Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

...to give up on driving after only 5 lessons?

124 replies

SunsetBeetch · 29/08/2015 21:22

It's taken me ages to get around to learning to drive (I'm in my 30s!) because I've always felt scared of it and have felt that I just wouldn't be able to do it.

However, I am being made redundant at the end of the year, and the jobs market in my immediate area (i.e. where I can get to on the bus) is so poor, I finally resolved to start driving.

I have had five lessons so far, although not consecutively, because of holidays and illness on both sides, so three lessons > two weeks' break > one lesson > week break > one lesson.

I have been very nervous throughout, and really all my instructor has said is things like 'I wish you would relax' and 'I wish you weren't so tense' - yeah, well me too!

I don't think I'm completely awful - my clutch control has been fine from the start, but I struggle a little with co-ordination and my steering needs improvement. My lessons have been variable - sometimes I do things well, then I mess up.

After lesson three, my instructor said I may need to consider an automatic, due to poor coordination with gears, but lesson four went well, gears no problem, and he didn't mention it again.

Lesson 5 was not so great, I felt quite shakey and I don't think it was solely due to nerves as I have had an upset stomach and felt shakey today too so I think I've come down with something. Lesson 5 concentrated on steering and junctions and at one point I hit the kerb and my instructor said 'I've got to be honest, I don't think this is for you'. This was quite early on and things did improve after this, although I panicked a bit when we happened upon a horse in a country lane, and again when I thought a motorbike was attempting to pass me when I was about to go around a car that was sticking out of a side land into a field. I was half expecting him to say I should quit at the end of the lesson, but he didn't and I've got another booked for next week.

My instructor is never unpleasant and doesn't shout, and I have been given some praise too, but he clearly gets exasperated with me too. I know I'm a bag of nerves and therefore it stands to reason that I'm going to be a bit slower than normal people at learning. And I was a bit offended at the automatic comment after only 3 lessons, as I thought he was expecting too much of me too soon and perhaps didn't have much experience of nervous drivers with no lessons behind them. But now I'm thinking he must know what he's talking about, it's his profession after all and perhaps I should just give up and not waste everyone's time and money. But I feel really disappointed in myself at the same time - I'm not usually slow at all in learning new things, and am reasonably intelligent but I feel like such an idiot when it comes to driving!

OP posts:

Capucine00 · 30/08/2015 18:06

Shop for instructors. This is one of the most important decisions you make, learning HOW to be a good driver and you need to take care with who you choose to instruct you.

Ask around, check out specialists in nervous learners, consider a female. But don't accept this.

PersonalClown · 30/08/2015 18:07

My instructor drove me to a quiet housing estate for my first lesson to see how I did with gears/position. He was going to drive me home until halfway through the lesson he said 'You can do it, you're more than capable.'

My instructor seems to get that I need to know what I'm looking for. For example he explained that I should be seeing the centre line of the road in the bottom corner of the windscreen. After that? Not an issue with positioning.

I think you need a little push when learning but maybe he is going just a little too far for your liking.

I really do think you'd be better with a more sympathetic instructor that understands your nerves/fears. And know when to change their teaching approach when it becomes obvious that you are not understanding it. Not everyone learns the same way so 1 style for teaching will not work for all.

glammanana · 30/08/2015 18:15

If your instructor has concerns after 5 lessons it is not your learning skills he should be questioning its his teaching skills,he has obviously done things the wrong way around he should have taken you to the industrial estate first to get you familiar with the essentials first is he a plank or what ??
I learnt to drive yrs ago and was nervous but never let him know it and gave as good as I got when he tried to dis me for things done wrong,so quick change of instructors got me passed at first attempt and after 15 lessons so you can do it.

turdfairynomore · 30/08/2015 18:17

A new instructor definitely! If you live in Co Down I can recommend one-he taught me to drive at 17. We got on so well that I ended up babysitting his kids for years, & within the past few years he's taught my DD and DS to drive. DS took to it easily. DD less so-but he was amazing with her. She is anxious around people but she adored him!

Capucine00 · 30/08/2015 18:20

One of my instructors came out to me during one lesson. He'd decided to leave his wife after meeting a man and falling in love and thought it appropriate to apprise me of his thought processes.

Fairly stunned by that.

VincentVonGogh · 30/08/2015 18:27

Another who wasted hundreds on a crap instructor. She told me she didn't think I'd ever "get it" and suggested automatic.

FOUR lessons with new instructor straight in for test. .passed first time.

Yabu :) don't give up driving is up there with the best things I ever did.

Floppityflop · 30/08/2015 18:30

I agree with the other posters that you need a nicer and better instructor. I was sceptical that i should try a female, but you can also consider that. My current instructor is female and much better but it could be coincidence - she is just calmer and more encouraging, explains how to find position so I don't park all wonky! I am on my third or fourth lesson. I think we can do this - after all, there are plenty of idiots out there who passed their tests! If anyone is up for a learning to drive buddy thread I'd be in too!

Original poster

SunsetBeetch · 30/08/2015 18:33

BrushtheHeat and BrushtheHeat: I'm in County Durham.

PersonalClown : Yours sounds great. Mine hasn't mentioned that positioning tip to me, I'll put that into practice - thanks!

Capucine00: Wow. That must have been an awkward lesson.

