To put a grevience in about work colleague (Facebook)

[MsJamieFraser]

I'm on the sick from work, but told no one except my bosses why I've had to go on sick leave.

Colleague put this on Facebook (photo) and as I am the only one on sick leave.... It not rock science who it's aimed at.

We also have a social media policy,

However it did not stop there, she went out last night and bumped into my friends and was slatting me to them, (and tagged them in a post saying it was a good catch up, clearly aimed at me)

Friends immediately rang me and said they are furious with her and they have had to leave the pub as she was really nasty about me going on sick leave.

AIBU put a grevience in, and also a grevience in about the lack of confidentiality in my work place

hacksmum, Im in between, because the comments were aimed at me, its become personal. however if I worked in a place who actually gave a fook about their staff then I would no doubt let my employers know.

Ive gave a lot to the job, been subjected to all sorts in those months, seen things which should not be in the work place, and put up with alot of shit.

bloody phone keeps jumping.

Im pissed off BIG time, that my illness has become common knowledge and friends found out via another source, when I personally kept it from everyone who did not need to know.

I think your best policy is to ignore her now, and IF the situation presents itself in the future you can THANK HER and tell her that her being such a grade A bitch was what made you realise you were worth so much more and what pushed you on to get the new job... And now you are SOOOOO much better off and happy...

Chuck in a subtle use of the word karma and hissy shouts HOUSE!

Bit of creative licence perhaps, but the rubbing it in her face will be far more satisfying than giving her what she wants right now which is you attacking her and she then points and hurls words like paranoid and unstable at you... People like her are on a different level when it comes to being nasty. She's got this all planned out in her head somehow.

Unplan it by not playing the game...

I hope you have unfriended her now.

Concentrate on getting better and maybe delay starting the new job until you are fully recovered and feel you can properly cope?

I think I'd certainly want to follow up the breach of confidentiality.

If you lodge the greivence the most you are likely to get is an apology, and that's the best possible outcome, the worst is that you go through a stressful investigation process, hearing etc and then get told your greivence is not upheld.
If you think you have the strength to go through all of this, especially given that you are leaving and will need to focus your energies on your new job, then go for it, lodge the greivence, just be aware that it's not a quick or easy process.

I don't start new job until a few more weeks, by then I will have had answers to some of the questions that have been bulldozed at me. And had 6 or more sessions in therapy. Also I cant afford to delay work.

That's my plan anyway, for this moment in time, I am mentally preparing myself to tell my friends what has happened, i expect tears from all of us tbh, is it to early to start the yet?

this thread has been therapy, its took my mind off things, and made me realise I need to concentrate on the important things, instead of an narrow minded 40 something bitch

Yy op quite right. She ain't worth it.

She definitely isn't worth it.

I'd maybe drop an email to HR with the screenshots so they had a record of it. However, I wouldn't bother with a formal grievance as you've left (I think) and the whole process would be stressful for you especially if not handled well by your employers.

If your place of work is vile and your employers unsupportive what do you realistically feel you will achieve by placing the grievance? What resolution are you hoping for? Especially as you are planning to resign. Are you sure that your employer will take your grievance seriously and tackle your colleague or is there a chance that they will just pay lip service to the process?

I think if you are leaving anyway and you are not going to be dealing with your colleague again you need to consider whether the stress of the grievance procedure will be worth it.

OP, I've no idea what's going on in your life but clearly something has stressed you and you are trying to keep it a secret. But are you trying to keep the thing that has stressed you a secret or the stress itself.

I am very confused. You are too ill to go to work, but you are in touch with work mates and your friends. You are going to see your friends and tell them about your stress related illness and are wondering whether to start on the wine? Whilst being too unwell to go to work and fulfil your contract with your present employer you have been able to find a new job and negotiate a new contract/reference etc..

I do hope you feel better soon but this doesn't smack of very straightforward goings on and in my experience in HR there are three sides to every story. Her side, their side and the truth - that is very much what a grievance investigation seeks to clarify if properly conducted. Very often it exposes faults on both sides and underlying most grievances, somewhere along the line, performance issues tend to be exposed - often on both sides too.

Good luck in your new job and my advice is to go to work, be reliable, get on with the job and keep your work and private lives separate. Don't talk about anyone and don't seek out gossip, keep your head down and focus on the work to be done.

The way I'm reading it, she went to ask for some time off and got turned down with reason given that Jamie is off sick. So it sounds to me like the manager is using you as a excuse. Maybe she got annoyed and asked what was wrong and when you would be back and at this point the manager breached your confidentiality by saying something like, stress, and was derogatory about it

You said that manager was unsympathetic when you gave in note, so she prob got the msg that you were messing them about and then immaturely, in her anger at not getting her time off, goes on FB to moan.

So, overall, the workplace sounds horrible, the manager and her are behaving unprofessionally and manager is breaking your confidentiality....but given you are leaving anyway I think I'd leave it and leave them to their unhappy environment. I think they will bitch about you even more if you raise a grievance and scapegoat you as you won't be there, whether or not you win it on paper.

Sorry you are going through this, some people will never be sympathetic about sickness in others. In some ways though it seems good to me if a true friend now knows that you are suffering and will be there for you. Rather than people who don't really know you or care about you criticising you, I hope you will be getting good support now from friend...and as for person who said,how can you contemplate being on FB, wine or seeing a friend when you are off sick....another who does not get it....

