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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to look after PIL's dog?

96 replies

chickensaresafehere · 01/09/2015 08:29

Bit of background - PIL are nice people,but not particularly involved in our life,as in,they have 3 grandchildren but only see them on special occasions & don't make contact with them in between.We also have a child with SN(if that's relevant?),& we both work.
They only live a few miles away and are financially well off.
They have a young cocker spaniel(we have 2 very elderly dogs),this dog usually goes to stay with BIL and SIL,as they too have a young spaniel type dog.SIL is battling cancer.
FIL is adamant that he will NOT put the dog in kennels,as he thinks 'kennels ruin dogs'.So he has asked if we will have the dog for 3 weeks while they go on holiday.
I have said 'No',but I know this will cause trouble within the family.
How do I stick to my guns without causing trouble?

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 01/09/2015 11:19

Recommend at at home dogsitter. They are much better than kennels for dogs.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 01/09/2015 11:24

You are not being unreasonable.

My dad palm's his dog off to my brother when he holidays despite my sister in law having mobility issues and my brother works seven days a week so it's left to watch the dog despite saying before last time she couldn't do it again as walking her was too sore when she pulled
pulled. She isn't allowed to come here either as my garden isn't safe enough apparently (but its safe enough for my three children just not a dog?!)

We are going on holiday as a family and my dad's partner said 'she will just need to go to your grandad' who is in his eighties and is my mother's father so nothing to even do with her! He has however just got a new dog so now has two of his own and can't have three for two weeks at his age. So she is freaking out at having to pay for kennels for two weeks as it's expensive. Even though they have plenty of money!

They were the ones that chose to have a dog so I'd just say I'm sorry it's not an option unfortunately but I do know a good kennel (give suggestion) end of convo.

LilacRain · 01/09/2015 11:24

Just keep saying no. You don't have to explain or give a reason.

I wouldn't look after someone else's dog, I don't particularly like dogs and I wouldn't want dog hairs and dog smell all over my house, let alone the hassle of walking it.

If they don't want to put it in a kennel they can pay a professional dog-sitter instead.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 01/09/2015 11:38

Always amuses me when someone tries to derail another persons thread to try make it all about them. Attention seeking drama Queens.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 01/09/2015 11:42

Mainkster the OP has very sensible reasons to not want to have her home used as a boarding kennel for three weeks, you just don't want to accept them.

You have scoffed at the fact she has a disabled child, which quite frankly is fucking awful behaviour. You've ridiculed her valid points about not wanting to upset her own dogs, while bemoaning the fact that the in-laws' dog will be upset by kennels.

The fact that the family aren't close so it feels like they're only being contacted as they're handy for mutt sitting is the cherry on this cake. To be fair, in the OP's shoes if have told the father in law to fuck off and buy himself a twin pack of grips from halfords by this point.

diddl · 01/09/2015 11:47

"whining about something that is no big deal."

No big deal?

Another dog for three weeks?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 01/09/2015 11:57

Yes, diddl, it's that comment that leads me to believe that mainsker isn't actually a dog owner and is only on this thread for a wind up

Rarity08 · 01/09/2015 12:19

My MIL boards dogs in her home, this would be a better option for the dog as boarders are at home with the dogs 24/7 and they also get pampered and groomed. Suggest it to Fil, but he does sound like someone who dictates rather than listens.

Chattymummyhere · 01/09/2015 12:21

Just say no, hubby does this with Sils dog will just of been over and randomly brings her pup back on the oh we are watching it for two nights... Erm nope I'm not I didn't agree to it, you watch it I'm not dealing with it.

We have 4 dogs ourselfs so it could be easy to go oh but you know what your doing blah blah blah but at the end of the day I have 4 dogs because I want 4 dogs that doesn't mean I'm happy to have everyone else's dogs round when ever they cannot be bothered to look after them. People who repay the favour (watch my dogs) I have no problem watching theirs as it's beneficial for everyone.

ElkeDagMeisje · 01/09/2015 12:24

YANBU. If PIL want to go on holiday for that long (and that regularly by the sound of it), then they need to consider their pet more. So they need to arrange a house sitter or person to come in each day so the dog doesn't have this constant disruption, rather than foisting it off on whoever they can force to take it.

Lots of people with pets don't even go on holiday because they can't manage this, or limit their holidays. PIL come across as selfish and unrealistic - different if they were offering you regular childminding in return.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 12:35

Thinking about the angst about kennels.

Dogs would ideally like to be by their owners side literally 24/7. Night and day. It is in their nature. This is just not practical in an average modern life though.

Even non-working dog owners have to go out during the day without their dog at some point. Shopping, evening out, theme park, party, etc. Dogs that sleep in the kitchen or lounge every night? Or on the landing with the owners bedroom door shut? That is still separation in the dogs eyes.

Kennel, boarding house, pet sitter or family member taking the dog are all just another separation.

