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AIBU?

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Original poster

To put a grevience in about work colleague (Facebook)

125 replies

MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 07:16

I'm on the sick from work, but told no one except my bosses why I've had to go on sick leave.

Colleague put this on Facebook (photo) and as I am the only one on sick leave.... It not rock science who it's aimed at.

We also have a social media policy,

However it did not stop there, she went out last night and bumped into my friends and was slatting me to them, (and tagged them in a post saying it was a good catch up, clearly aimed at me)

Friends immediately rang me and said they are furious with her and they have had to leave the pub as she was really nasty about me going on sick leave.

AIBU put a grevience in, and also a grevience in about the lack of confidentiality in my work place

To put a grevience in about work colleague (Facebook)
OP posts:
Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 10:21

Yes there is a link with her post, she's put her place of work on her profile , she's also stated in detail her loathing of a member of management, naming him.

However management comment is none of my business, the comments aimed at me is.

Thankyou for all your concern also, I am getting help, I have my first psychology appointment next week, and I'm also n the waiting list for stress management/counselling and PSTD therapy.

i

OP posts:
LosingTheWillToSkate · 30/08/2015 10:26

I've never asked why you're signed off. But you are signed off so no you don't know who else is off sick.

You posted about a single status update. That's all anyone can respond to. Not the now apparently masses of other things that you haven't mentioned until now.

Your friends are friends with this woman on Facebook, else she couldn't tag them.

If someone started slating my friend to me I wouldn't sit and listen for 10 minutes and then call them when it was on Facebook.

There's nothing at all in what you posted as her status update that would get her sacked.

It's all a bit drama llama-ish.

You aren't going back there so move on and let it go.

hackmum · 30/08/2015 10:40

I think if the firm has a social media policy, then it's legitimate to make a complaint. It doesn't matter whether the comment was aimed at you or someone else - she shouldn't be making comments about work on Facebook.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 10:41

Again, I do, even tho I am sick leave, I am still in contact with some management so please again stop with the assumptions. I also did not say it was you who asked me the reasons why I was signed of with acute stress, all I asked you was to stop making assumptions.

No I am not going back, but im still classed as working there, until I put my notice in. Currently I dont have the means to not get sick pay, I need that income.

I have not said they weren't friends on FB... as I said there is history between them.

To you it's all drama, for others it creates a huge negative impact.

Thank you for you opinion tho.

OP posts:
hackmum · 30/08/2015 10:42

Sorry, I've just seen this: "She's also stated in detail her loathing of a member of management, naming him."

You might as well report that as well. In fact, that is a very serious breach of conduct, so she would be disciplined for that, if not sacked, I'd imagine.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 30/08/2015 10:50

Were you not at all tempted to comment on her status asking her who she could possibly be reffering too? I would've had too.

Not sure what to make of your friends either.

What do you actually want to happen to her if you report her?

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 10:55

No, I did not want to get into a FB drama, or even lower myself to let her know her comments bothered me, I screen shot the comments, because I, tbh I dont know why..

It only really got to me, when she intruded her opinions onto my friends and also the lack of confidentially in my work knowing the reason why I was off.

I dont know what I expect to happen tbh, I just feel I need to put a complaint in about her behaviour.

OP posts:
Florriesma · 30/08/2015 10:55

I think you'd be better getting this thread moved to employment rather than leave it in aibu. You're after sensible advice not being baited and harangued.

If it were me in your position yes I would compliance to hr and see what happens. It rather depends how strongly yo feel about this and whether you feel you could cope with the stress that entails. There is no harm in enquiring however.

Ripeningapples · 30/08/2015 10:57

From an HR pov it is very important to know if it's work related stress or not.

HR won't take action unless you submit a written grievance. You should however try to resolve it first with your manager.

If you are so stressed you can't work, I would have thought you were too stressed to raise a grievance and go through the interview and hearing process to be honest. You sound a bit vexatious.

I think you should consider carefully what ends up in future references. It's not what's put in writing after the job offer that would worry me but what would be said over the phone before an offer was made. And yes that happens. What springs to mind after thus thread I'm afraid is unreliable, difficult interpersonal relationships and high maintenance.

OP - sort yourself out, focus on the new job and get on with the rest of your life keeping work and private matters entirely separate.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 30/08/2015 10:58

'draw a lounge under it and relax Grin plansitter.

2ndSopranosRule · 30/08/2015 11:01

I suspect the op didn't comment so as not to draw herself into this whole saga and rise above, no?

I too am shocked at the lack of support and from what the op has said, it does seem that the comment was aimed at her. It's a bit like when my colleagues moan that there's noone in at a certain time - it's aimed squarely at me and the fact I'm part time. I too have seen disdain aimed at people when they've had time off with stress and depression - the air quotes, the eye rolling the curled upper lip. It sickens me because it can happen to anyone.

Stress is real and can make you very ill. Were it not for the fact I've had a lot of leave this summer to cover school holiday childcare I'd probably have been signed off myself.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 30/08/2015 11:02

Another person stunned by many of the responses in this thread. Give your heads a wobble.

HermioneWeasley · 30/08/2015 11:03

You says they are dreadful employers, but they have allowed an enormous amount of sickness absence in 10 months, when you have few employment rights. And you are resigning, not being dismissed.

They sound pretty supportive to me.

If they have an active social media policy which you have signed, they are doing more than most. You might want to make them aware so they can look into it, but a formal grievance wouldn't be best use of anyone's time IME.

