...to give up on driving after only 5 lessons?

[SunsetBeetch]

It's taken me ages to get around to learning to drive (I'm in my 30s!) because I've always felt scared of it and have felt that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

However, I am being made redundant at the end of the year, and the jobs market in my immediate area (i.e. where I can get to on the bus) is so poor, I finally resolved to start driving.

I have had five lessons so far, although not consecutively, because of holidays and illness on both sides, so three lessons > two weeks' break > one lesson > week break > one lesson.

I have been very nervous throughout, and really all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense' - yeah, well me too!

I don't think I'm completely awful - my clutch control has been fine from the start, but I struggle a little with co-ordination and my steering needs improvement. My lessons have been variable - sometimes I do things well, then I mess up.

After lesson three, my instructor said I may need to consider an automatic, due to poor coordination with gears, but lesson four went well, gears no problem, and he didn't mention it again.

Lesson 5 was not so great, I felt quite shakey and I don't think it was solely due to nerves as I have had an upset stomach and felt shakey today too so I think I've come down with something. Lesson 5 concentrated on steering and junctions and at one point I hit the kerb and my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'. This was quite early on and things did improve after this, although I panicked a bit when we happened upon a horse in a country lane, and again when I thought a motorbike was attempting to pass me when I was about to go around a car that was sticking out of a side land into a field. I was half expecting him to say I should quit at the end of the lesson, but he didn't and I've got another booked for next week.

My instructor is never unpleasant and doesn't shout, and I have been given some praise too, but he clearly gets exasperated with me too. I know I'm a bag of nerves and therefore it stands to reason that I'm going to be a bit slower than normal people at learning. And I was a bit offended at the automatic comment after only 3 lessons, as I thought he was expecting too much of me too soon and perhaps didn't have much experience of nervous drivers with no lessons behind them. But now I'm thinking he must know what he's talking about, it's his profession after all and perhaps I should just give up and not waste everyone's time and money. But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

These comments about you not taking to driving are really unhelpful and unprofessional. It sounds from what you've said like you have done really well, but even if you were behind the curve, what is to be gained by telling you that. honestly, he sounds like an idiot I'm afraid. You will learn to drive and you need to put whatever nonsense he's said down to stupidity, bad day, whatever. Nothing to do with you or your ability to drive.

I would look at another instructor too. It's just one of those things, sometimes you don't gel with one but you do with another.

Don't get a relative or partner to teach you, it's a recipe for disaster. I still remember my lessons with my dad which were traumatic for both of us.

There's absolutely no reason why you can't learn to drive, pass your test and be a good driver so don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise. Yes, it's a skill you need to learn, but get yourself a good instructor and you will be fine. It's just building up confidence in yourself.

Good luck!

I'm going to up my lessons to 2 a week. I'm finding an hour is fine nerve wise but I tend to obsess over whether I will remember everything or if I'm doing it right.

Toad going back to school, theory test to take then more driving! Vroom vroom!

I'm glad you are changing instructors OP. My first instructor was fucking awful. She made little sly digs and not so sly remarks when I made a mistake and her tone of voice was just ghastly. Like you, I was extremely nervous and felt sick to my stomach on the days I had a lesson.

The final straw came when I accidentally clipped a kerb on a dual carriageway and she screamed in my face and swore at me. I was that terrified that I burst into tears and had to end my lesson by asking her to drive me home, I was so shook up.

I did eventually pass my test with someone else but every time I get into the car a wave of fear hits me because of that first instructor.

I personally wouldn't do a double length lesson.
Driving is as much a brain skill as a physical one, and an hour at a time is plenty long enough.
I used to find that I was exhausted afger an hour.
When I took my first test, it was recommended (practically obligatory) thaf you had a lesson beforehand to "warm up", but I fou d by the time I got to the test I couldn't do it anymore. Too much concentration in one go.

I built up that stamina over time, but when I was new to driving, an hour was my limit really.

