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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shave DD head

110 replies

AtSea1979 · 29/08/2015 09:35

Ok maybe shave is a bit drastic but cut it all off.
She's 6, she has an odd, head shaking in bed, to get her to sleep habit.
Her hair is very thick and even at shoulder length (the shortest she can have it and still tie up) and it's completely matted in the mornings. I've tried everything. Plaiting it before bed etc etc but to no avail.
She has lovely hair when it's brushed through but every morning is a battle.
Surely in the 21st century, age of feminism, my DD shouldn't have to have these battles and can just have it cut off like a boy would. Apart from wanting 'Tangled' rapunzel hair or an Elsa plait she would probably want it cropped off too.
AIBU to take DD to hairdresser and get it all cut off?

OP posts:
Mmmmcake123 · 31/10/2015 02:17

Sorry but instant thought/question is 'are you on some medication?' If this is the case and the reason why you can't allocate time to DDS hair in the morning then fair enough but I think you should consult DD and sell short haircut.

FantasticRik · 31/10/2015 03:15

I echo the other posters and ask you to reconsider the very short hair.
My DD also has unruly hair which would Matt underneath. When she was about 7 I persuaded her to let me cut it to her chin - she was reluctant but agreed. She was so upset afterwards and claimed she 'didn't feel like herself' anymore.

She's now 13 and still reminds me how awful it made her feel.

Please don't cut your DD's hair if she's not 100% - I understand it is a PITA to detangle a mane every morning but it won't be forever - she'll soon be doing it herself and may decide then to cut it, or it may be enough to break her habit.

FindoGask · 31/10/2015 07:15

Shaved seems a bit extreme - there are lots of lengths between shaved and shoulder length! My hair was shaved for about a year and it's taken me three months to grow it two inches - it would still be called "very short" by most people.

Both my children have bobs because they complain bitterly hair brushing and most other forms of hair maintenance. They look great, and can be pulled back from the face with an alice band or clips.

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 07:16

Dd has thick coarse hair. We had similar problems.

She wanted it cut short so we cut it shorter. It was a pain in the ass. She regret it straightway.

I have very short hair. Needs washing and doing everyday. When I wake up its sticking up all over the place and won't go down.

It's not easier.

Girls with short hair isn't unusual. Girls with almost shave hair is and I wouldn't do it unless you are prepared to spend a lot of time on it or she wanted it doing.

FindoGask · 31/10/2015 07:16

complain bitterly about hair brushing, that should read

CherryPicking · 31/10/2015 07:22

Lots of girls with lovely short hair round here op. The times they are a-changing

PrincessHairyMclary · 31/10/2015 07:23

My year 1 6year old DD choose to have her hair chopped off into a pixie cut in September.

It was amazing, so easy to care for (wet a hair brush and flatten) and she looked lovely.

She got a few comments from people at school and silly adults but she dealt with it. She loved not having knots for me to brush out.

Crankycunt · 31/10/2015 07:25

Only and only if your dd is on board. My own dm made me cut off all my hair when I was 7 and I've never really gotten over it. My hair is very thick and curly, a short pixie or bob just doesn't work with that kind of hair.

CherryPicking · 31/10/2015 07:26

Ah yes mme123, if a woman can't find time to brush and groom a yard of Rapunzel fair every bloody morning she 'must be on some kind of medication'. Does that standard apply to men, or do you simply accept they have more important things to do???!!!

Toffeelatteplease · 31/10/2015 07:30

Try a paddle brush. A proper Kent paddle brush. Nothing else compares, not a tangle teeser not a cheap version it has to be a kent paddle brush. Tk maxx often has a good deal on them.

I had thick matted hair growing up. At 12 I discovered these and it was no lie they changed my life. I could actually brush my hair.

Please be careful with short hair. Very few hairdresser can cut thick hair well.

Fabsolutely · 31/10/2015 07:44

If she's got thick, wavy hair, get it cut like Audrey Tautou - loveliest haircut in the world. Sweet and feminine and deliberately tousled/bit messy. Your dd will look adorable!

