...to give up on driving after only 5 lessons?

[SunsetBeetch]

It's taken me ages to get around to learning to drive (I'm in my 30s!) because I've always felt scared of it and have felt that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

However, I am being made redundant at the end of the year, and the jobs market in my immediate area (i.e. where I can get to on the bus) is so poor, I finally resolved to start driving.

I have had five lessons so far, although not consecutively, because of holidays and illness on both sides, so three lessons > two weeks' break > one lesson > week break > one lesson.

I have been very nervous throughout, and really all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense' - yeah, well me too!

I don't think I'm completely awful - my clutch control has been fine from the start, but I struggle a little with co-ordination and my steering needs improvement. My lessons have been variable - sometimes I do things well, then I mess up.

After lesson three, my instructor said I may need to consider an automatic, due to poor coordination with gears, but lesson four went well, gears no problem, and he didn't mention it again.

Lesson 5 was not so great, I felt quite shakey and I don't think it was solely due to nerves as I have had an upset stomach and felt shakey today too so I think I've come down with something. Lesson 5 concentrated on steering and junctions and at one point I hit the kerb and my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'. This was quite early on and things did improve after this, although I panicked a bit when we happened upon a horse in a country lane, and again when I thought a motorbike was attempting to pass me when I was about to go around a car that was sticking out of a side land into a field. I was half expecting him to say I should quit at the end of the lesson, but he didn't and I've got another booked for next week.

My instructor is never unpleasant and doesn't shout, and I have been given some praise too, but he clearly gets exasperated with me too. I know I'm a bag of nerves and therefore it stands to reason that I'm going to be a bit slower than normal people at learning. And I was a bit offended at the automatic comment after only 3 lessons, as I thought he was expecting too much of me too soon and perhaps didn't have much experience of nervous drivers with no lessons behind them. But now I'm thinking he must know what he's talking about, it's his profession after all and perhaps I should just give up and not waste everyone's time and money. But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

Change instructor. I changed after failing my first test. The second instructor was so much better. I always felt like I was being told off if I did something wrong with the first one, the second would just laugh & make a joke out of it. My confidence really grew with him & I passed second time.

New instructor and have lessons more often - I did two a week so I didn't have a week to let the fear build up.

Omg you need a different intructor!

Seriously, I had zero coordination with gears after ten lessons never mind five, but my instructor was nothing but absolutely reassuring and encouraging. He promised it would click into place sooner or later, and what do you know...it did.

Been driving for a year now - best thing I ever did. Please don't give up - change to another instructor. Yours sounds rubbish.

Definitely change your instructor! A good one will get to know how you learn and work with you to help you improve your skills and confidence. He shouldn't be telling you to give up!

I learned to drive in my 30s.

Had to change instructor. Also changed to automatic. So much easier! So much less stress.

Don't give up

Nonsense about co-ordination. No one is less co-ordinated than me (I blame brain surgery but honestly I think I'm also just naturally clumsy). A few people said I should do automatic but I thought too restrictive and stuck to manual. Passed first time and have been driving for ever now with no issues. Did try to drive an automatic once and it was horrible!

YY to it being a gradual process. For me it all seemed totally impossible, and got better so gradually that I didn't notice any change until suddenly I realised I could do it. If that makes any sense.

Please update us when you've got a nice instructor and a nice pink licence!

I agree that it takes a few lessons for things to 'click'. I've had about ten now and can feel real improvement, but I hated it at first.

I too wasted £££s on two shit instructors btw.
The third one was fantastic. We had a rapport and a good laugh and we got the job done. He was very experienced having been an instructor for 25 years, so my nerves, lack of coordination and overall shiteness at driving didn't phase him at all. I remember suggesting to him myself that I might be better in an automatic and he told me not to be so daft.

You can do this.

Change instructor don't give up. I was relatively late to driving as I was 27 or 28 and it is more nerve wracking as an adult you don't have that feeling of a rite of passage you do as a teen learning.
I was 6 weeks from my test and my instructor changes his car it handled so differently to the other one and I was a mess and I had driven a few cars while learning. After a particularly bad lesson I told him I wouldn't be back and went straight into the house cancelled my test and called up the local bsm.
New instructor that week and he was great. He was chatty, sarcastic and a pain in the arse. I loved him. He said my driving was fine but my confidence was shite. But above all he was patient and I literally hugged him and the examiner when I passed.
My mum was in her 50's when she learned and she would tell you to change too. She did a couple of times and finally found someone she gelled with and passed with no minor errors.

Thank you so much everyone. You have made me feel so much better, honestly!

The instructor was a recommendation from a friend of a friend, who thought he was great. She did have about 5 or 6 lessons already under her belt before she started with him though, and she certainly doesn't lack confidence!

I've had a look, and have found a local instructor whose website says 'nervous drivers welcome', which sounds more encouraging, so I will contact them and see how I get on.

