...to give up on driving after only 5 lessons?

[SunsetBeetch]

It's taken me ages to get around to learning to drive (I'm in my 30s!) because I've always felt scared of it and have felt that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

However, I am being made redundant at the end of the year, and the jobs market in my immediate area (i.e. where I can get to on the bus) is so poor, I finally resolved to start driving.

I have had five lessons so far, although not consecutively, because of holidays and illness on both sides, so three lessons > two weeks' break > one lesson > week break > one lesson.

I have been very nervous throughout, and really all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense' - yeah, well me too!

I don't think I'm completely awful - my clutch control has been fine from the start, but I struggle a little with co-ordination and my steering needs improvement. My lessons have been variable - sometimes I do things well, then I mess up.

After lesson three, my instructor said I may need to consider an automatic, due to poor coordination with gears, but lesson four went well, gears no problem, and he didn't mention it again.

Lesson 5 was not so great, I felt quite shakey and I don't think it was solely due to nerves as I have had an upset stomach and felt shakey today too so I think I've come down with something. Lesson 5 concentrated on steering and junctions and at one point I hit the kerb and my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'. This was quite early on and things did improve after this, although I panicked a bit when we happened upon a horse in a country lane, and again when I thought a motorbike was attempting to pass me when I was about to go around a car that was sticking out of a side land into a field. I was half expecting him to say I should quit at the end of the lesson, but he didn't and I've got another booked for next week.

My instructor is never unpleasant and doesn't shout, and I have been given some praise too, but he clearly gets exasperated with me too. I know I'm a bag of nerves and therefore it stands to reason that I'm going to be a bit slower than normal people at learning. And I was a bit offended at the automatic comment after only 3 lessons, as I thought he was expecting too much of me too soon and perhaps didn't have much experience of nervous drivers with no lessons behind them. But now I'm thinking he must know what he's talking about, it's his profession after all and perhaps I should just give up and not waste everyone's time and money. But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

Please get a new instructor! I learned at 16, but gave up due to a bad instructor (and slightly due to thinking spending my money on clubbing was a better idea!). Went back to it at 21 and found an incredibly pleasant, calm, encouraging guy who even when I did silly things never made me feel bad at all (I remember him needing to slam the breaks on when I tried to pull out of a junction as something was coming, he just said 'careful, never mind, happens to everyone' etc. He also explained roundabouts really well, and didn't make me feel stupid about 'not getting them' at first. He was absolutely bloody brilliant - if you're in Worcestershire by any chance, PM me and I'll pass his details along.

It makes such a difference finding someone who is really good. I failed twice before I passed, and he really kept me going when I was quite down about it! I've been driving five years now, and (touch wood) have never had a crash, I put a lot of that down to his teaching. It once snowed, and instead of cancelling the lesson he took me out to show me how to safely drive in bad conditions. He made me drive on all kinds of roads, all over the show. I had a motorway lesson with him after I passed and it really helped me become confident.

Please please please don't give up and try a different instructor! It's worth it, I promise

I passed recently and am in my early forties, and feel this was in spite of my instructor rather than because of him and wish I had changed! I had 20lessons of 2 hours a time and didn't master changing gears without looking at them until around lesson 12 ish. And i still haven't really got the hang of clutch control so I think you are doing better than you realise. I was also nervous before each lesson, my reasoning was that at least this showed I was taking it seriously rather than being over confident! I can't imagine there are many people who immediately get the hang of every area of driving technique,and a good instrcutor should work on your weaker areas with you rather than demolishing your self confidence.

Also, it is his job to calm and relax you rather than increasing your tension by saying"I wish you weren't so tense" - as if that is going to be of the slightest help or relax you in any way!
I too would have been crapping myself if I had to drive past a horse. And don't like driving near bikes either.

Wow, thanks for all the encouraging posts everyone. I was so convinced I was just the crappest learner driver who ever tried to learn to drive.