Change up your instructor. Practice changing gears at home. I did it by using three washing up sponges as the pedals, holding a wii steering wheel console thing and miming the changing gear action. I looked like a complete muppet sat on my sofa, going on an imaginary drive and talking myself through the gears. But it worked! To begin with my brain struggled to remember what my feet and hands should be doing because I was doing three different things at the same time. It becomes a reflex, I've been a driver for 8 years and I don't need to think about it now, but at the time I really struggled because I kept 2nd guessing myself. Do not quit. It was the best thing I ever did. I persevered after someone reversed into me on my first lesson. You can do it! Change instructors and practise as much as you can. Being able to drive will change your life. Good luck

Fucking hell poppy !

My first instructor kept putting his hand on my thigh and asking me to go for a drink with him after the lesson. It did not help me concentrate!

My second instructor was a retired psychologist, he was amazingly reassuring.

Oh my God, Poppy, she sounds like an absolute horror!

Loki, that is genious!

And sorry to see that the 'pervy driving instructor' isn't a myth, BabyGanoush.

Thanks so much for all the advice and encouragement, everyone, and for reassuring me that I'm not alone. . As some of you pointed out, current instructor has wrecked my confidence when he should have been building it up. Hopefully I'll find the right instructor for me. I will keep you updated.

I passed my test 23 years ago after 2 years of lessons I was crap due to nerves and poor co ordination I had a great instructor but I found it really really hard and emotionally and physically draining. Even though it took me 2 years and my parents spent 100's of pounds I passed my test but was always a crap nervous driver. I drove locally for about 3 years sweating and nearly vomiting on every journey I completed. It was total hell!!! I then moved to the capital for 3 years so didn't need a car and when I came back my confidence was at a total low. I am now married with 2 kids and don't drive. I have had 3 or 4 different instructors for refresher courses but I am just so nervous it makes me ill- so I have given up!!! Weirdly I was diagnosed with IBS and dermatitis when I was driving - after I moved to London both conditions miraculously disappeared and I have had neither condition since. I am not trying to put you off but saying is it really worth it if it makes you ill. I walk and bus everywhere, and yes sometimes I have to miss out on some things but not many- my husband drives so we can get around. People think I am odd and that driving is a total necessity with kids - they moan sometimes as their friends can jump in the car to go the local shop (7 min walk!!) and we have to walk- but I keep very fit for not driving!!!

Get a new instructor - driving often takes a lot of time and practice to learn, don't give up!

my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'

God. I wish mine had said that! I asked several times whether it could possibly be that some people just weren't as suited to driving as others, but he just kept saying anyone could learn in time. I suppose it was in his best interests to keep me coming back for more lessons. In the end I passed my driving test (just!) after about 8 months of twice weekly lessons, and my only thought was "Oh good, I never have to drive again." In fact I have driven very occasionally since, but never felt confident and would very happily never drive again. If my instructor had been honest and said that I wasn't a natural for driving it would have saved me a lot of money and unhappiness.

I used to "drive" the bus... from the top front seat. you can talk yourself through it as the bus travels without actually looking likeyou are pretending to drive.

and change your instructor. ask around to find out who is good with nervous learners. Mine was brilliant.

It took me 100s of lessons and 7 a couple of tests to pass. Change instructors asap. Keep going, believe me if I can do it you can. Ive been drving 10 years now.

Well it may be that ultimately I'm not suited to driving and if so I'll have to accept that, but I think I'd like a second opinion first.

I've gone from upset to a little annoyed (I do think some of his remarks have been unacceptable), so my fighting spirit has come out now

I had hundreds of lessons and three different instructors (all male) over a few years whilst I was learning off and on.

I only made progress when I had a female instructor, who explained things better and managed to improve my self confidence.

Change your instructor! Id have given up if i didnt have the most patient understanding instructor and i didnt get the positioning within the road until lesson 6. Gears..dont make me laugh i stalled my way around my town (quiet roads) until lesson 3. However he was calm, patient and i passed first time (i could have taken it eariler but was nervous and wanted longer to practice) within 6 months of learning. Since then ive driven miles across the uk and europe and dont have any problems with positioning or gears! Im dyslexic so for me i think that was the hardest bit to learn. keep going!

Definitely change your instructor, you need someone who gives you confidence. Also on the subject of two hour lessons if, like me, there isn't a test centre in your town, then you may end up having to do two hour lessons as I had to drive to the nearest town with a test centre, have an hour driving around and then drive back home again as my test approached. It turned out to be really useful as I learnt driving on a dual carriageway as well as practising my manoeuvres every lesson.