I hope things improve for you

lemoncordial · 30/08/2015 11:08

OP I'm sorry you're not well. I hope you get the support and treatment you need to get better soon.

Yanbu. Raise a grievance. Your colleague has behaved appallingly.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 30/08/2015 11:11

You see what she wrote doesn't really incriminate her at all. She could've wrote on someone else's behalf for all you know. I just don't know how you'd prove that that status was aimed at you. I can see how you would think it was as you're off sick and I think it is because of how you've described her but I don't reckon you could prove it.

Look at it this way. You're not going back there. You won't have to see the silly cow again. You say she's had a written warning about it before well it's clearly not stopped her. So the chances are she'll come unstuck in the future.

And keep your new colleagues off your Facebook. Most of mine are restricted to what they can see of my stuff.

Viviennemary · 30/08/2015 11:11

I'm afraid I agree that this is all a bit out of office drama rather than a workplace issue. However, if she had mentioned you by name then you would have a cause for complaint. And her behaviour in naming a member of management is very wrong of course. So you could certainly report if you wish to.

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 11:13

The whole place could be classed as vexatious tbh, but I am not, reference also got, my nice manager gave me a glowing reference, he also looking for a new job, as he is struggling with the dynamics of the place. It needs HR intervention really, as the GM is shockingly bad at the job, allows work force bullying, has had good honest hard working staff transfer to another branches because of the work place drama/toxic working environment, allows physical fights between staff with no disciplinary, the list is endless.

I am not out to cause annoyance, far from it, I needed to look for a new job because it was affecting my mental health, I felt as if I was walking around with a big horrible grey cloud suffocating me, and since I've needed to go on the sick, that cloud is not so suffocating any more.

AS for my reference, its already done, current job will not impact new job, its not even in the same industry. My manager who done it for me, is also looking for a new post. He's happy that I am leaving, to get away from his word scum place.

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 30/08/2015 11:16

2ndsoprano I can understand not wanting to get draw into stupid Facebook dramas. Not even sure what I would've wrote myself. Probably a line of question marks.

Hissy · 30/08/2015 11:17

(((Mrs)))

I think it might help you to decide what you want to achieve and then take the steps to do so.

Do you WANT her fired? Or do you just want to be left alone? I'd imagine the latter will be easier for you to handle at he moment.

Your friends are behind you and I'm glad they are coming to see you, they know who she is and what she is, so tbh her time as a mate to any of them (I would hope) is limited.

If you are leaving anyway, I'd suggest that you just bide your time and then go. I don't think you'd be happy getting someone fired. That's not who you are love.

Just think, if she's miffed that you are on sick leave, imagine how she'll be when she hears you're leaving!

Screenshot the crap stuff about her manager tho, always helps to have something in the weapons store

Hang in there lovely!

I owe you a proper pm reply... Will get to it soon!

Original poster
MsJamieFraser · 30/08/2015 11:21

Thankyou Hissy, I've just seen I have an email, bloody hackergate!

And No I would not want someone to be fired, I just need/want her to understand that her behaviour is bloody awful.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 30/08/2015 11:28

As I see it, you can

  1. Ignore her. Best strategy if you are leaving anyway. Most dignified.
  2. Do a grievance. More stress, frankly, but I think she might get told off.
  3. Just make a formal complaint in an email to a line manager that you are being harassed whilst on sick leave and you would like her to stop. Only works if it is obvious she is harassing you. Marks her card whatever the outcome though.
  4. Send her a letter from your solicitor saying that if she continues to slag you off in public you will consider a libel action, so she needs to shut her mouth from this point onwards (put more legally and formally than that, of course).

I would do 1 or 3.

RaspberryOverload · 30/08/2015 11:39

If she's got previous form for this sort of thing, she will not get that her behaviour is wrong. It'll all be twisted to make you the bad guy in her mind, and her the "victim".

And I'm speaking as someone who had a few months off sick with stress a few years ago.

It took me a while to get out, but I did, and work somewhere really nice now, and the stress lifted the day I walked out for the final time.

SolidGoldBrass · 30/08/2015 11:39

The thing is, you can't make someone change his or her mind, and, actually, seeing her get 'told off' is not going to make you feel any better about your own health issues. It's not madly unreasonable for people to be exasperated when a work colleague has a lot of time off sick for various mysterious reasons - or even if the person is off sick for a reason that is widely known and can't be helped (eg person got hit by a lorry or something and is going to be in hospital for months). Having someone off sick for a long time can and does impact on other people's workload, and it's not a crime to find this annoying and say so, especially if the person off sick is someone you didn't like much in the first place.
You hate the job and you are leaving. Just concentrate on that rather than what sounds like an attempt at petty score-settling.

hackmum · 30/08/2015 11:44

I don't fully understand other people's perspective on this thread. Everyone (including the OP, I think) seems to think it's about the OP. But it's not. From an employer's point of view, this is about an employee behaving in a highly unprofessional manner by making derogatory comments about a colleague on social media. This reflects badly on the employer - particularly the woman's previous comments about a named manager. If I were the employer, I would want to know about it.

RaspberryOverload · 30/08/2015 11:44

While complaining about this colleague might be a waste ot time, the issue that stands out for me is thatsomeone told people why the OP was off sick.

She's said that she handed the sick note directly to her general manager, that the general manager was the only one who knew why she was off, so to me the real complaint should be about the breech in confidentiality.

I'd certainly be complaining about that.