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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put a grevience in about work colleague (Facebook)

125 replies

MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 07:16

I'm on the sick from work, but told no one except my bosses why I've had to go on sick leave.

Colleague put this on Facebook (photo) and as I am the only one on sick leave.... It not rock science who it's aimed at.

We also have a social media policy,

However it did not stop there, she went out last night and bumped into my friends and was slatting me to them, (and tagged them in a post saying it was a good catch up, clearly aimed at me)

Friends immediately rang me and said they are furious with her and they have had to leave the pub as she was really nasty about me going on sick leave.

AIBU put a grevience in, and also a grevience in about the lack of confidentiality in my work place

To put a grevience in about work colleague (Facebook)
OP posts:
LoveChickens · 30/08/2015 18:22

What a nice comforting person you are, Left.

I'm really sorry you've had to listen to some arseholes on this thread OP. I wish you the very best and hope you recover soon. Hit that Wine

PollysHoliday · 30/08/2015 18:26

Crikey Left! Where did that come from? Nothing the op has written deserves that reply.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 30/08/2015 18:40

Well, I take it all back - assuming the OP works for a charity, that is, rather than a business seeking to be profitable.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world who does any work these days!

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 30/08/2015 18:41

Very cheeky to stay on sick leave with no intentions of returning, which are OP's stated intentions.

FelineLou · 30/08/2015 18:42

Having a big operation for cancer does leave you stressed and lacking mental strength to work.
I am glad you have found new work where you may cope better with all life throws at you.
I think I agree that raising a grievance will be harmful to your mental equlilibrium even though the facts justify it.
Let it go and start to work on your recovery from the blows life has wielded.
To give you some hope - a similar operation and depression happened to me in 1985. It can take a long time to feel good again even without extra problems.
May you soon begin to feel better. Hugs from a survivor.Flowers

ChristineDePisan · 30/08/2015 19:20

I've re-read the thread, and still don't entirely follow what has happened and what the OP wants to get from taking a grievance against her colleague. But in any case it has - belatedly! - occurred to me that she ought to get this thread pulled, given that that OP contains a snapshot of a FB status and if the colleague is on MN she herself could put in a grievance about her work issues being discussed on social media...

MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/08/2015 20:33

Zactly zactly zactly...

"made me realise I need to concentrate on the important things, instead of an narrow minded 40 something bitcH"

Her and in fact the whole lot of them sound hideous and absolutely not worth spending your valuable time, effort and peace of mind on.

You need to put yourself centre stage and every action you take needs to be thought of through the criteria of 'will this give me a result that will help me with my wellbeing? And will the effort to get to that point be worth the end result?'

Btw I was bullied horribly in my first job and took a couple of weeks off with depression, and everyone found out, and I was ridiculed mercilessly. And it took me a long time to leave, in retrospect I should have left after the first 2 weeks instead of becoming locked into trying to prove myself for 12 months.

I would never put myself through that again, as now I know that no matter what I did, it was impossible to turn a toxic work culture into a positive.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 30/08/2015 20:45

that OP contains a snapshot of a FB status and if the colleague is on MN she herself could put in a grievance about her work issues being discussed on social media...

The colleague is not identified in the screenshot as posted on MN. It could be absolutely any arsehole person's Facebook status. Not the same as submitting a screenshot to work of the Facebook status, with the colleague's name and place of work clearly identified to attest to her unprofessional conduct.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 30/08/2015 20:58

Very cheeky to stay on sick leave with no intentions of returning, which are OP's stated intentions

it is perfectly OK to hand in ones notice whilst on sick leave, or indeed to go off sick once you have already handed in your notice. Don't foget OP has a GPs note covering her. She is ill.

Some people on here obviousy have no idea about employemnt law or any capability to show compassion.

OP, I am sorry you have been through the mill.
I hope your new job works out well and you meet some lovely new colleagues.

SolidGoldBrass · 31/08/2015 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kali110 · 31/08/2015 02:30

If it didn't have where she worked i would have said yabu as she hadn't really gone against the social media policy, but as it does she has broken it.
As you're leaving though is it really worth more stress? You're not even going to be there so anything that happens won't even affect you.

MsJamieFraser · 31/08/2015 07:08

Bloody hell I've came back to this.
SGB

I don't have a FB ACCOUNT I deactivated mine, early yesterday, I have never replied to any of her posts, so I have no idea why you think I am "still stirring" hmm]

Left there really was no need for your comments, I get paid SSP which I have worked for. But again I'm not going to justify myself to you! You were very rude and your initial response was just completely OTT.