I'm glad you're changing instructor. That's exactly what I did - I was a bad combination of extremely nervous and extremely un-coordinated. I nearly drove into a lamp post on my first few lessons - the look of despair on my instructor's face said it all. But he also had little patience for nervous drivers and told me he thought driving wasn't my forte. I can understand why he said it but I'd barely even started! Some people take much longer than others to "get" things but it doesn't mean you'll have to always drive an automatic. You sound like you're doing well so far to me.

Anyway, I changed. I chose my new one because she was patient and used to teaching nervous drivers. We both knew I wasn't the best driver in the world and that it wasn't something that came naturally to me but she never told me I'd have to drive an automatic car or that it wasn't my forte. I somehow miraculously passed my test on my second attempt - I honestly thought I was going to be one of these people who took about 10 goes. You just need to find someone who can instil confidence in you.

As it happens, I rarely drive now as I don't enjoy it but I like knowing that I was judged good enough to pass and that I can do it if I ever need to.

Glad you're changing instructor. My old one gets glowing reviews on Facebook but she'd scream at me and slam on the brakes at times when I realized through a new instructor were totally unnecessary to the extent that it took me a really long time to not hate driving.

She kept putting me forward for tests and at the last minute saying she wouldn't wreck her reputation by putting me forward. I passed 3 months after getting rid of her with a woman who didn't have her own set of breaks and never once had to raise her voice to me even though my driving hadn't changed!

Glad your changing instructor. Keep at it!

It took me about FIFTY lessons (£££...I could cry!), three different instructors and three attempts at the test to pass.

Hardest thing I have EVER done.

But SO worth it.

I was also in my thirties when I passed. Three years later I can't remember ever not driving.

Do it! And good luck!

Oh, Pandora, I could be you! No lamposts yet but I wouldn't rule it out!

Could I just ask as well: some of you have commented about starting off on car parks and industrial estates. Is that still the norm then? Because it didn't happen with me!

Lesson 1 was on a quiet straight road and was starting and stopping, which was fine (I didn't stall or kangaroo hop at all: I was quite pleased with myself!). He said it was a good first lesson.

Lesson 2 he took me to a housing estate and got me to drive round and round in a loop to practice steering. This was out of my comfort zone - there were speed humps and cars parked on both sides of the road so at times it was a tight squeeze and I was unsure and worried about what to do if a car came the other way. So this lesson did NOT go well; I hit the kerb a few times, got quite stressed, and he said at the end 'We've got a problem here'.

Lesson 3 he asked me what the issue was and I said I didn't feel confident or in control enough to be driving on roads yet (hoping he would take me to a car park or something), and his reply was well, that was what I was being taught to do, drive on roads. He took me to a quiet country road up on the moors. Initially I was quite scared, as the road was narrow in places, with sharp bends and a narrow bridge to deal with (at one point it went steep hill down, into corner, then into narrow bridge). I was actually quite pleased with how I drove, as I thought it was challenging. But I fudged my gears a few times and as a result stalled going uphill one time as I didn't get in to 3rd quick enough. THAT'S when he made the comment about automatics!

Lesson four, same location as 3 and went well, better with gears. No negative feedback, he said well done at the end.

Lesson five, he said he had concerns about my steering and THAT'S when he took me to an industrial estate to do figure of 8 and just going round and round a kind of parking area. This is the lesson where I went up on kerb again and he made the 'not for you' remark.

Sorry to waffle on, I'm just trying to establish whether he's been pushing me a bit too much too soon, as that's how I've felt, but I don't know what's 'normal' (I appreciate it depends to some extent on ability and the individual instructor and their methods).

Edit: I didn't go up the kerb in the parking area, this was when I was driving around the industrial estate.

Where are you based sunset ? I'm learning now and my instructor is very patient. Your current one sounds like a twat.

Honestly he does sound like a twat. I fudged the gears more times than I can bear to count, and much further on in the process than you are, and my instructor never said a discouraging word about it...just, "Don't panic, everyone struggles with gears, it'll come in its own time."
He was right too.