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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL tried on Ds's (4) school uniform for first time without me there!!!???

98 replies

AsTheoryShows · 31/08/2015 19:39

Just that really, I had ordered all of Ds1's uniform and it arrived when Mil was looking after Dc's at our house, so she opened MY parcel (she could only guess it was the uniform), then got DS all dressed up in it, then took a photo and sent it to me!! I was a little annoyed to say the least.
AIBU to think this was a little out of order, and 1) she shouldn't open my post and 2) trying on uniform for the first time ever is something special and should be something parents do....
Don't get me wrong, not a deal breaker and I am not going to throw my toys out of the pram over it but I am miffed and think I should say something to her... on the whole she is a lovely woman and means well, however this is the same woman who cut his fringe for the first time ever when Ds was 1 as well. I thought we'd dealt with the boundaries issues!

OP posts:

Sansoora · 01/09/2015 06:28

Jeez, I get free reign with all of my grandchildren but I'd never do that. Its just common sense that you look at a uniform and know its something the mum does. And another thing I don't get is this business of 'she was in your house babysitting for free so you should be thankful and suck this up'. Actually, granny was in the house looking after her grandchildren because the chances are she loves being a granny and spending time with the children, she probably also likes being a support to her family and helping out when she can. Why does 'free babysitting' come into?

contractor6 · 01/09/2015 06:46

I wouldn't even open DH post! Even if I know what it was.

BoboChic · 01/09/2015 06:54

I agree! I don't open any post that isn't for me.

thehypocritesoaf · 01/09/2015 06:57

Don't mention the "firsts". I understand that 'first use of toilet paper, first car journey over 3 miles, first kit Kat, first grey trousers etc etc are a massive big deal to some but to most of us it looks crackers.

The opening of post tho is massive...do take it up with her.

BoboChic · 01/09/2015 07:02

"Firsts" as in reaching developmental milestones are not "crackers". My DD (10) regularly asks me about the first time she did things - it's really important for a child's sense of autonomy that he/she is able to review his/her development with parents. School firsts are major milestones.

sylviassecrets · 01/09/2015 07:04

Haha Worra I thought the same!

Mehitabel6 · 01/09/2015 07:08

Absolutely no one opens my post! YANBU.

thehypocritesoaf · 01/09/2015 07:26

First trying on school clothes is not a developmental milestone.

Mehitabel6 · 01/09/2015 07:31

MIL obviously saw it as a milestone in life or she wouldn't have sent the photo.

Original poster

AsTheoryShows · 01/09/2015 07:59

I suppose in terms of milestones, surely it is down to the individual.... for example my son has always been painfully shy. I distinctly remember the first time he went up to a child in the park and said 'hello, my name is....' now to others that may never occur as a milestone, but to me it is huge. School uniform for the first time was also, maybe not one of the big ones, but a moment I would have cherished, a marker point to savour as my child grows. Probably not important to everyone but is to me.
I'm not going to be cross with mil, or pumish her in any way as some posts suggest but will gently raise it with her. She is a lovely lady, and as I've said, loves my children, not sure I can ask for more than that, and she helps out in holidays with childcare which is great for is.
I don't for one secomd think she'd open any other post so that bit doesn't fuss me, dh and I always open each others stuff and very relaxed about that sort of thing.

OP posts:

thehypocritesoaf · 01/09/2015 08:03

I never thought standing outside a curtain in m and s a big deal. I stand corrected.
Your son sounds a lovely boy op. I'm sure he'll do very well at school every day.

maddening · 01/09/2015 08:11

yanbu - just because others don't find their own dc "first" moments special doesn't mean that you are wrong to do so - and there are some that.just like to be flippant on a thread. we had our try on of his uniform yesterday and it was a first moment as well as a practical try on session and we took photos to remember it - many others do the same and yanbu to find it upsetting that mil took that away from you.

thehypocritesoaf · 01/09/2015 08:27

Well you make it very different for any well meaning mil. They must find it v different not to tread on toes- I guess key for carers is to give dc no new things whatsoever.

Foamshrimp · 01/09/2015 08:36

When I went to try on my wedding dress I took my Mum with me. Not because I thought she would be helpful but because I would be wearing it on a special day for me and I knew it would be nice for her to be there when I tried it on. I realise school uniform is not the same (not quite as sparkly) but the sentiment is similar. Starting school is a big day and there is something really touching seeing your small child in their smart uniform for the first time. I would want that moment for myself and DH. MIL obviously wanted that too, got excited and didn't think. Obviously not intentional but not the right thing to do either.

Pancakeflipper · 01/09/2015 08:42

From what you say you've got a decent relationship with MIL and she got totally carried away (bet she knows she over-stepped). Whereas my relationship is different and I'd be cats-bum mouth about it cos of past history. I'd be breathing fire about post opening.

And lots of luck to your DS. Hope he looks amazing in his uniform, and hope all goes well for him and you!

Nataleejah · 01/09/2015 09:42

Big deal....

Mainkster · 01/09/2015 10:07

I think she just thought it would be a cute thing to do for you, so you may be hurt but that wasn't her intention.
I'd leave it alone, it's nothing really. If this is the biggest issue you have then you're most fortunate

MissBattleaxe · 01/09/2015 10:51

If she's usually a lovely woman who means well as you say, then I think you could do permanent damage by following some of the angry advice on here. A PP labelled her "horrible woman" and another told you to find better childcare immediately.

Sounds like she got carried away, and knows she probably shouldn't have. All you need to say is "don't open my post again- it could be something embarrassing!". Your child probably enjoys having a grandma in their lives and it sounds as if she overstepped the mark rather than did anything evil or abusive.

You could call it babysitting or you could call it free childcare.

TheNewStatesman · 01/09/2015 13:14

She should not have opened your post, but if it was really obvious that the package was uniform, then maybe she got a bit carried away and didn't quite think about the fact that it was addressed to you.

I would just say to her nicely that you would prefer that she left your post for you to open in future, and forget about it.

In the great scheme of things, it is not a big deal, and I think it's nice to share some of these special little moment with members of the extended family, esp. if they are doing us a favor and helping us to bring our kids up.

5Foot5 · 01/09/2015 13:21

Well personally I would have been upset not to be there when my DC tries uniform for the first time. I still look fondly on the photo we took of our then 4yo DD the first time she tried her uniform on.

HoopsAlot · 01/09/2015 14:54

Under the circumstances I'd be mega annoyed about her opening your post, that's a big invasion of privacy.

The putting on uniform and taking pics of dc before me would have went straight over my head, in fact it happened to me and it didn't occur to me to be annoyed.

CathJames · 01/09/2015 15:02

She was out of order for opening your parcel, that I'll agree with, but the uniform thing, would you have reacted the same way if the uniform had been lay on the back of a chair and she decided to try it on your ds? To me you seem to have precious first born syndrome and are over reacting.

twirlypoo · 01/09/2015 15:25

I'm wondering if you are my ex?! (Not really!) my mum opened my post and put ds in his uniform for the first time too a few days ago. Do you think they read about it on gransnet or something?!

She also got his first haircut, did his first shoes and has spectacularly awful boundaries. I've tried talking to her in the past about it but it just gives her the reaction she wants, so I am sucking it up for now as I still want / need her to be my emergency chikdcare for ds when I'm at work.

Still hurts though, I get it

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