My friend also weren't upset what's going on in this post, they were upset about what's going on in my life currently.

this is now a pin in the ocean and as ive said in my last post, I'm now going to concentrate on me.

Yesterday I was upset because all this had just happened.

I was forced to tell friends about my illness due to a breach of confidentiality by my management!
And also it's not nice to see post being aimed at you. I have many screen shots of her post and its frankly a horrid read. I didn't post them and won't post them as it identify's others, but I think I've said this many many times.

As I've said its time to concentrate on me!

OP posts:
MsJamieFraser · 31/08/2015 07:15

SGB I have not asked or even implied anywhere on this thread that I've asked "others" to take sides.

Were you on the Gin last night, because frankly I have no idea why you have come to the conclusion I've been "still" been stirring on FB or that I've asked people to take sides.

I have not once replied to her posts, and I have deactivated my account!

My management and work colleagues know nothing about this.

I don't even think work colleague knows I am pissed off with her!

OP posts:
itsraininginbaltimore · 31/08/2015 08:10

I be just retread all of your posts Mrs to get a clearer understanding of what has been going on. I know you don't have to give away too much personal background info but in this case I think it would have helped this thread if you'd given us more info in the beginning and been a bit less cryptic about friends sobbing at your (top secret) news as its in danger of turning into a bit of a melodramatic drip feed.

However. It's clear that your immediate manager (the one who rolled her eyes when you handed in your sick note) is an unprofessional twat who has breached confidentiality and gossiped with her subordinates. Not sure whether you told her the reasons why you are so stressed, but if not it's possible she just thinks you are being flaky. Have you already handed in your notice? Admittedly it does sound like the kind of stunt someone might pull to avoid working their notice and just have a nice rest between jobs so perhaps that's what she thinks you are doing.

You obviously have some quite major upsetting stuff going on and these petty, bitchy unprofessional colleagues are not important in the scheme of things and you have probably seen the back of them now anyway so I wouldn't waste any more mental energy on worrying about them.

Having said that, If I were you I think I would certainly want to lodge a grievance against the manager who breached confidentiality in the first place with a mention of the idiot colleague on Facebook. But don't allow yourself to get dragged into lengthy disciplinary procedures and endless he said/ she said meetings about it. Just write a succinct letter to HR leaving out all the drama with angry friends in the pub and tags on Facebook. Just say that it has become apparent that due to the screenshot Facebook comments obviously directed at you that your manager has acted very unprofessionally in divulging confidential information that has created a bullying lash back from this colleague played out on social media, which has also breached policy.

Leave that as your parting gift to them and walk away and don't look back.

itsraininginbaltimore · 31/08/2015 08:15

Sorry I meant backlash obviously, not lash back! Don't know where my brain dug that up from. Confused

MidniteScribbler · 31/08/2015 09:59

She needs to have the social media policy pointed out, but she also didn't identify you in her posts.

But I can sympathise somewhat with her if her leave has been cancelled on account of the OP being on leave. Not that it's OP's problem, it's a company problem, as they should figure out cover, rather than cancel someone's leave. Imagine if you had a holiday booked and your company told you that your leave had been cancelled because someone else was on extended leave, you would probably want to have a vent about it as well. She shouldn't have put it on facebook, but I imagine she is far more angry at the company than she is at OP.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 31/08/2015 14:37

OP I'd walk away from this thread, as it certainly doesn't make it in the 'does this contribute positively to your health?' criteria mentioned earlier.

If you can I'd read the more balanced stuff, and by that I don't just mean the positive stuff but so the bits where posters are trying to give a balanced opinion in a supportive way!

Oh and I thought itsraininginbaltimores post was really useful btw, in case you missed it in the general upset you must be feeling.

Calling someone who's had breast cancer and is now suffering from poor mental health due to the trauma of previous months (& being in a toxic work environment), an "attention-seeking troublesome whinyarse that any employer would be very glad to be rid of". Words fail me.

stayanotherday · 31/08/2015 15:07

Some nasty responses here. I would do what itsraining said and leave them deal with it. People like this will get in trouble as they never learn. It's horrible but you have bigger problems, hope you're okay.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 31/08/2015 15:25

Your 'friends' are manipulating you to do their dirty work for them to settle a score with this woman in a way that may be damaging to you.