To shave DD head
LostInMess · 31/10/2015 08:03

I have exactly the same problem with my DD1, OP, she also does the rocking her head thing to get to sleep (while singing loudly!). Be interested to know how you get on - I'd like her to get it cut as, with 3 other DC aged 6 weeks - 5, I simply can't spend 15 mins in the morning on her hair - and that's with detangle spray and tangle teezer. I also don't particularly enjoy the fact that brushing her hair clearly hurts (or the abuse I get whilst doing it!). Trouble is they are all obsessed with having long hair at school (she's 8 - Y3) so I can't see a way round it. Really hope the cut works for you - DD2 has a lovely bob and it looks gorgeous.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/10/2015 08:17

My DD had easily matted hair and would chew it also. I used to go for bob plus tangle tamer hairbrush and lots of conditioner. I wouldn't go too short though. I'd start with bob and move to pixie cut only if bob doesn't work.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 08:33

Very mixed views!
I was thinking of a shaped bob but DD doesn't have sleek hair and no way would I consider straighteners or anything. I have booked a very experienced hair dresser so I hope he'll do something nice, though I am slightly scared.
I am going to be firm with him that it needs to be razored a the back and needs to be able to wash and go, that I'm not hair dresser so I don't want some fancy cut that requires lots of product and blow drying.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 08:38

DD doesn't really want it cut she wants to be like Elsa or Rapunzel. She also thinks it's appropriate to scream, shout abuse and run away when I tell her it's time to brush her hair so I told her if she continued to do that then we'd need to get it cut. She continued so I told her yesterday that we were going today. She's on board, in that she isn't screaming at the prospect, she has her reservations so and states "I do no want to look like a boy/DS"

OP posts:
ophiotaurus · 31/10/2015 08:43

It doesn't really sound like she wants it cut that short.
She is saying she likes Elsa/Rapunzel and doesn't want to look like a boy.

gamerchick · 31/10/2015 08:50

People are really weird about short hair on girls, it really isn't a big deal Hmm is that the old girly stereotype peeking through?

gamerchick · 31/10/2015 08:52

Good luck OP, hair grows and by the time it grows back she'll be able to take care of it herself in the mornings.

Crankycunt · 31/10/2015 08:53

Your dd does not want it cut short. Please do not cut it all off. Get a trim sure, and ask the hairdresser to show you and dd how to take care of it.

I find that I need to section it to brush it, first with a tangle tease then with a paddle brush, if I go at it trying to brush it all at once it hurts my head.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 31/10/2015 09:02

Hmm, I went through this with DD (9). We had it cut short at 5 as it was just a mess of baby curls. It looked amazing but she hated it short, said that other childrencalled her a boy (it was a beautiful inverted bob,very feminine cut, not boyish at al)l. It grew long, thick and fast to half way down her back and got very regularly matted. After threatening many times earlier this year I did get about 4" chopped off, aftera lot of protest she went to the hairdressers ok but sat there having it cut with silent tears running down her face, it was awful. However she really bucked up her ideas after that and brushes it far better herself now, when it needs a thorough detangle I do it while she gets to watch Minecraftvideos on Youtube, it's much better now. 4" was bad enough though, I am so glad we didn't go for the full chop.

Orangeanddemons · 31/10/2015 09:09

I find a tangle attack brush better than a tangle tamer. Also that sleep hat doesn't say what the fibre content is. If it's polyester ( which I suspect for that price) it will make hair natty up, as it's full of static. Real silk would calm it down.

What happens if you put it in 2 plaits?

ReallyTired · 31/10/2015 09:15

Please don't shave your daughter's head. My parents cut my hair really short at that age and it was awful. Little girls often want to be like their friends.

My daughter is the same age and her hair is a pig to brush. There are sprays you can get to help get tangles out.

mudandmayhem01 · 31/10/2015 09:16

My dd(11) hair looks like a rats nest during this half term as I slacked off on hair care whilst we are off school. I would love it she would have short hair. Basic self care is her responsibility but she often just brushes the top layer of hair wacks it a pony tail leaving horrible lugs which I have to help her comb out with pints of conditioner.

mudandmayhem01 · 31/10/2015 09:18

If you read the op properly I don't think she ever intended to shave her daughters head!

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 09:20

At the hairdressers now, she's getting washed by junior, not spoke to hair dresser yet.

OP posts: