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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for my dd to move classes

86 replies

Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 21:52

Ok, firstly I should say I am not a controlling parent that tries to engineer my children's lives. I am really not! I have never had an issue with my other 2 children's classes. I am not complainer and usually I would just tell my kids to get on with things.

DD is a normal happy sociable child, but I am concerned that she is feeling left out at school. There are 2 classes in each year group divided by age within the year group. The class she is in has just 7 girls in. I started to notice in reception that DD was not invited to things with these girls. She does get invited to boys parties but is always left out by the girls. Now going into year 2 dd has started to notice herself and is getting upset by it.

I recently joined facebook and have been on all mums from the class night out and it now all makes sense. The mums of these girls went to school together and are all really good friends since childhood. Several of them holiday together have regular get togethers.

I have done the usual things - dd has had a party and girls over to play but the invitations are never reciprocated to DD.

I feel DD would be better in the other class where there are more girls to mix with and hopefully less of a clique.

I know as dd's birthday is not even close to the deadline for the other class the headteacher will be against the move but I just dont want dd going through the next 5 years of primary school being left out. WIBU to demand a move.

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 01/09/2015 21:55

I don't think it would be unreasonable at all to ask. HT may not agree though.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:12

I suspect the answer will be no unless i make a huge fuss.

OP posts:
00100001 · 01/09/2015 22:15

The answer will be no.

carbolicsoaprocked · 01/09/2015 22:20

I think in reception/year 1 it's mainly the parents who sort out who's being invited etc. As your DD and her classmates get older the friendships will evolve naturally, and I doubt it will matter for long that their mothers are friends. By all means talk it over with the Head Teacher but I personally wouldn't think a move is either necessary or wise.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 01/09/2015 22:21

How about enrolling your DD in an extra curricular activity where she could make girl friends, such as Rainbows/Brownies?

BigArea · 01/09/2015 22:22

I'm not sure if I'm understanding this correctly - is it a single form entry school? So you would be asking them to move her up or down a year?

laureywilliams · 01/09/2015 22:26

Not at all unreasonable to ask. I wouldn't 'demand' or expect they will necessarily move her though.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:27

Thanks carbolic- I suppose I know deep down you are right but I just dont want dd's confidence to be knocked.

Yes I thinks rainbows would be a good idea, I'll look into that.

thanks

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 01/09/2015 22:29

Encourage her to play with the girls from the other class at lunch tie
Surely not much socialising goes on in lessons

wowfudge · 01/09/2015 22:29

No - two classes per year group divided by age. I read that as a class of the older children in the year and the other of the younger ones. When I was at primary school years 1 and 2 were mixed together in four classes, siblings put in different classes from each other.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:30

No it 45 kids in a year group - with the kids divided by age. Birthdays before easter in one class and after easter (roughly) in the other class. So they have mixed year group classes. 1/2, 2/3, 3/4 etc.

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 01/09/2015 22:32

I've never heard of a year group divided by age, it's usually by ability as much as they try to sugar coat the issue.

It's worth mentioning the disparity, though if they're so loopy as to assign classes theybeaybthey do I fear you might not get anywhere.

Definitely look into extra curricular stuff like MrsLeighH suggested. Brownies, Beavers, Badgers (the St John Ambulance junior group) and so on can all be great fun at that age.

Purplepoodle · 01/09/2015 22:33

Hi

My mum got me heavily involved in out of school groups. It improved my confidence and helped me weather school issues. I did gymnastics, St John's ambulance cadets, brownies/guides ect. I made loads of friends outside of school and tended to socialise and play date with those friends

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:34

yes Wowfudge similar to what you describe.I meant no I dont want her to go down a year.

OP posts:
Verypissedoffwife · 01/09/2015 22:35

I'd do just that and push for a move. You've done all you can re parties and play dates and it all sounds overly "cliquey ".

Murfles · 01/09/2015 22:35

I would say no as an HT. Children are at school to be educated and from your OP it appears you are more concerned about your child's social life and not her learning. I agree with a PP in encouraging out of school activities for your DD. No matter what fuss you made my answer would still be no. HT's construct classes for a reason. I don't know if your school ever had the need to have composite classes in years to come. This is one reason I construct classes the way I do.

SavoyCabbage · 01/09/2015 22:37

I think the friendships out of school will become less important from now on. That's certainly what happened with my dds. They were friends with my friends children at school. But they aren't at all now.

SouthWestmom · 01/09/2015 22:38

If there are 30 per class it might be impossible though (key stage 1) plus all The Talking that will go on if she does move.

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:41

I agree they are there to be educated and obviously that is the main thing but it is also about building the person and giving them what they need for life. I am not more concerned with her social life. She has been in this class 2 years, I am concerned she has on several occasions been the only girl not to be given a party invite. That can destroy a child's confidence.

OP posts:
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 22:43

Isn't it sad that there is no chance of, and you apparently haven't considered, her making friends with the boys....

They are technically the same species....

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:46

Yes she is friends with some boys!

OP posts:
IceBeing · 01/09/2015 22:50

whats the problem then? If she has some friends in class?

Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:51

I m not saying she totally isolated. I just think she does not have a chance with these girls and I am also rather upset that parents would behave in such a way to leave dd out. The fact that they would do this to a 6 year old makes me think this group is a closed shop and dd is better away from it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jillonthehill · 01/09/2015 22:54

She wants to be friends with the girls. She is a girly, girly. She wanted to go the frozen party and had to listen to the chat about Elsa being there. etc.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 01/09/2015 22:57

Unfortunately if a child is left out and miserable at school her education will suffer and as a HT you have a duty to ensure every child is happy and rounded socially and emotionally, not just academically. This is how bullying begins. I would insist shes moved. I have moved DD to a new school away from her twin brother because of a simular HT

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