OP posts:

lilyb84 · 30/08/2015 18:40

Change your instructor. It took me three different ones to get the right one (also in my 30s) and I had lessons even a year into learning where I felt like giving up, but passed not much later than that! Think of the money you'd have wasted even after 5 lessons if you give up now. And good luck

Capucine00 · 30/08/2015 18:49

Sunset

At least I stopped worrying about him hitting on me which would have been more awks

PersonalClown · 30/08/2015 18:49

Maybe we should do a learning to drive support thread Floppity.
Just to ask silly (we think) questions or to offload etc.
I know I have a tendency to over think and over analyse how I'm doing.

PersonalClown · 30/08/2015 18:54

If you are anywhere near Hertfordshire, I'll recommend him. He's great. Told me to get my son in the car during lessons so I can get used to any distractions he may make.
Tells me what I should be seeing in my mirrors, position of steering wheel etc so I know how to do it.

Original poster

SunsetBeetch · 30/08/2015 19:01

I'm in too, Floppityflop and PersonalClown

OP posts:

BillyDaveysDaughter · 30/08/2015 19:27

I was a driving instructor for a while (sadly it bankrupted me , however...speaking as an ex instructor, you need a replacement!

Your tutor should be calm, patient and encouraging, be able to soothe and reassure you when it's all going tits up, and remind you that this is a complex skill to learn - it isn't easy. And he/she should preferably do all of that with a robust sense of humour.

In my short career, I taught maybe 50 people, and I recall 3 ladies who sorely tested my own will to live. Trust me, it was amazing that they could even get a mile down the road in one piece. I once memorably shouted "FUUUUUUCK" and leapt in the girls lap to grab the wheel when she blindly turned it the wrong way, nearly taking us over the edge of a roundabout.

She also nearly took us into someone's front garden once. Honestly, getting in a muddle and being a little tense is nothing! You'll be reet.

DarthVadersTailor · 30/08/2015 19:33

Hi OP.

Am taking lessons atm (2nd time around) and the best advice I can give you, based on your OP, is to never go with an instructor you aren't 100% comfortable with (and you don't seem this way with your current instructor) because you'll end up making silly mistakes as you're not relaxed. Not every instructor is good and not every instructor gets like yours, find someone who suits you and I reckon you'll end up driving better.

Best of luck!! Don't give up though OP because that work/geography situation isn't going to change, but your feelings on being behind the wheel can

hackmum · 30/08/2015 19:49

What a nightmare!

Years ago I was a very nervous learner. I had two lessons with the worst instructor ever. He kept getting angry with me every time I did something wrong. I was a nervous wreck at the end.

So I stopped for a while, and then found another instructor, who was much nicer, though occasionally cross. After that I moved to a new town, and then found yet another instructor, who was one of the calmest people I have ever met. Nothing fazed him. Admittedly it took me a lot of lessons and five goes to pass my test but I did it eventually! This was more than 20 years ago, by the way.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 30/08/2015 20:08

I learned at the same age as you - and was just as nervous to begin with... Get another instructor..!
I would never have passed if I'd had one who made comments like that to undermine my confidence - there were times when I came back from a lesson, sat on the stairs and cried because I couldn't see that I would ever manage to do pass my test - but I did and the lovely man who talked so calmly and patiently to me was the reason that I managed to pass first time
Over the years I've driven hundreds of thousands of miles (22 mile commute for over 20 years..!) and it's just second nature. You will be able to do it - good luck..!

Original poster

SunsetBeetch · 30/08/2015 20:08

Sadly not in Hertfordshire, PersonalClown.

If we have a learning to drive support thread though, you could maybe continue to pass on his words of wisdom?

OP posts:

PersonalClown · 30/08/2015 20:11

Sure. I've got a lesson tomorrow. I'll badger him for some pearls of wisdom!

TeenyfTroon · 30/08/2015 20:31

Driving instructors are just people so you're not going to get on with all of them. And no amount of training can make them sympathetic and kind when they're not. So definitely find another one!

I'm a primary teacher. Some children find it more difficult than others to learn to read - a good teacher will find a way to get through, not suggest they don't bother.

Finding one who advertises for nervous drivers must be a good idea. Good luck. You'll get there in the end.

EngTech · 30/08/2015 20:56

See if you can find a lady instructor

Keep persevering as you will find once you have your licence it will give you a lot more freedom in looking for jobs and life in general plus not relying on public transport

When I started driving, a man with a red flag had to walk in front !!!!! :)

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 30/08/2015 22:16

Learning to drive did not come easily to me
Real test of character as I had to persevere.
Never ever ever give up.

DanyStormborn · 30/08/2015 22:25

Try a new instructor. When I learnt to drive I would think this is going to be the lesson I drive perfectly no mistakes - then mistake 1,2,3 etc would ruin my good intentions and I would be so annoyed! Passed first time though. I had two driving instructors and the second one was so much better than the one I started with.

MotherOfFlagons · 31/08/2015 00:50

IMO, everyone can learn to drive and become a good driver. I think there is sometimes a bit of a tendency for people who've left learning to drive late to freak themselves out and convince themselves that they will never learn. You just need the right instructor and practice.

Even if you have a partner or family who can drive, or excellent public transport, for the sake of your own independence, it's worth being able to drive and having a licence.

Happfeet2911 · 31/08/2015 08:41

Don't even think about giving up, all you need is a more sympathetic instructor. I learnt at 17 and never had any fear but still had about 35 lessons, five is nothing, you are still nervous and he is obviously not helping. Stick with it, the feeling of independence is worth it!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5