It would be lovely to give a dog exactly what it desires, but who honestly can actually spend 24 a day with their dog?

When i kept dogs (even if i could have afforded it) i doubt i'd have gone in for a 3 week holiday because of leaving the dogs that long.

Anyway, the point is; don't let FIL emotionally blackmail you into this OP. It's his animal, let him stay at home or take the dog with him if he's that worried.

JassyRadlett · 01/09/2015 12:46

I'm not insisting she cares for the dog, I know there are many alternatives and apart from kennels most of them would be better than being in a home with a woman who doesnt what the poor dog and I can imagine would be mean to it to spite her ma and pa in law.

I love that deciding to do what's best for her family, her own dog and the spaniel who would clearly be stressed by not getting the amount of exercise and company it's used to is 'being mean to spite her [PIL].' That's quite leap.

Yep, maybe if PIL were more involved OP might be more willing to put up with the irritation, inconvenience and extra stress for a few weeks. That's how relationships work - give and take. Mind you, that still wouldn't be the best solution for anyone, IMO.

Was 'reactionary' really the word you were looking for, out of interest?

pigsDOfly · 01/09/2015 13:04

I've been looking after my daughter's dog for just over a week (they took her back on Sunday). And I can tell you, having another dog around makes a big difference.

I am retired and live on my own, the dogs know each other well, same breed and similar age 4 & 5 years and my dog loved having the other dog here and DD's dog loved being here.

Please don't be pushed into this OP. You've got so much on your plate already. Imo FIL is being completely unreasonable to ask this of you.

In addition to everything else a young spaniel, as lovely as spaniels are, is likely to be very hard work and will likely upset your two elderly dogs who are not going to want a bouncy youngster sudden thrust into their lives.

I agree with pp who suggested putting their dog into a home boarding situation. It's what I would do with my dog, who I wouldn't want to put into kennels, not because I think kennels ruin dogs, whatever that means, but because I'd be happier with that arrangement and I think my dog would as well.

If PIL want to go away on holidays and don't want to put the dog with some one they don't know then maybe they shouldn't have got the dog in the first place. At least not one of such a high energy breed.

BerylStreep · 01/09/2015 13:44

This is the second thread I have seen in two days where the term 'harpies' has been bandied about. What an unusual and quaintly misogynistic term.

EponasWildDaughter · 01/09/2015 13:47

I agree Beryl. Like witches and bitches, but worse.

rumbleinthrjungle · 01/09/2015 14:00

'I don't want to' is as much explanation as is needed!

Basic situation here: if you own a dog, holidays are something you consider before hand. You are responsible for your dog, no one else is. You make your decision about what you're happy with as care for your dog and you plan accordingly. I have a batshit Velcro cocker, I think she'd break her heart in kennels and don't feel comfortable doing it, so that being my problem I holiday in the UK in self catering accommodation and take her with me. I wouldn't go abroad. In the case of utter emergency I'd find a pet sitter where she'd be the sole centre of attention in someone else's home.

These kind of situations are presented on the surface like a request for a favour, but they feel like they're being packaged with a discreet attempt at obligation and that's the giveaway they're dodgy. They rely on your guilt, good nature and politeness to back down and do something you really don't want to do, which will cause you a lot of trouble and additional hard work, but the pressure is discreetly done, so a basically nice person will usually give in and enable someone who isn't as sensitive to others or caring about their needs, and just wants what they want to have their convenient way. They usually aren't particularly grateful as they just expected you ought to do what they want because they want it, and your reward is usually being expected to do it again on demand!

Mainkster · 01/09/2015 14:03

Harpies is descriptive.

eggsandwich · 01/09/2015 15:26

Seems to me if fil is that concerned about his dogs welfare then he should cancel his holiday to look after it, and stop expecting other people to do his job.

Would he be looking after your children while you go on holiday for three weeks with your Dh, I bet I know the answer.

Annomamous · 23/06/2023 06:21

My Daughter and her sons &, dog wants to move in with us till she get a house. I've just lost my dog a couple of weeks ago, I don't want the responsibility of looking him while she goes to work. It wouldn't work. There would be auful arguments if she did. I'm in my 70s, so what do I tell her without causing stress.
S

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 23/06/2023 06:32

Three weeks is too long. Spaniels have tons of energy and it will require lots of walking. I, sure your two elderly dogs will not appreciate an exuberant newcomer running around. The dog is also not used to your children so that is an added risk.

The PIL don't have to use kennels. Either a dog sitter or one of these companies that offer a "home from home" service where the dog lives in the person's home as their pet for the duration. We've used such a company several times and our dog loves it.

You must insist your DH has your back and presents it to his parents as a joint decision though. Either that or he agrees to take three weeks off work to look after the dog.

ColdHandsHotHead · 23/06/2023 06:32

ZOMBIE THREAD

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