I passed my test at 39. A year ago. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

My instructor tells me I have to be more confident, too. He doesn't say it in a horrible way, but you do really have to have self-belief as a learner driver.

My mum learned when she was 40 and had 2 instructors.
She hated the first, and she kept moaning about the 2nd, but she helped mum pass her test - possibly the nagging

You really do need to get a different instructor. And make your lessons closer together. If you're older you might need 2 a week to get the hang of it, then space them later

Change your instructor. I had an awful one that got my back up and I got so flustered that I just couldn't understand what he was trying to teach.

I'm learning now. I'm 6 hours in and my instructor is a blast! We chat about general shite, he explains everything in a calm and practical way and his default answer if I mess up now is 'Chill. Start again, The fuckers can wait!'

I got manoeuvres down in 3 lessons, he pushed me just a little past my comfort zone everytime (duel carriageway at 70 by lesson 3!) and has absolutely no problem in me asking stupid questions.

Start asking around for recommendations.

Different instructors are a different fit for different people. There's no one set way of teaching driving. They all have their own methods. You just need to find someone whose method and manner are more in tune with you.

I passed at age 32, after 4 tests in an automatic.

If I can do it anyone can, trust me.

Like everyone else said, change instructor. Possibly change to automatic if another instructor thinks that is wise. Have lessons as close together as you can and private practice when you are a bit more advanced.

You can do this.

I was a very very very nervous learner and i also didn't learn until my 30s. I decided to learn in an automatic because i thought it would be easier and I made sure I told the instructor i was very nervous when I booked.

First lesson all went well. Did a little driving in a very quiet area and the instructor praised me for the things I did well and didn't push me to do things I wasn't ready for.

Second lesson was similar.

Third lesson I was confident enough to go a little bit further so we parked up in a no through road near a big green park with lots of trees and the instructor was explaining to me how to do a 3 point turn so I could start learning some maneouvres.

While we were parked, a camper van came bombing up this no through road (30 zone) doing at least 50, caught an overhanging tree and then slammed on the brakes. The tree then crashed down on the car I was sitting in, got diverted slightly by the driving school sign on the top of the car and crushed the back of the car.

Needless to say, I was bl**dy terrified and a rather stressed mess at this point and the following week when it was time for my lesson I refused to go. My husband 'persuaded' me otherwise (there may have been tears involved) and I went for the lesson.

Obviously I was rather nervous again at this point!

However, I managed to get over it, took my test two months later and passed first time.

I now have a fabulous skill that enables me to take my kids to places I'd never have been able to before and I the knowledge that even after some pretty bad omens I have managed to conquer one of my biggest fears, and I'm still proud of that. your instructor doesn't sound like a great person - find someone else and GOOD LUCK! :)

Change instructor.
The first time I spoke to mine I asked about prices, he told me cost didn't matter, that I should ask if he's any good.
I passed 4 months later (including Xmas) and I still recommend him now!!

Yes, more frequent lessons definitely a good idea. Current instructor can only fit me in once a week at the moment - another good reason to change I think!

It's great to hear all your experiences. My friends and family had all learned to drive by their early twenties at the latest, and I don't think any of them had The Fear.

Maybe your friends and family didn't but a lot of us did so it can't be that unusual
I'm pleased to say no trees fell on me when I was learning to drive (or subsequently)
Being able to drive is awesome and this will all be worth while. I get huge comfort from knowing that I can get anywhere I need to be at any time. It's a big security thing for me. You won't look back.

Could you do a double lesson rather than just the usual hour? (I assume it is an hour it has been a long time since I did my lessons)

I doubled up so I believe I did an hour lesson on a Wednesday after work then a 2 hour lesson on the Saturday. That way I wasn't going an entire week between lessons and the 2 hour one was great because you are doing it for longer so it comes easier.

It feels like you are paying more but you get the same number of lessons but 3 in a week rather than 1.

Having the right instructor matters. I had a great one. Supportive, encouraging and didn't mind if you messed up a turn or stalled the car.

I had The Fear too.

Can you do any practising between lessons with a friend or relative?

Oh my god, DachsandPup, you did so well to get over that!

Perhaps my instructor isn't that all that nice. I was talking about my Dad on my last lesson and that he had driven for a living and had always been around vehicles (family business) so I obviously didn't take after him and he said 'No, you don't unfortunately'. At the time I was thinking ok fair enough, but now I'm ever so slightly fuming!!

TheUnwillingNarcheska: My last lesson was 2 hours, the previous have just been one hour though. I suppose I haven't minded as I haven't been enjoying them!

Icimoi Maybe; my brother lives quite close to me and has offered, but I'd like a little more experience and confidence first. He bought a new car this year and I wouldn't like to crash it!

I'd change instructor. I had two - the first was fine but took some time out due to a bereavement, the second was a lovely kind man with a daughter my age who gave me such confidence in my ability- I stayed in touch with him for a while after I wish I had for longer.