I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with DC2 (we already have DD who is 2.5 years old). My parents live 90 mins drive away from us and PILs live 6 hrs drive away. When DD was born my parents came to the hospital (she is first grandchild) and stayed with us for a few days to help out. PILs came when DD was 4 weeks old and stayed with us for about a week to help out after DH had gone back to work. PILs have 3 other grandchildren.
For birth of DC2, DH wants his parents to be able to come to the hospital too and has said that it should be both sets or neither sets of parents. I can sort of see his point as my parents got to come to the hospital and his didn't for DD, but the thought of having his parents here immediately after giving birth fills me with dread. It's not that I don't get on with MIL, she tends to take over a little bit and do things her way (I am slightly OCD about the way I like my kitchen etc and know that this feeling is more about me than anything she does) but I find it very difficult to relax around her. It doesn't help that FIL has mobility issues, with which she has very little patience, and she is a bit selfish (she's asked me how I am feeling a total of 3 times during this entire pregnancy) And I know she'll monopolise DH's time with her problems when she is here (e.g. Her favourite time to ring him is during DD's dinner/bath/bedtime which is the only time DH gets with her during the week and she doesn't seem to hear if Dd is having tantrums at the time). When they came when DD was tiny I always felt like I was holding them up from doing things as Dd would want a feed or need to be changed as soon as they got their coats on to go out so then they'd sit on the sofa just waiting and I'd rush DD so we could carry on with our plans. I also found comments like "can't you give her a bottle" not very helpful. I'm just really aware that my hormones are going to be all over the place when DC2 is born and I don't want to add extra stress to this time. Ideally I'd like it to be just me, DH, DD and my mum within easy reach (e.g. at her sister's, not with us). As PILs live so far away we can't really ask them to come down at the birth for 1-2 days and then again a few weeks later.
AIBU to be selfish and not want PILs here at birth? I feel like a right cow saying no but I just remember how emotional I felt when Dd was born and do not feel like I will be able to relax with them around. I also know it's going to be hard telling my parents not to come to the hospital.... And tbh we are going to need some help with DD when Dc comes along. This is now stressing me out more than the actual birth (oh and having a toddler and newborn in tow).