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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shave DD head

110 replies

AtSea1979 · 29/08/2015 09:35

Ok maybe shave is a bit drastic but cut it all off.
She's 6, she has an odd, head shaking in bed, to get her to sleep habit.
Her hair is very thick and even at shoulder length (the shortest she can have it and still tie up) and it's completely matted in the mornings. I've tried everything. Plaiting it before bed etc etc but to no avail.
She has lovely hair when it's brushed through but every morning is a battle.
Surely in the 21st century, age of feminism, my DD shouldn't have to have these battles and can just have it cut off like a boy would. Apart from wanting 'Tangled' rapunzel hair or an Elsa plait she would probably want it cropped off too.
AIBU to take DD to hairdresser and get it all cut off?

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 29/08/2015 09:38

Have you tried a silk pillow case? Expensive but some people swear by them.

treaclesoda · 29/08/2015 09:38

But, if she is happy to have short hair, there is no reason not to get it cut.

DonkeyOaty · 29/08/2015 09:39

How about a french bob. Wouldn't need tying up.

Burnet · 29/08/2015 09:40

Chin length bob, luckily the cutest hair ever for little girls.

leccybill · 29/08/2015 09:41

I think, at 6, she'd stand out in a negative way in school with a shaved head.
My DD is 5 and has very thick, coarse hair but she''d be very upset if I suggested cutting it all off, it's just below shoulder length.
We use lots of Vosene de-tangler spray and a tangle teezer brush in the mornings - takes ten minutes to go from matted bed hair to two ponytails or something tidy-ish.

Emochild · 29/08/2015 09:41

Well if you want to wake up to it stuck up in every direction, needing to wash it every morning to control it and 4 weekly trims to keep it looking half decent -go ahead Grin

Plus the trauma that is growing out short hair when she's old enough to insist

I put up with the brushing personally

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 29/08/2015 09:42

Good old-fashioned hairnet?

Short and spikey could be more fun for her?

Or a decent conditioner/tangle tamer?

What would she like?

Maybe if you cut it, it would break the head-shake habit, then let it re-grow?

Smartiepants79 · 29/08/2015 09:42

Well, no, your not being unreasonable IF your DD wants it too.
There are many short styles for girls that can look lovely.
However, most girls her age are growing their hair and she would certainly look different to her friends. Would she mind? Does she have the personality that can shrug off any negativity?
If not I think you need to think about it very carefully and maybe come up with a new plan. Do you use de tangling spray? Try a different brush?

SavoyCabbage · 29/08/2015 09:44

I clicked on this thread by accident but my dd (11) does this too!

It's really strange as she knows she's doing it she says. When she goes on sleepovers or school camp she either consciously doesn't do it - or she tells her friends that she is going to 'rock'.

We always thought she would grow out of it when she was little but I don't think she will now.

It does have an effect on her hair. She does plait it. About two years ago my MIL sent us a 'sleep bonnet'(or sleep cap) from the US and this has helped with the matting such a lot.

The original one was nylon I think but now I make them myself from silk.

They look like shower caps. [http://www.amazon.co.uk/SLEEPING-KIDS-GIRLS-ASSORTED-COLOURS/dp/B00QX4UWZU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1440837753&sr=8-3&keywords=sleep+cap+child]]

SavoyCabbage · 29/08/2015 09:44

[http://www.amazon.co.uk/SLEEPING-KIDS-GIRLS-ASSORTED-COLOURS/dp/B00QX4UWZU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1440837753&sr=8-3&keywords=sleep+cap+child]]

MommysNotTalkingToday · 29/08/2015 09:44

I had short hair when I was little (1980's) and I loved it. Hairdressers can sometimes be reluctant to cut little girls' hair short, though.Look at pictures of girls with short hair and get her to take one with her to show exactly how she wants it.

Bogburglar99 · 29/08/2015 09:47

Bob? DD at 5 looked cute as hell with a chin length bob. Currently insisting on the long matted look, but I miss the bob days!

No More Knots strawberry milkshake spray highly recommended.

JustOneMinuteAtATime · 29/08/2015 09:49

My sister did this. We put her hair up in a high bun before bed. A fancy pillowcase helped and a detangle spray and brush.

