Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

argument with dh but am I in the wrong

112 replies

buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 10:40

Long story short, I'm away for the weekend - first time leaving ds3 at 7 weeks so probably a bit UR-had it booked with dh for months. Now his parents need him on Saturday so we i had to sort out some form of childcare. Mil rang last night to tell me she has childcare sorted she'll look after them. She is not able to look after 3 under 4 as she has been in poor health lately. So she took it upon herself to ring sil and get her to cancel plans to look after the dc's. I lost the plot probably quite UR with dh at this. BUT they do have form for sticking their noses in to my children (told me ds1 did not have asthma it's just a little cough, 2 asthma attacks later she still won't believe us).
My AIBU is would I BU to expect dh to tell his parents to keep their noses out, they are our children and if we need their help we'll ask for it

OP posts:
gymboywalton · 28/08/2015 10:43

why do his parents need him?

i am impressed that you are able to leave the baby at 7 weeks!

i think that if your husband is in charge, then you leave the arrangements to him and butt out. Don't get involved with his arrangements-just concentrate on what you are doing.

noiwontstoptalking · 28/08/2015 10:44

They probably feel guilty that they are messing up your weekend.

Just make whatever arrangements you are happy with and phone SIL and politely apologise on behalf of her mother saying you have something else sorted out.

BestZebbie · 28/08/2015 10:46

I think if your baby is only 7 weeks old you would be perfectly R if you wanted to ring your MIL and say that tough, she can't have DH that weekend as he is already booked up, and the baby is too young to be spending time away from a parent at this stage.

At 7 years old I'd say YABU, but not that small and when your DDH has known about it for months.

MaxPepsi · 28/08/2015 10:48

Is there an issue with your SIL looking after your kids?

On the face of it, yabu, massively.

I have 3 brothers. If one of my SIL's was away for the weekend and my parents needed one of the boys and they asked me to look after the kids to enable that I'd tell you to wind your neck in. None of your business if you are not there in the first place.

sliceofsoup · 28/08/2015 10:49

YABU.

MIL caused the childcare issue so she solved it.

I sense there is tension there, and they probably are unreasonable in many regards, but in this situation I really cannot see the problem.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 10:49

whats so urgent that they need him, why can't SIL do whatever it is?
Any chance they were trying to get you to stay home becasue they disapprove of you going away and leaving poor DH to cope with 4 kids including a newborn?

I would also not be leaving my child with anyone who did not believe in their asthma!

DH needs to just say no to them. No I cant do X for you, as the DCs are my responsibility this weekend. end of.

Osolea · 28/08/2015 10:51

I think if they need your DH to do something helpful for them and they know that it could cause a childcare problem, then it's nice of them to try and help solve that problem.

If your DH is happy to help and your SIL is capable of taking care of the dc while the baby's father is presumably not going to be far away, then the only problem is your irritation at your in laws. But as you aren't going to be there anyway, there's no need for it to be a big issue for you.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 10:52

this does not sound like an emergency, I'm sure OP would be fine with a last minute change of plans if it were genuinely something serious or that only DH could do.

why should a father of 3 young DCs be expected to drop his plans to pander to his parents' wishes? why are the needs of his wife and children less important?

noiwontstoptalking · 28/08/2015 10:54

Erm Max you really think it's not the OP's business who looks after her baby while she's not there?!

Shock
kslatts · 28/08/2015 11:02

YABU.

Your DH is due to be looking after the children this weekend. He now is helping his parents with something so they have arranged for childcare. I really don't see what the problem is.

clam · 28/08/2015 11:02

"None of your business if you are not there in the first place."

Shock None of a mother's business who looks after her 7 week old baby??????

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/08/2015 11:04

I think it was nice of your mil to rearrange childcare tbh

TheHouseOnTheLane · 28/08/2015 11:08

Unless you have missed out facts...like SIL is an evil child hater, YABU.

Charis1 · 28/08/2015 11:08

None of your business if you are not there in the first place.

Have you ever in your life met a mother or a baby?

Are you a human being?

Do you live on planet Earth?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 11:11

we simply can't tell though, can we, whetehr MIL was bieng 'nice' in finding SIL to do emergency childcare (whether OP deems SIL to be competent etc is another matter), or whether she is actually a controlling cowbag, who is demanding DHs attention, knowing full well he had something else on, and has also whinged or stomped her feet to get the SIL to change her plans too!

we need to know why the DH is needed, and whether MIL is usually resonable or controlling/needy/always right.

Fairenuff · 28/08/2015 11:12

What did his parents need him for when he was supposed to be caring for his children?

Charis1 · 28/08/2015 11:14

I don't get these responses at all..

The parents are the people who choose child care. Surely any parent chooses carefully, putting time and energy into researching the exact care their children are going to get, the priorities, the habits, the record, the environment, the qualifications etc of the carer.

No one takes it upon themselves to choose the child care for someone elses children, and certainly don't just dump them on some random woman because she happens to be related.

Every child neglecter / abuser/ murderer EVER has been related to someone.

The fact that we are talking about a 7 week old baby here is irrelevant. I wouldn't have anyone choose child care for a 7 year old, even, but there is a 7 week old baby involved, and that moves the whole proposition from the completely and utterly unreasonable, to the SOOOO unreasonable that there are no words for it.

sooperdooper · 28/08/2015 11:15

Yabu, Mil has caused the issue by needing your DH to do something, so she's helpfully solved it by sorting out childcare - is there a backstory with your SIL?

clam · 28/08/2015 11:16

You haven' said exactly what his parents "need him" for. Surely he just has to say he's not available, as you're not around.

clam · 28/08/2015 11:16

Or, as SIl is clearly available, why can't she do whatever it is that their parents have asked him to do?

RaspberryOverload · 28/08/2015 11:18

I would not be wanting someone who didn't believe my child had asthma looking after that child.

If she's so busy dismissing the asthma, then she won't know what to do in the event of an attack, when timely action can be essential.

sooperdooper · 28/08/2015 11:19

Every child neglecter / abuser/ murderer EVER has been related to someone.

Overreaction of the day award goes to....

APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/08/2015 11:20

the parents are the people who choose the childcare
Well, yes, but it sounds as though one of the parents (the dad) is ok with the re-arranged childcare and one of them (the OP) isn't. That's why people are responding differently Hmm

OP unless there is a massive backstory then on the face of this, I think YABU. It sounds as though your MIL is providing childcare because she is taking your DH away from your baby by needing his help. Then, she has asked SIL to help her as she appreciates it may be too much for her to watch the DCs on her own.

The more obvious question is why does your DH have to help them this weekend when you are away? Was he resistant to you going away and has he helped to create this situation knowing the childcare part would make you unhappy and hence more reluctant to go away again? If that's the case then YANBU.

Charis1 · 28/08/2015 11:21

*Every child neglecter / abuser/ murderer EVER has been related to someone.

Overreaction of the day award goes to....*

Not an over reaction, just pointing out that being someone's SIL is not in any way a qualification making you suitable to babysit.

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 11:26

I suspect a massive back story is on the way. Otherwise MIL saying "I'll look after them and I've asked their aunt to keep me company and give me a hand" sounds eminently reasonable.

Swipe left for the next trending thread