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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to look after PIL's dog?

96 replies

chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:29

Bit of background - PIL are nice people,but not particularly involved in our life,as in,they have 3 grandchildren but only see them on special occasions & don't make contact with them in between.We also have a child with SN(if that's relevant?),& we both work.
They only live a few miles away and are financially well off.
They have a young cocker spaniel(we have 2 very elderly dogs),this dog usually goes to stay with BIL and SIL,as they too have a young spaniel type dog.SIL is battling cancer.
FIL is adamant that he will NOT put the dog in kennels,as he thinks 'kennels ruin dogs'.So he has asked if we will have the dog for 3 weeks while they go on holiday.
I have said 'No',but I know this will cause trouble within the family.
How do I stick to my guns without causing trouble?

OP posts:
Koalafications · 01/09/2015 09:14

"No, that doesn't work for us. Maybe you should pay for a dog sitter of dog boarder, kennels aren't your only option."

Don't engage further.

Birdsgottafly · 01/09/2015 09:24

I won't put my dog in kennels, so I pay someone who dog-sits in their own home.

I wouldn't put the responsibility onto a family member, who can't guarantee her safety.

I am happy to mind dogs for other people, but my house is set up for a dog and I don't have any young children.

I'm boarding my cat, because that's the best option for her.

Coker Spaniels are hard work, it doesn't sound as though you can manage this.

They're being extremely selfish and not thinking about anyone's needs.

You have to say No.

KitKat1985 · 01/09/2015 09:38

Of course YANBU if you think it's too much for you to manage. It's their dog and their responsibility to find holiday cover. There are people who will look after a dog for 3 weeks without kennels.

Having said that, I can see why they asked you, as you already have dogs so are obviously a dog lover, and already have to do walking, feeding, poop collecting and all the rest, so I can see why they thought it was fair to ask you.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 09:45

My parents have recently retired talking about a dog my dad has already hinted at us watching it when they are away sigh

Mainkster · 01/09/2015 09:51

I won't put my dog into kennels and it's got nothing to do with money. Lone Dogs who used to being in a home are very distressed by kennels

I can't see why you won't look after dog as you have not given any reason.
I have to assume you're just being mean, your post gives away a fair bit of resentment towards your PIL which may be why they see so little of your child.

Hellocampers · 01/09/2015 09:54

You are picking the wrong kennels then as mine is fantastic and my fog is an only one.

Op say no and no. Their dog is their responsibility not yours. You have a huge full
Plate and can't take on more.

I have to add your dh sounds terribly spineless and selfish to not support you in your decision.

Let your fil sulk.

clam · 01/09/2015 09:56

"I have to assume you're just being mean"

Eh? Only on MN!

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 09:57

Being mean she has 2 dogs children 1 with special needs a husband who works long hours inlaws who only seem to visit when they want something they dont live far the op doesnt want to look after the dog how is that mean i wouldnt look after a dog for 3 weeks either

diddl · 01/09/2015 09:57

"so I can see why they thought it was fair to ask you."

Oh yes, no harm in asking, even if OP didn't already have dogs.

What you can't then do is strop if the answr is no.

And of course as pps have mentioned, it's not as if kennels are the only option.

Doggycare is part & parcel of the cost of having dogs & wanting holidays!

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 09:59

My dogs have always been fine in kennels i get some people dont put their dogs in them but find the right one and they are great.

LyndaNotLinda · 01/09/2015 10:02

Just no. A young dog needs company and attention. No one in your house is able to give the dog that level of company and attention. Unless your DH is going to look after the dog, then it's not his decision

Kennels don't ruin dogs either but there are lots of other options as others have said

sleeponeday · 01/09/2015 10:03

I can't see why you won't look after dog as you have not given any reason.

She doesn't need a reason. It isn't her dog.

I have to assume you're just being mean

Hmm
diddl · 01/09/2015 10:03

Even if OP could look after the dog & just didn't want to, then that is reason enough to say no.

It's not as if there's a sudden emergency.

ILs have chosn to holiday somwhere where they either cannot or don't want to take their dog.

TheoriginalLEM · 01/09/2015 10:05

He doesn't have to go to kennels, they can get a dog sitter, or to someone who cares for dogs in their home environment. If you are in the south east i can recommend someone (its not me!)

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 10:10

Yeah there is a few options nobody has to look after somebody elses pet if they dont want to there no reason is needed really.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 10:11

Personally asking anybody for 3 weeks is a cheek

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 10:12

Mainkster - FIL? Grin

Mulligrubs · 01/09/2015 10:13

YANBU and you don't need a reason anyway. A certain in law hints for me to watch his dog while he works away if his dog sitter is on holiday etc I just ignore the hints. If he assumed I'd do it (since I am a SAHM he thinks I have all the time in the world for other people's shit) I'd simply say "no!" I don't want the hassle of looking after a dog. 3 weeks is a long time OP!

Radiatorvalves · 01/09/2015 10:15

I like dogs but work ft, DH is often away, and I couldn't manage to look after a dog...it's one reason we don't have one. And when we did look after a dog, she got a dodgy tummy, pooped everywhere, and DH will not countenance it again!

Stick to your guns OP.

Celerysoup3 · 01/09/2015 10:17

A third dog could easily be the straw that breaks the camels back. You have your hands full already. Haven't they friends or pet sitters they can ask?

Mainkster · 01/09/2015 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 10:20

Thanks.I'm glad all of you,but one Hmm, thinks I'm not being unreasonable by saying 'No',just need my husband to back me up 100%

OP posts:
sleeponeday · 01/09/2015 10:21

Mainkster - I don't think the OP is the one being a "miserable drama queen" on this thread.

Entitlement issues are terribly unattractive.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 01/09/2015 10:23

Odd overreaction, mainsker!

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 10:23

Urm my dog is lying with his head on my lap legs akimbo im sure he has forgiven me from putting him in kennels in April i think people who humanise dog feelings are weird