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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shave DD head

110 replies

AtSea1979 · 29/08/2015 09:35

Ok maybe shave is a bit drastic but cut it all off.
She's 6, she has an odd, head shaking in bed, to get her to sleep habit.
Her hair is very thick and even at shoulder length (the shortest she can have it and still tie up) and it's completely matted in the mornings. I've tried everything. Plaiting it before bed etc etc but to no avail.
She has lovely hair when it's brushed through but every morning is a battle.
Surely in the 21st century, age of feminism, my DD shouldn't have to have these battles and can just have it cut off like a boy would. Apart from wanting 'Tangled' rapunzel hair or an Elsa plait she would probably want it cropped off too.
AIBU to take DD to hairdresser and get it all cut off?

OP posts:
HopefulHamster · 31/10/2015 10:23

Hope it has gone all right. Maybe search longer for a hairdresser next time to find one who can genuinely offer advice.

CurbsideProphet · 31/10/2015 10:33

I have thick hair and it was always a battle to get a brush through it when I was a child. Your DD's hair will grow longer in a few months. As it's shorter now she could get used to brushing it herself?

EponasWildDaughter · 31/10/2015 10:42

I hope she likes it.

She's got 12" less hair. Surely anything shorter will help a bit.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 11:15

DD likes it so I will stick with it for a bit. I don't like it as its now too short to tie up but is so long it's still in her face and no doubt will be a tangled mess of hair and spag bol by later!
Those who suggested a tangle teaser, we have one, they aren't much use for thick hair as DD gets impatient after 10 mins and only a few layers have been done.
DD has unusually thick hair, which is coarse with messy waves in it.
The hairdresser blow dried her hair sleek, it won't last, if it rains or on swimming day etc it will be a different matter and at this length it'll be in her face too.

OP posts:
motheroreily · 31/10/2015 11:22

I'm glad your daughter likes her hair.

Would clips/grips help keep hair off her face? I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest. I know short hair can be as much work as long hair though.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 11:23

I think I wanted something like this

To shave DD head
OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 11:25

But accepted it would look more like this on DD

To shave DD head
OP posts:
NoTeaForMe · 31/10/2015 11:30

So it sounds like you've made it all worse? Confused Why didn't you go long enough to still tie back?

Emochild · 31/10/2015 11:30

My 14 year old has that hair style -with thick, coarse hair that's a mixture of waves, curls and straight bits

It's an absolute pig to maintain but it's how she wanted it because it keeps matting at the back when it's long

moocowmrs · 31/10/2015 11:30

I am glad that your dd is happy and maybe it will work with a little support from you. Dd had a pixie cut due to ear problems, she hated every second, she now has long thick hair that gets matted and horrid sometimes but you know it's not that bad and she is happy.

Scarydinosaurs · 31/10/2015 11:41

I don't understand how plaiting it at night doesn't solve it?

I have very thick wavy hair that in the past I have put in three/four plaits at night to keep it out the way. How does the hair still tangle in the plait?

My mum cut my hair short 'like a boy' as she was sick of brushing it. The truth was she had fine hair and had no idea of how to care for thick curly hair. She would brush from the root instead of the ends and never used enough conditioner.

Condition, wash, condition. Brush the ends, then work your way up. Tangle teasers work in conjunction with other brushes.

I feel so sad just thinking about when my mum had my hair cut. I felt so lost.

Enjolrass · 31/10/2015 11:41

Bobs are really high maintenance.

Think it's going to be quite difficult.

The first photo you posted is how me hair is now. Takes quite a bit of product to keep it looking neat and is difficult on thick hair.

LadyintheRadiator · 31/10/2015 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 31/10/2015 12:18

my DD hair twiddles to get to sleep and it's always matted and knotted but de-tangle spray + a tangle teaser works in the morning - no problem (also very thick hair)

I am astonished the person cutting her hair didn't see her hair dry - sounds very odd

VenusRising · 31/10/2015 12:27

Have you had her seen by an cranial osteopath? There could be a medical reason for her to shake her head Like this when going asleep

The head shaking should be your first problem addressed, not her hair length.

Talking about adorable pixie cuts is just a red herring- she needs to be assessed by a osteopath, or physical therapist / physio.

Make an appointment with your GP, and get recommendations for osteopathic or physiotherapy treatment ASAP.

Get her a clean bill of health before you start flicking through hair magazines!

VenusRising · 31/10/2015 12:31

Sorry, don't know why that last post came out all bold.

I see you've just treated the symptoms op. Hope you still make an appointment with the GP. There could be a medical reason for your dd to shake her head to sleep.