OP I think that you have a valid grievance albeit one that will be nearly impossible to resolve in terms of a disciplinary for the person involved. I'd also question whether at this stage filing a grievance is the best thing for your mental health at the moment, from experience I'd wager it'll add to your stresses rather than give any satisfaction (or justice for that matter).

You are definitely NU to raise a grievance if you wish, if this is the case I genuinely wish you all the best with it and hope that person gets a talking to at the very least. But in all seriousness think long and hard over whether the stress and aggravation is worth it when you already know you're going to be leaving. If it were me I'd probably just concentrate on getting better and then focusing on my new role, to me pursuing a grievance where the likelihood of any positive outcome is minor is probably not the best thing for helping with stress, and your health & wellbeing is priority here.

Whatever you decide though, good luck & hope you feel better in your new role!!!

Forget about it. Move on. Next time, do not mix business and pleasure on FB!!!! I'm amazed people still do this. Bonkers.

She sounds like a cow, but tbh, you're not coming across great either! Your stress would be better directed at moving forward.

It's annoying but you cannot prove she was talking about you as it was a general comment.

You are leaving anyway - don't get involved with the toxicity of this place.

Wishing you better health for the next job. And don't have any colleagues on Facebook. Ever.

Ripeningapples you've made a lot of assumptions there and have shown you really don't understand, I mean I on on the sick from work so clearly by your standards that means I should be in complete isolation away from everyday life.

Someone can be unfit for work, yet still be able to do most of their everyday activities! I'm unfit for work, not unfit for life!

Of course there is always different sides to every story, everyone has different opinions, to everything. Pointless passive aggressive comment to say really!

As for me being reliable you really don't know me to make that judgement! I'm being judged by you because I think that your judging me on having 6 weeks off work at the start of my employment, but having the majority of my breasts removed due to cancerous cells really is insignificant to the paltry 6 weeks I had off!

I don't even know why I'm explaining my 6 weeks off tbh, it was a very much needed surgery!

Anyway I've left my friend to compose herself after telling them what's going on, ones sobbed her heart out and I needed a moment alone to compose myself also.

Can I just state also I've only been on sick leave for 6 days... My job offer was over 4-6 weeks ago! So please don't make assumptions about me using this time to sort my head out! Frankly you know nothing of my situation to even make those sweeping assumptions!

But hey there's more to life than work. Thank you to those who have made me see this to you all.

OP - I think you should hide this thread and go and focus on something positive. You don't have to explain yourself but of course by its nature people will make assumptions on an Internet forum. The more you discuss and ruminate over this woman with us and with your friends, the more upset you will feel. You don't really want to give her the power to control your emotions when you're leaving anyway. Abandon. Abort. Cut off. Spend your energies and focus on something pleasant. Plant some bulbs, go for a swim, read a book, watch a film. Eat some chocolate.

Right! Now there's a bit more info, YANBU. 1. There's clearly been a breach in social media policy. 2. There's also been a breach in confidentiality if you only told your manager/HR the reason why you were signed of sick. Personal medical information should not be water fountain gossip/distributed information within the company, let alone spoken about on a night up in the pub.

I can't understand people saying let it go when I would think the personal information alone should be someone to looked into.

I don't really follow what has actually happened (does the colleague know why you are off sick) and what has gone on between your friends and your colleague (FWIW if I was in the pub and bumped into some friends of a colleague who was off sick, I wouldn't think it was a horrendous breach of privacy to say that she was off sick - that's nothing secret or workplace confidential).

I completely agree with the posters that you need to be clear what you want to happen here, and bear in mind that the post about "people being off sick" really can't be linked to you in the same way that, say, the one slagging off the manager can be. Given that you are moving on anyway very soon, I think reporting but not putting in a grievance would be a proportionate response, that flags up the FB activity for further investigation but doesn't embroil you in a formal process that almost certainly won't deliver the outcome that you want.

Christine - it wasn't that the colleague mentioned OP was ill. It was more the point that OP had kept the reason confidential but then the colleague told mutual friends exactly why OP was off work. If it was me, I would deem that a breach of confidentiality.

I agree that it is unacceptable to talk about why someone is off sick, but couldn't work out from the OP's posts that this is what had happened (ie friends didn't know the OP was signed off work with stress until the colleague told them)

I also think that the OP's friends are being melodramatic and unhelpful right now. Unless there's a huge bit of background info we don't know about, it sounds completely OTT for one friend to have to compose themselves and another to be sobbing their heart out because a spiteful colleague / sort of friend has been stirring things up and breaching confidentiality.

Christine, I don't think you're reading very carefully. I think quite a few others are doing the same as well.

I read it as the OP having finally confided in a friend as to what is going on (ie why she is off with stress etc, or possibly even why she was off sick for six weeks a while back, though I'm not sure that's something she would have been able to hide completely so maybe not that).

Op how come you know this lady is on a final warning? That's highly confidential information about her?

If you can't do the job, resign. Now.
Stop taking money you've not worked for.
Perhaps if your new job is more than a whole ten hours a week you'll be too busy to be on Facebook anyway.
And yes you being off probably has had knock on effects for many other staff.