plus I would have seen the parcel.
Came home checked bedside table DSs internet history, nothing suspicious. Checked his FB messages and found a conversation with a school friend saying he had a dildo that his little brother had found.
DS came home, we had the conversation 
he was mortified and agreed he had been a prat.
He insisted he had taken it off his 10 year db after finding him playing with it in the garden 
. I questioned younger ds about wether he had found anything unusual that elder ds had taken off him. Younger ds claimed to know nothing. Dragged elder ds back in and said your brother doesn't know what your talking about.
Elder ds says "you know, remember the blue snake". Oh yes the blue snake says younger ds," I didn't find it, Dsis did at the park and she gave it to me".
Drag 8 year old DD in and explain that she shouldn't pick up things when she doesn't know what they are. "But I did know mummy it was a super soft squidgy snake thing".
FFS, I need to bleach all of my dc and send the younger two to a differant school don't I.
I can never show my face in that school again.
AIBU?
To think this was the most embarrassing conversation ever and I can never show my face at school again.
Pheobe1 · 02/09/2015 17:34
14/15 The foot one caught me out.
To be fair I recognised a lot of the dog toys
I only got 9/15. I couldn't tell the bloody difference. If I want any sex toys in the future I will just get them from Pets at Home when I pick up my cat litter.
Sally HT is male: I have just e mailed the HT apologised again and explained where it came from but no, he is never going to believe me.
It must have made his day .
AAh the reason I only got 7/15 is that I am not a dog owner. What's wrong with a tennis ball?
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I got 10/15 this time round by picking the ones I thought were dog toys.
I'm wondering what the hell you would do with half of those...
Oh OP I feel your pain! Years ago as a fresh faced 19yr old, I had an informal cash in hand type summer holiday childcare job with a local family. 4 boys ranging from age 3 to age 10. They were local so I would drive round for 7.30am before their parents left for work, give them breakfast etc and stay until the mum came home in the evening.
One rainy day, during a not particularly energetic game of hide n seek, I suddenly experienced the dreaded realisation that the house had been a bit 'too quiet' for a bit too long!!!
I barged in to the boys playroom just in time to see the beginnings of a (not very good quality) porno flash up on the tv!! Never moved so fast in my life to switch it off!!
It transpired that the oldest boy had found it in the back of mum and dads wardrobe whilst hiding there during the game and decided investigate what was on the mysterious blank VHS tape!
Luckily I caught them mere seconds into the video but I was still faced with the agony of returning said tape to the mother whilst mumbling something about them finding it during a game and watching a little. Her face coloured immediately and I could hardly look her in the eye and practically ran out of the house!!
The next day she told me (with a hint of embarrassed bravado) that the boys had been disciplined and told bot to touch mummy and daddy's belongings and their wardrobe was out of bounds for hide and seek!!
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This thread is excellent. Not sure whether I feel more gratitude or pity for the op.
14/15. I don't have a dog
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