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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL tried on Ds's (4) school uniform for first time without me there!!!???

98 replies

AsTheoryShows · 31/08/2015 19:39

Just that really, I had ordered all of Ds1's uniform and it arrived when Mil was looking after Dc's at our house, so she opened MY parcel (she could only guess it was the uniform), then got DS all dressed up in it, then took a photo and sent it to me!! I was a little annoyed to say the least.
AIBU to think this was a little out of order, and 1) she shouldn't open my post and 2) trying on uniform for the first time ever is something special and should be something parents do....
Don't get me wrong, not a deal breaker and I am not going to throw my toys out of the pram over it but I am miffed and think I should say something to her... on the whole she is a lovely woman and means well, however this is the same woman who cut his fringe for the first time ever when Ds was 1 as well. I thought we'd dealt with the boundaries issues!

OP posts:

NullaBore · 31/08/2015 19:40

She's got boundary issues. I'd be pissed off and she'd know it.

honeyroar · 31/08/2015 19:42

THe opening post bit would really bug me, and would be mentioned.

ChoudeBruxelles · 31/08/2015 19:42

I'd be more pissed off that she opened my post

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/08/2015 19:42

Well she shouldn't have opened your post. but she did you a favour trying it on. If it didn't fit she could have told you and you could have picked up or ordered a different size

he will still need you to put it on on his first day.

I open dps deliveries sometimes to check they arrived in decent condition.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/08/2015 19:43

She should have text you though. or just left parcel alone

londonrach · 31/08/2015 19:43

She shouldnt be opening your post!

lalalonglegs · 31/08/2015 19:43

Opening your post isn't great but I wouldn't care that she had dressed up my child in it once she had seen it. He was probably quite keen to try it on once he saw it. I'm assuming that she was doing you a favour looking after your children so really don't throw your toys out of the pram .

NobodyLivesHere · 31/08/2015 19:44

i'd be livid that she opened my post.

Cloppysow · 31/08/2015 19:48

I'd be furious that she opened my post.

And gutted that she stole that moment from me.

Micah · 31/08/2015 19:50

I agree, she shouldn't have opened your post.

But I can't get worked up about all this "first" stuff being so special.

janethegirl2 · 31/08/2015 19:52

Only myself and dh can open my mail. I'd go nuts if anyone else did ( including DM).

SanityClause · 31/08/2015 19:54

Opening your post is outrageous, really. The trying on of the of uniform is less of an issue. I don't even remember "trying on uniform" as an event, TBH.

Spartans · 31/08/2015 19:54

Opening your post is not on.

The rest I feel a bit 'whatever' about. His first day is kind of special. Trying some clothes on isn't imo

Marynary · 31/08/2015 19:54

I would be extremely annoyed about her opening your post.
I think that you are being a bit weird to be annoyed about your DS trying on the uniform without you being there though. Trying on school uniform for the first time certainly wouldn't be on my list of "special" things for parents.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 31/08/2015 19:55

I'd be pissed off!! She shouldn't open your post, and I would want to be the first to see my child in their uniform. Boundary issues for sure!

CheekyMaleekey · 31/08/2015 19:57

Yes she shouldn't have opened your post, but who cares that she put the uniform on him? Why does that matter?

LynetteScavo · 31/08/2015 19:58

She shouldn't have opened your post!

The rest is just really annoying.

I was about to say watch out she doesn't cut his hair, then see she already has!!!

MythicalKings · 31/08/2015 19:58

She shouldn't be opening your post but as for the rest - meh - what does it matter?

XCChamps · 31/08/2015 19:59

I would be outraged about the opening of post but couldn't get too excited about the trying on of uniform.

Usually I'd say you have to live with these things if you're going to use family for childcare, especially at your house, but the post is sacred IMO.

Northernlurker · 31/08/2015 19:59

I'm kind of in the middle on this - she was looking after your kids in your house (for free one assumes) in loco parentis - so no surprising that when the uniform arrives (and I bet it was clear what it was) she acts like a parent and tries it on. Rather sweet to send you a photo. If she was really trying to tread on your mothering toes she wouldn't have done that, just told you about it afterwards.
A try on is no big deal, you'll still get to see it on the first day.
However opening post in general is not on however much in loco parentis you are and so you need to deal with this very simply OP. Order some stuff from lovehoney or similar site which promises discreet packaging, timing the delivery for mil's next babysitting day. Tell mil a parcel will be coming with x,y,z cute thing for dcs. Do not order cute thing. Stand well back and wait for mil to open the lovehoney package. Bet she doesn't send you a picture of that!

Original poster

AsTheoryShows · 31/08/2015 19:59

Ha surprised by the responses but as ever the rational of Mumsnet wins over.
For many reasons we have had a very long road getting ds to be 'school ready' and overcome so many barriers, and I am so, so proud of him and far he has come. I really have been feeling quite anxious about him starting school and made lots of effort to do nice things. I just had a thing in my head about trying it all on, being happy and excited and sharing that moment with him. Far more about me than DS, which is probably selfish and inward looking. He is happy enough and excited about school and I'll get to see him all dressed up on day one of school, and he has a granny that adores him - all good in perspective.
The post bit didn't fuss me as much!!!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 31/08/2015 20:00

I read the thread title and thought Christ, your MIL must be tiny

Gymbunny1204 · 31/08/2015 20:01

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. For YOU trying on the uniform was a special moment and she has spoilt that. Babysitting your child does not give her free rein to do what the fuck she wants.

OurBlanche · 31/08/2015 20:03

It does matter, of course it does.

Text her back: Thanks. That is yet another first with my child that I now will never experience.

And also get your DH to have a serious word with her. She surely must see she is upsetting you. And she obviously does understand, or she wouldn't have dressed him up and sent you the picture.

Set your boundaries. Let her see how much she has upset you. Then she will have no excuse for doing it again! Or at least it will be blindingly obvious she is don it deliberately!

Cocolepew · 31/08/2015 20:04

Haha you plonker worra me too

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