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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL tried on Ds's (4) school uniform for first time without me there!!!???

98 replies

AsTheoryShows · 31/08/2015 19:39

Just that really, I had ordered all of Ds1's uniform and it arrived when Mil was looking after Dc's at our house, so she opened MY parcel (she could only guess it was the uniform), then got DS all dressed up in it, then took a photo and sent it to me!! I was a little annoyed to say the least.
AIBU to think this was a little out of order, and 1) she shouldn't open my post and 2) trying on uniform for the first time ever is something special and should be something parents do....
Don't get me wrong, not a deal breaker and I am not going to throw my toys out of the pram over it but I am miffed and think I should say something to her... on the whole she is a lovely woman and means well, however this is the same woman who cut his fringe for the first time ever when Ds was 1 as well. I thought we'd dealt with the boundaries issues!

OP posts:

YippeeTeenager · 31/08/2015 22:09

She was completely out of order and greedy and she knew it. I'd definitely have a quiet word to say that it was a special moment that you'd rather have seen in person and not by text.

CrapBag · 31/08/2015 22:12

I relish every first with my children and I am also anxious about DD starting school next week so I get where you are coming from completely. YANBU and MIL needs a firm chat about how she should never open your post regardless if she knows what it is and she shouldn't have taken something away from you like that. I'd be absolutely fuming.

NewLife4Me · 31/08/2015 22:21

I'd have been pissed off on both accounts if mil had done this. You don't open other people's mail, nor should she have tried uniform on.
I'd be finding better childcare and telling her to butt out.
However, I'm precious about all first things and couldn't stand somebody else having just one.

MidnightDinosaur · 31/08/2015 22:43

I'd be pissed off about her opening my post.

Can't say I'd be all that bothered about the uniform, it's just clothes, the same ones he will wear 5 days a week for the next however many years.

I would be asking if she could refrain from opening my post in future though.

johnImonlydancing · 31/08/2015 22:48

YANBU. Horrible woman. No right to open your post, either.

steppemum · 31/08/2015 22:53

the post would be the issue for me.
Even though she knew you were expecting it, she had no right to open any parcel addressed to you. Totally and utterly over a line, invasion of privacy.

That would have taken my breath away totally.
Once open, and ds was excited, then of course he would want to try it on. But she created that situation.

But then neither my mum or my ILs would dream of opening a parcel addressed to me in my house.

as to firsts, we tried bots and bobs on as we bought it, and so it was the first day of school with them all dressed up that was the big moment.

ollieplimsoles · 31/08/2015 22:54

She's had that now op, just cut her out of something else.

Don't tell her anything about his first day at school, don't send her any pictures from the day or anything like that. Leave her out a bit.

That's how we deal with mil when she over steps on purpose. She found my maternity notes in a drawer and made comments to us on what was in them, we now don't tell her anything about appointments. She was also last to see our scan pics (dhs idea) seems harsh but it stops her thinking she has any control over us.

MaddyinaPaddy · 31/08/2015 23:00

Next time she is due to baby sit make sure you have ordered his and hers butt plugs and a gimp mask

HeyDuggee · 31/08/2015 23:04

Don't think opening a package (most likely clearly labeled with the company where she ordered the uniform) is the same as opening a letter, which could be private finances or correspondence.

BerylStreep · 31/08/2015 23:10

Is your MIL a tiny Korean lady?

Marynary · 31/08/2015 23:11

Do any of the people who think that trying school uniform on for the first time is a big deal have older children (e.g. over 10 years). If so, do you actually remember and look back on that moment and see it as special.

Rivercam · 31/08/2015 23:12

I'd be annoyed that she open the post, and tried the uniform on.

however, did dd ask to try the uniform on? If so, I can understand why she did and sent the photo. However, still shouldn't have opened the post.

Marynary · 31/08/2015 23:13

She knows how special the moment is because she has either had it with her DC or missed it with them, either way she knows how special it is.

No many people do not think that the moment is "special" whether or not they have experienced it. I have no recollection of my children trying on their uniform.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 31/08/2015 23:14

Wanders in all impressed about Giants then pisses back off with Harry potter and some real Giants feeling just a little let down

G1veMeStrength · 31/08/2015 23:20

Grawp Uniform.

My DC are junior age and tbh I don't really remember them trying on their uniform, just their actual first days, so I don't think this is a major milestone... But it would piss me off if MIL had done this.

Foamshrimp · 31/08/2015 23:22

I wouldn't like anyone opening my post - not even DH!

Also I think when you work (and many have no choice) you can feel as if you are missing so many things you would wish you could be sharing. I hope if I were babysitting for someone else I would be mindful of that and think before I jumped in there.

YeahOkayWhatever · 31/08/2015 23:28

I can't be the only one who thought it was the MIL trying the clothes on and not the grandson

sleeponeday · 31/08/2015 23:31

I'd be really upset about the post thing. I'd also be upset about the uniform, actually. And yes, I can still remember very vividly taking DS to buy his. It was more emotional for me than his first day, because then my focus was completely on him and ensuring everything was calm and ran smoothly - uniform picking, and I was marvelling at how fast his early childhood had gone, and really moved by how grownup he suddenly looked (while seeming even teenier in the stuff, weirdly enough!).

YANBU. Especially as you also acknowledge that he has a great and loving Grandma, and speak affectionately of her. But a gentle re-establishing of boundaries is called for IMO.

sleeponeday · 31/08/2015 23:32

Oh, and count me in on thinking your MIL was a teeny Krankie!

Missdee2014 · 31/08/2015 23:33

If this is the most important thing to worry/annoy you then I think you should be grateful. Get over yourself it's no big deal yabu.

Canyouforgiveher · 31/08/2015 23:42

She opened your post??

I'd text her back "lovely photo but how did you get the uniform - I was expecting it by post addressed to me?

If she says I opened the parcel because I knew what it was, then say to her "oh, well please don't open my post again - even if you know what it is." and then move on.

but she might say "oh ds knew what it was and had it ripped open before I could stop him and then tried it on"

Jw35 · 31/08/2015 23:42

Nobody should open your post without permission.

I do understand the emotion of wanting to see him put on his uniform for the first time. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't understand that tbh! It doesn't have to be a thing, it's an unspoken thing! I wouldn't dream of putting someone else's child in their uniform for the first time without their parents there!

All the same..I don't know your mil and her intentions. Sometimes grans get excited and don't realise they might upset you? You still have his first day and proper official uniform wearing to go!

Permanentlyexhausted · 31/08/2015 23:49

I'd be really cross about the opening your parcel bit.

I can't get worked up about trying on the uniform being a special event. My children are late primary / secondary age and I don't remember trying on the uniform being a milestone. I think we just tried bits as and when they arrived / were bought and it wasn't until the first day that they put their whole uniform on. That day was special - all the more so in my opinion as I hadn't seen them in their proper uniform before.

sleeponeday · 01/09/2015 00:48

I wouldn't dream of putting someone else's child in their uniform for the first time without their parents there!

Same.

MythicalKings · 01/09/2015 05:41

I wonder if this is a working mother thing. Maybe those of us who think it's no big deal to put DC in the uniform (although post opening was a big thing) were SAHMs who were around by default for nearly all the "firsts", no matter how trivial.

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