RiverTam · 29/08/2015 09:49

Round here is far more common for girls to have short hair, ie a bob usually, not long enough to tie back. DD is one of only a handful, if that, in her year to have really long hair. Not sure I've seen any pixie crops but why not, if she's happy to?

HennaFlare · 29/08/2015 09:57

We cut DD2s hair for similar reasons. A super cute pixie crop. Which needed washing daily because it parted all over the place. It was NOT easier! She now has a chin length bob and says it's 'too long' but until she is responsible for it entirely it's as short as I will let her go. She's only 6 but I have never seen such thick hair. She can't tie it back, but can wear a clip on one side and has a really deep side parting. She looks so 'herself' like this that although she had gorgeous long hair I doubt she'll grow it again. It stands on end in the mornings, but because it's cut into a 'shape' it just needs running over with the tangle teaser and takes less than 1 minute. Her hair is straight though. DD1 has wavy/curly hair and the same haircut did not yield the same low maintenance result. She grew it out.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 02/09/2015 11:57

Thanks I did come back to the thread but every time I typed out a long reply it froz and I lost it.
In short, I've taken your advice and bought one of those caps off the Amazon link. I just hope she'll wear it!
I'm pondering the short bob but DD hair is very thick and wavy and would possibly require more maintenance than brushing through the matts and tying it up.
I will try the cap and see how that goes.

OP posts:
patterkiller · 02/09/2015 12:01

Dsis wore/wears silk knickers on her head. I'll have to ask her if she still does and what her DH thinks Smile

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 30/10/2015 23:38

So I tried the silk nightcap as recommended above and DD still has matted hair. She's booked in the hairdressers tomorrow at 9am. Please hold my hand, my DD gorgeous, thick, locks are about to go Haloween Sad

OP posts:
StompyFreckles · 31/10/2015 00:46

Is she curly? If so, look in to the curly girl method. I have two very curly girls whose hair I don't brush at all and use conditioner on it daily to keep the tangles away and the curls looking good.

AnthonyPandy · 31/10/2015 01:10

Even when it is cut tomorrow (well today) you can try adding a drop or two of baby oil to your hands, rubbing it over your hands, then dabbing/smoothing it all over her damp towel dried hair. It will hopefully make it easier to brush the tangles out. It works like a tangle spray but is more efficient I think.

nightsky010 · 31/10/2015 01:39

If you read this before you go, how about a bob which is chin length at the front and much shorter at the back?

nooka · 31/10/2015 01:41

My dd had a pretty much permanent birds nest at the back of her head for years before we cut her hair into a nice short bob when she was about seven. She's had it short ever since (currently she has a very cute pixie). Looking back I don't know why we ever grew her hair long, in every photo it's a tangled mess! It's not been any harder to look after short than long, but it does need a good hairdresser to get he cut right.

Italiangreyhound · 31/10/2015 01:48

AtSea1979 hi, I know it's late and you may have gone to bed but does your dd want to have her hair cut short or even very short/shaved?

If yes, no worries, if no, I would be very careful.

Either way she may not realise what very short hair or a shaven head may look like on her.

Please do not shave it or anywhere near shave, it has connotations of very negative things (e.g. having nits, being ill etc).

More to the point, if it too short she may stand out at school.

PLEASE try in stages, a bit shorter then a bit shorter etc etc so she and her class mates get a chance to get used to it.

This is nothing to do with roles in society or having to have long hair to look like Elsa, it is to do with her feeling comfortable with it and not standing out.

She may say she wants it and then regret it, it would be too late - although of course it does grow back! Grin

If you get a few inches taken off this week and she is happy you could have it shorter the next time.

My dd's hair is very unruly. She uses a tangle teaser tangle teaser and Avon spray for hair brushing Avon spray

She also washes it every few days with lots of conditioner.

I must admit I do agree with Jada Pinkett Smith www.refinery29.com/willow-smith-hair

wotoodoo · 31/10/2015 02:16

Spray on some mane and tail conditioner before bed and brush through :)
you may find her hair still matts even if it is shorter!