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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to look after PIL's dog?

96 replies

chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:29

Bit of background - PIL are nice people,but not particularly involved in our life,as in,they have 3 grandchildren but only see them on special occasions & don't make contact with them in between.We also have a child with SN(if that's relevant?),& we both work.
They only live a few miles away and are financially well off.
They have a young cocker spaniel(we have 2 very elderly dogs),this dog usually goes to stay with BIL and SIL,as they too have a young spaniel type dog.SIL is battling cancer.
FIL is adamant that he will NOT put the dog in kennels,as he thinks 'kennels ruin dogs'.So he has asked if we will have the dog for 3 weeks while they go on holiday.
I have said 'No',but I know this will cause trouble within the family.
How do I stick to my guns without causing trouble?

OP posts:
WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 01/09/2015 08:31

How will it cause trouble? Will your dogs not like it? Will your dc not like it?

Genuine questions.

I'm on the fence as I'd be happy with an extra dog for a week. I figure if you already have dogs an extra one won't matter. But obviously if dog is very badly behaved, etc then that's different.

CheddarGorgeous · 01/09/2015 08:33

Just stick to the broken record technique. "No, for this reason." Don't get drawn into arguments.

There are dog minders who look after dogs in their own home, maybe suggest that as an option?

BabyGanoush · 01/09/2015 08:33

What's the problem? Is it that you don't want to do anything for them as you feel they do nothing for you, or is the dog difficult/toomuch for you? Where is your DH in all this, would it all fall to you?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 01/09/2015 08:34

If saying 'no' will cause trouble then he's not really asking, is he?

He's demanding that you look after his dog...

weaselwords · 01/09/2015 08:35

Kennels don't ruin dogs, but they do cost a lot of money. I'd cynically suspect that the cost of kennels for three weeks is behind this. If they love it that much, they can take it on holiday with them. It's their responsibility, not yours. Do they have your dogs for three weeks?

BarbarianMum · 01/09/2015 08:35

Never mind "not causing trouble". Remind yourself that you are perfectly entitled to say "no" and keep saying it. Don't get drawn into justification, just say it's not convenient.

My SiL also dislikes kennels do gets house/dog sitters in when they go away. This is an option for your inlaws too. Or they can plan holidays where the dog can go along.

SevenSeconds · 01/09/2015 08:36

Personally I'm not a dog person and I'd find it very difficult to have a dog for 3 weeks. But presumably you are a dog person as you have two dogs. Is it that this dog would need a lot of walks etc?

You both work, you have a child with SN, it seems to me that you've got enough on your plate and are well within your rights to say no. But obviously saying yes would be the generous option.

What does DH think? If he wants to say yes, could he commit to doing all the extra work for the dog while it's with you.

Could you do a sneaky bargain - if you have the dog for 3 weeks, will PIL look after your DC for a night so you and DH can have a night away together or similar?

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:40

Husband works from 7am to 6pm.
Daughter with SN takes up the majority of my time,caring for her.
I also work when she is at school,so the dog would be left alone(PIL are retired,so dog has company all day)
Dog needs lots of walking,so it is calm while in the house,we cannot do as much walking as PIL.
You hit the nail on the head KingJoffrey,I feel he is demanding that I look after the dog.
I probably would feel more sympathetic to the issue if they were more involved in our lives but,no, thats not the major problem.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 01/09/2015 08:41

Are you saying no because they are so uninvolved in your DCs or because having the dog simply doesn't work for you? Perhaps you could research dog sitters and give them a list.

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:43

weaselwords money is definitely not an issue,when I said 'No' ,he said 'well think about it,we will obviously pay you',which I was offended by!

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 01/09/2015 08:44

I'd just lay it on thick tbh...

I'd love to help, I really would, but there's no way I'll cope with an extra dog for 3 weeks, with my 2, the DC and work we're only just managing as it is.

Oh and kennels are not his only option, you get home boarders who you pay to look after pets in their home and you get pet sitters that you pay to stay in your home with pets.

scarlets · 01/09/2015 08:45

Sorry to hear about SiL.

My parents have an elderly dog who becomes very agitated around young dogs. Young dogs can't understand why he doesn't want to play, and won't back off. It can get pretty tiresome. I understand your concerns. Add three children, one with additional needs, to the mix....stress!

Given that there are simple solutions out there (kennels, dog sitters) there is no genuine need for them to impose on you. If they truly had no other options I'd advise you to agree, but that's not the case.

MirrorMirror123 · 01/09/2015 08:46

i can really understand if the extra dog would upset the doggy dynamics! my dog gets very overexcited with visiting dogs, for example. could you offer for 1 week as a compromise but say that 3 is too long?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 01/09/2015 08:47

YANBU - 3 weeks is a long time.

Dogzeyes · 01/09/2015 08:52

Tell them to use dog buddy, you can have someone look after your dog in their home for you. Ranges between £20-£60 per night.

GissASquizz · 01/09/2015 08:52

YANBU. I have a batshit spaniel and I would never have the cheek to ask someone to put up with him for 3 weeks. Especially when they already have a full timetable. Extra dog equals extra work.

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:56

Husband is not overly happy about it,but will struggle saying 'No',but I need him on my side,as it will be 'Oh Chickens has said she won't have the dog',its her fault Hmm

OP posts:
diddl · 01/09/2015 08:58

YANBU.

Even if they did lots for you, looking aftr a dog for thre weks is a big ask imo.

If you already have dogs, perhaps an evn biggr ask imo.

If you can't give the dog the time & attention that it needs/deserves, then it's not fair to the dog.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 08:58

Say no there is no way you will manage this dog and repeat .. you dont need to cause trouble with them dont engage in conversation about it dog sitters will take it how does he think kennels ruin dogs silly man .

diddl · 01/09/2015 09:02

Your husband sounds lovely!!

I can just hear him telling his parents that of course he would do it if he could!

How about he has three weeks off then, looks after the dog & his parents pay him his lost wages??

DinosaursRoar · 01/09/2015 09:04

If you get a chance to say no yourself, then say "no, our dogs won't cope with your dog being around for 3 weeks, it's not fair on them." and then suggest a home dog sitter.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 09:05

I know right people who pass the buck piss me off op your husband needs a slap round the head (not literally) for his pathetic whinging.

matyandwillsmum · 01/09/2015 09:08

What does YANBU mean?

DoreenLethal · 01/09/2015 09:09

If he is out all day then he can't say yes as he won't be there to look after it.

No. It means no. Not maybe. End of.

SheepishWoolf · 01/09/2015 09:10

I'd say that you have the best reason for saying no - it is not a good option for their dog. 'Remind' them you work so that the spaniel will be left for, what, six hours in the unsupervised company of 2 other dogs he doesn't know, which just opens up so much possibility for plain chaos. Or he will have to be shut away by himself which will be downright upsetting for him. Focus on the best option for the dog - a sitter who will keep him company and maintain all his usual routines. YANBU