You are leaving anyway. What would a grievance achieve? It would not improve your working environment, the only aim would be to get this woman sacked. But as you are leaving this would make no difference to you and the only purpose would be the satisfaction of bringing someone down. You say you had no problem with this woman until this week when your 'friends' started gossiping to you about her. And personally, considering their axe to grind with this woman I would take everything they said with a huge pinch of salt.

Although it's not fair it is true that if an employee has a large amount of sick leave, doesn't stay long and is signed off with stress then becomes well enough to work as soon as they're offered another job their professional reputation with the previous employer is going to be pretty dicey.

What would this grievance be based on? A Facebook post which could easily be about a partners colleague or someone she was planning to go away with. Aside from that it is based on a lot of bitching and gossiping amongst friends. These sort of grievances come across as petty childish squabbles which workplaces don't want to be dragged into. Add into that, off the back of this gossip you are then going to be making accusations against management and HR of confidentiality breaches on the basis of no real evidence. Any professional reputation you have left with that company will be in the gutter. And you can kiss goodbye to any hope of anything other than a basic reference.

Is taking the risk of that worth the outcome? You won't work with her anymore anyway, it won't affect your professional life so you won't get any benefit. But you could do yourself a lot of damage.

Your friends know this but there will be no comeback on them, so they are egging you on to do this so their dirty work is done and they can have the satisfaction of seeing this woman sacked, but if there is any fallout you'll be the one to carry the can.

Their total over reaction and willingness to stir just smacks of manipulation. I hate to break it to you but these people are not your friends.

Walk away from the situation. Don't let yourself be drawn into their squabbles.

MsJamieFraser · 31/08/2015 16:00

Can I also just say, I did not have breast cancer, I had ongoing breast problems since the birth of my son 6 years ago and I underwent testing, At first I was just going to have a total duct removal on both breasts, I had my first one done in Jan, however in the mean time I tested positive to BRCA1&2 so when I went to have my other surgery in feb, it was decided that the majority of both breasts were to be removed.

Total duct removal was a simple operation, so I thought Id only need 1 week off either side of the surgeries, but clearly it was a much bigger health scare than initially thought. I was back at work 3 weeks after the mastectomy (not complete removal) with my drain still in! so its not that i'm not reliable (far from it) or a difficult or lazy employee, Im not, It was just a bigger more complicated operations then initially intended.

I loathe how some MN make people think just because they needed time off for medical reasons, it then means they are a difficult employee. I dont feel the need to elaborate on the reasons on why the GP has signed me off with acute stress. surely that is reason enough?

I need to mentally process what's been bulldozed in my life, before I feel I can tell others, but yesterday that choice got took away from me, it was easier for me to tell my friends than I thought it would be however, but still I was not mentally prepared for it. so I apologised for being cryptic, it isn't top secret, Im just not really too. once I have put in all in the right boxes in my head, hopefully it will become less stressful if that makes sense

The thing is with stress, it make little things seem bigger than they are, work annoyed me massively because they sort of forced me to do something I was not prepared for, and also hurt me, for what of a better word. I felt hurt by their complete lack of professionalism, insensitivity, lack of consideration. Im leaving, and I think my course of action will be to email head office with my notice explaining why I am leaving, what had happened and show all of the screen shots. That way I've left, but notified HO about what's going on in my branch.

Can I just say tho, work colleague did not have her leave cancelled, no one had, she isn't even part of my team, another colleague got my hours. when I say me being off work affected no staff, it really did not (well it did as a colleague got more hours which she wanted) , the only people who would have stressed over it would have been the management team, as they are the one doing the rota, so the extra overtime they might have given me, would have went to someone else, but again overtime above your contracted hours isn't compulsory.

OP posts:
MsJamieFraser · 31/08/2015 16:06

Again a a lot of assumption, My friends aren't egging me on to do anything, far from it actually.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 31/08/2015 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 31/08/2015 17:05

Oh sorry OP, that was my mistake re the health scare. I think you'll find the rest of my post though was very supportive.

MsJamieFraser · 31/08/2015 17:14

It was Misc, most have been, its been a good thread in the sense its been therapeutic, thankfully its made me realise I need to concentrate on me, and from now on that's what I am going to do Flowers x

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 01/09/2015 15:08

good luck OP, sorry you had some idiots on here!

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