I did mention my nerves to him right from the start - all he said was 'I have had that before'...and that was it. Last lesson I said at the end I still feel nervous and he said 'I can try and work on your streering with you as you can't drive without being able to steer, but I can't help with nerves' and I said 'I know, that's something I have to try and resolve myself', like some kind of stupid gullible twat

My neighbour was in the same situation as you. She came for a cuppa one afternoon and told me she had done a few lessons with a local instructor, but he had told her she was just one of those people that probably shouldn't learn to drive as she had no coordination and was too nervous. So she had given up.

I was in the process of learning to drive myself at that point and was finally getting the hang of things, so I emphatically insisted he was wrong. I explained that I had been the same but was now finding it much easier, and that it was just a case of practice and confidence. I convinced her to try another instructor.

She not only took me at my word and took it up again with renewed vigour, but the bugger damn well went and passed her test before I did!
The cheek of it!

Anyway - go for it.

Christ, I must have had literally hundreds of lessons scattered out over 4 years (didn't do any during term time at uni and I was abroad for my third year) but even I got the hang of it and passed eventually

You really need a new instructor, I can't believe after just five lessons he said he didn't think driving was for you!! What a dick My driving instructor had the patience of a saint and never made me feel stupid or anything, ask around for recommendations and don't be afraid to change instructors more than once until you find one you're 100% comfortable with

I couldn't read this and not post. I used to have what I would describe as a massive phobia of driving, and only the birth of my daughter persuaded me to get back behind the wheel after 12 years. I understand exactly the fear you are feeling about driving and I think your instructor is a total idiot for writing you off after only a handful of lessons - totally unprofessional of him, not to mention short sighted, and absolutely wrong!! I am outraged on your behalf. Change your instructor and don't give up. I eventually went with a female instructor as I was just more comfortable and - rightly or wrongly - felt less judged than with a male instructor, and therefore a little more at ease. Even if it takes a long time before you are comfortable behind the wheel just persevere, even if it feels absolutely horrible right now you will one day reap the rewards I promise. I used to have sleepless nights and feel sick before my lessons, I was totally convinced that I was useless and would never feel in control of the vehicle or remotely confident. But now I'm absolutely fine. It all came together slowly but I got there and so will you. It won't always feel like this I promise you, but nothing worth having comes easy unfortunately. I would never have conquered this for myself, but I knew if I didn't drive then things such as my daughters choice of school and playdates would be an issue as I wouldn't be able to take her anywhere without public transport and I didn't want her to be at a disadvantage because of my fears. Be patient with yourself, and just take it slowly, you will definitely be driving your own car one day, it will all just 'click'. And your nerves will fade gradually as you get used to it. Ignore your stupid instructor - you need more than 3 lessons to get the hang of gears, honestly! I very much doubt you'll be driving an automatic! And even if you do, who cares so long as you get from A to B. Go for it, you are just as good as anybody else :-)

Do keep trying. I had many many lessons and about 7 instructors! Passed on my 6th attempt, but it was instructor 6 that was really patient with me and sorted out my nerves.

I'm so glad I kept going with it. It really has improved my life. Do consider a different instructor, maybe call a few and explain you are very nervous, see how they react.

Just bumping thist to give a quick update, hope that's ok!

Did some research and found myself a likely driving instructor (they are all so busy and booked solid!). Had my first lesson with him on Tuesday.

Bloody hell, what a difference! He is so laid back, told me it's perfectly natural to be nervous and that there were no 'sorries' in his car as I was learning and was bound to make mistakes. His technique is so different; he asks me questions all the time about what I should do next, why I did something, what etc, and that really helps. I felt much more relaxed and feel for the first time that I can actually do this (no matter how long it takes me!).

Thanks again for sharing your experiences with me and for encouraging me

I am so happy for you! Doesn't matter how long it takes, you'll get there.

Definitely change instructors. I am a late learner and the first guy I had literally had me in tears every lesson. My confidence was in shreds after a few weeks. Switched to a lovey lady, who had the patience of a saint. Took me another year to really feel confident with my driving and felt ready to sit my test. Passed first time Don't give up!