It's important to have her seen by a doctor and get recommendations for further treatments.

Orangeanddemons · 31/10/2015 12:48

I shake my foot to go to sleep. I find it soothing although DH hates it. Not sure I need to see a doctor about it though Hmm

Italiangreyhound · 31/10/2015 13:09

AtSea1979 re DD likes it so I will stick with it for a bit.

Good I am so glad your dd likes it, I had read lots of comments on here, I tried to read all yours but could not get an idea if your dd actually wanted it cut or not.

Not wanting to look like a boy is a perfectly valid reason for a little girl not to want her hair cut. If all the boys in her class have short hair and all the girls have long(er) then that will influence how she feels now. Children should be able to make these decisions, just make her responsible for doing her own hair, they can do it at quite a young age, maybe not brilliantly but well enough!

I don't go along with set gender roles and have no problem with girls with short hair or boys with long hair BUT it should be what the child wants because the child is the one who will get comments at school etc. Expecting our children to challenge all stereotypes etc at school is totally not of unless they want to do that. This comment is not directed at you OP it is just a general observation. We may not like the fact a lot of little girls have long hair but it is a fact and it is up to little girls to change this if they wish to, IMHO.

azerty · 31/10/2015 13:10

Ah op getting a hard time. We were the same. Dss and dsd wanted big afros but couldn't be bothered to keep brushed and tidy and hated getting mats out so dss had his short and dsd in braids until old enough to look after it themselves. Has to be a compromise so the daily battle is less stressful. Both take charge of own hair now (though I still have to unblock plughole...) so both have it exactly as they want it.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 31/10/2015 13:11

DD does it because she likes to go to sleep with the dizzy feeling. I used to be terrified when she was younger that she'd give herself brain damage.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 31/10/2015 13:16

I think VenusRising has a point, worth checking, there might be more to it.

AtSea1979 re I don't like it as its now too short to tie up but is so long it's still in her face and no doubt will be a tangled mess of hair and spag bol by later!

I think a lot of other posters did mention this could happen.

Re Those who suggested a tangle teaser, we have one, they aren't much use for thick hair as DD gets impatient after 10 mins and only a few layers have been done.

My DD has very thick hair and it is hard, we sometimes start at the bottom and work our way up, by that I mean brush the lower 2 inches and then got up two more etc. This is because starting at the top the knots get matted in and very hard to removed. We sometimes use a spray to help de tangle and we wash with conditioner often (my son's hair fine and we don't use conditioner on him but dd and I could not wash without a separate conditioner, an all in one shampoo and conditioner does not work!)

It sounds like you were not happy with your hairdresser and their views, maybe find one you feel happier with next time. Some are better than others. Ours comes to our house and is lovely.

Just for the record I had mine cut short at about age 12 and was devastated, hair really is part of identity.

Scarydinosaurs I am sorry to hear your experience you are not lost, you are you! Please can I respectfully suggest seeing a counsellor because there may be other issues. I have seen a lot of counsellors over the years (anxiety etc - this was not related to hair). But counsellors did really help.

I think lots of posters are reflecting that back with their own experiences. I've 'threatened' to get dd's hair all cut off, drives me mad, I would never do it because it really is a part of her identity and her body and I'd rather it was a bit messy (read really quite messy - which makes me very uncomfortable) than she felt really uncomfortable with it.

Orangeanddemons · 31/10/2015 13:48

I wash hair, add conditioner, brush out snarled whilst conditioner is on, rinse, apply leave in condones and comb through again. Finally I add a bit of Aargon oil, and all of that seems to help with knotting.

My dd also has thick knotty hair, and I find tangle teaser and tangled tamer useless. However, as said earlier I discovered the Tangle Attack brush and that seems to be better.

DepecheNO · 31/10/2015 13:54

Have you thought about an undercut? I have VERY thick, straight hair. Recently had the lower back of my head shaved and kept the rest long. Retains its thickness and length, short bit completely hidden when worn down or in a low pony.

It has changed my life. I no longer dread washing/brushing/styling my hair and I look presentable for work. It was previously unmanageable and would dread in an hour from rubbing on my collar. Another upside is you can shave cute patterns into it at half term and hide them for school - also, it doesn't need as much maintenance as an all-over short cut because you can hide the regrowth if your hair is thick.

It's like the pic - none taken off the sides.

To shave DD head
DepecheNO · 31/10/2015 14:01

Ah, teach me to RTFT.

I second getting her used to brushing her own hair while it's short!

coolaschmoola · 31/10/2015 14:20

Good quality conditioner mixed with water in a spray bottle is FAR more effective than any detangling spray I've bought.