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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

argument with dh but am I in the wrong

112 replies

buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 10:40

Long story short, I'm away for the weekend - first time leaving ds3 at 7 weeks so probably a bit UR-had it booked with dh for months. Now his parents need him on Saturday so we i had to sort out some form of childcare. Mil rang last night to tell me she has childcare sorted she'll look after them. She is not able to look after 3 under 4 as she has been in poor health lately. So she took it upon herself to ring sil and get her to cancel plans to look after the dc's. I lost the plot probably quite UR with dh at this. BUT they do have form for sticking their noses in to my children (told me ds1 did not have asthma it's just a little cough, 2 asthma attacks later she still won't believe us).
My AIBU is would I BU to expect dh to tell his parents to keep their noses out, they are our children and if we need their help we'll ask for it

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 28/08/2015 11:26

We can't say who is unreasonable until we know more. On the face of it your DH was not available and should have said so.

Original poster
buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 11:28

Thanks for all the replies. Hoping this won't out me but dh has to go to the bog this weekend and it involves heavy lifting so they're looking for all men to go. It was supposed to be done last Saturday and during the week but they couldn't go. ILs knew I'd be away this weekend so I think the reason they have specifically asked him to go is so she can have ds3 for a while (I'm bf so she doesn't get to mind him usually). No back story with sil (we were going to contact her to mind the dcs until we found out) but huge back story with mil being controlling. Part of my issue is that ds3 doesn't know mil and vice versa. She won't know his cues and I feel like I'm being a bit stupid about that and so does dh if his eye rolling when I mentioned that was anything to go by

OP posts:
RaspberryOverload · 28/08/2015 11:29

Actually, what is so important that MIL wants the DH's help this particular weekend?

Unless it's an absolute emergency, surely it could be done another time?

RaspberryOverload · 28/08/2015 11:30

x-post

Charis1 · 28/08/2015 11:32

go to the bog???? what does that mean? afaik it means go to the toilet?

clam · 28/08/2015 11:33

"Go to the bog?"
What on earth does that mean?

Fairenuff · 28/08/2015 11:33

He should just tell them he can't go. I don't understand why they can suddenly call him in if he has had this time booked off for months.

clam · 28/08/2015 11:33

x post! Blush

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 11:34

Possibly cutting peat?

oP if you were going to ask sil anyway then sorry, you are being U. The children now have two people looking after them not one- which is a good thing, surely?

Original poster
buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 11:34

Sorry the Irish mn members will know what I mean, it's to get turf (trying to remember what the English version of it issorry hopefully someone else can enlighten you more - stuff to go in a fire anyway)

OP posts:
clam · 28/08/2015 11:35

"It was supposed to be done last Saturday and during the week but they couldn't go"
And your dh "can't go" this weekend either, so it will need to be re-arranged once more.

WorraLiberty · 28/08/2015 11:35

Why do all the men need to go?

If your DH was ill they'd have to manage, wouldn't they?

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 11:35

As I said, cutting peat.

UrethraFranklin1 · 28/08/2015 11:36

Go to the bog?

Go to the bog; the peat bog. And cut turf, for the winter fuel, presumably. It's not that confusing!

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 11:36

they will just have to cope with one less man then. DH is already booked up, his top priority is you and the DC, he needs to say no to his mother.

Original poster
buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 11:36

Sorry my aibu is with mil controlling the situation and once again making decisions for dh and my dc's in my absence, not with sil at all

OP posts:
Original poster
buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 11:37

PHANTOM that is whole different post I don't have time to get into this year

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/08/2015 11:37

Ah, ok, so can you take back control by asking SIL to babysit in your house (rather than in MILs) and having a chat with SIL so she's clear you consider her to be the main babysitter rather than MIL iyswim?

I don't think it's stupid to think about whether your 7-week-old DS will feel comfortable with his babysitter and whether or not they'll pick up on his cues. And I do think your Dh should have a been a bit more sensitive to your feelings since it's the first time you've left DS.

On the plus side, at least SIL will be there and you seem confident with her watching your DCs Flowers

PHANTOMnamechanger · 28/08/2015 11:37

if it was your DH who had the weekend away booked, would they STILL expect him to change his plans?

clam · 28/08/2015 11:38

"It's not that confusing!"
Well, clearly it was, as a couple of us had never heard the term, what with not ever having lived in Ireland or needed to cut turf. Hmm bloody rude

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 28/08/2015 11:39

YABU are you feeling a little bit wound up already about leaving your seven week old baby and not being there this weekend and this has just made you feel out of control even more maybe?

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2015 11:39

Sounds like perfectly normal behaviour to me. Grandma and auntie look after children while essential work needing brawn gets done. How rural communities have worked for generations before the "my little family-pull up the drawbridge" mentality started.

Osolea · 28/08/2015 11:43

Does your DH not want to help with the bog thing or something?

I'm struggling to see the problem.

Original poster
buildingafootieteam · 28/08/2015 11:44

Exasperated maybe? I don't know?! I'm feeling so stressed out about leaving ds3 anyway and now to know that it's not even dh who'll be minding him. After my DM (who spent the first 3 weeks of ds3 life with me as dh was away so knows him) sil would have been my second choice to mind.

Problem with letting mil into my house is that she's like a vampire, she'll think she has a right to come down at anytime and just let herself in until I I draw boundary lines again by getting cross

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/08/2015 11:47

she'll think she has a right to come down at anytime and just let herself in until I I draw boundary lines again by getting cross

Or ask for your key back?

How long is your DH going to be at the bog for anyway?