Glad it's working out OP. 5 lessons is nothing. I wasted a lot of time on a crap instructor - an ex-army type who really had no idea how to train a nervous but capable and intelligent learner. After 2 failed tests with him I changed instructors and passed third time. It took me about 2 years in total but I had a long break after failing the 2nd time as it knocked my confidence so much. I got to a standard where my driving was better than that of many people who pass but I was nervous. My mum kindly let me chauffeur her around so I was accompanied by an experienced driver and just kept driving until the nerves lessened.

Whilst being really nervous will cause you to make mistakes, I think many drivers could do with being rather less relaxed. They should be concentrating on the road, not texting their mates and speeding.

Pleased to hear you have found a better instructor and glad it's going well. xx

I'm glad you've found a better instructor :) I was an awful learner too (and I mean shocking learner) but now I love driving!

As for "I don't think this is for you" after bumping a curb what the actual fuck?? Bumping kerbs is what learners do!

I'm so glad you didn't give up! Hope the lessons go well, am sure you'll find you come on in leaps and bounds now

Don't you dare give up!!

Another voice to the chorus of 'find a different instructor'

Definitely get a new instructor! Someone might be able to PM you a recommendation if you post a general area?

I took holiday time last year to do three 2,5 hour lessons a week and passed in three months. I was. 30 and scared of driving and it didn't come naturally. I think having the lessons all together really helped. I know it's hard to afford (I was lucky that my mum paid) or find the time, but I think i would still be learning now if I'd done one a week or fortnight!

I still don't love driving but I LOVE the freedom.

So glad you swapped! I kept with the same lady for about...two years? Yeah, I know. (I have medical reasons it was going to take a long time to learn, but even so!)

She always criticised me, never praised, and would tell me to pull over and ask why I make some small mistake 4 roads back. I of course couldn't even remember it by then! I ended my last few sessions in years.

Finally I changed instructors to a man, who was really laid back, praised when I did something right, and never made a big deal if I made an error. My confidence shot up. With her I became convinced I would never pass, but I did with him!

Change the instructor, I went through a couple before I finally clicked with one. I have to say most of my learning came after I passed my test! I also took my test in my husbands car because it made me feel more at ease. Keep going otherwise the lessons you've had will just be a waste and you'll be starting from scratch again. Call the company and ask for another instructor or go with another school.

So glad you finally seem to have found an instructor you are able to get along with.

I had to change instructors when I was learning to drive. The first spent most of the lesson parked at the side of the road talking rather than driving, and we just got nowhere. The second was very good and actually got me driving. He was also an instructor for the Institute of Advanced Motorists as well as a basic driving instructor, and got my Dad interested in taking an advanced test!! So he also became instructor to my Dad as well as to me.

DEFINITELY change your instructor! My first lessons were with a Woman who used what was clearly her 'dream' car for lessons (a mini cooper s; they'd only just brought the new shape out at the time) and she physically cringed if I came within a foot of anything, up to and including a kerb!

After another one in the middle the guy I eventually passed with used to get me to stop mid-lesson so we could both have a smoke, and was full of banter. A much more relaxing experience.

Just as in anything else, not all instructors are good at their job. Try someone else :)

Oops, only just saw your latest update; YAY! :D :D

So glad you've found an instructor that is working out for you.

I've now got my test booked in 5 weeks time. My instructor said that he could put me in for it tomorrow and expect me to pass if I concentrated. I just need a bit more practice and confidence. He fully expects me to pass it first time.

That is the sort of encouragement you need!

1 other thing. Don't be afraid to ask something. Like I asked how I should judge distance when passing parked cars. He then gave me ideas on how to best judge for myself.

Nice update OP, just came to say it took me four attempts and four instructors as I moved round the country but I'm now a confident driver, driven ten years and only one little silly bump. I'm great in theory, not so great in practical exams but practice makes perfect and having a licence is life changing so keep going!