argument with dh but am I in the wrong

[buildingafootieteam]

Long story short, I'm away for the weekend - first time leaving ds3 at 7 weeks so probably a bit UR-had it booked with dh for months. Now his parents need him on Saturday so we i had to sort out some form of childcare. Mil rang last night to tell me she has childcare sorted she'll look after them. She is not able to look after 3 under 4 as she has been in poor health lately. So she took it upon herself to ring sil and get her to cancel plans to look after the dc's. I lost the plot probably quite UR with dh at this. BUT they do have form for sticking their noses in to my children (told me ds1 did not have asthma it's just a little cough, 2 asthma attacks later she still won't believe us).
My AIBU is would I BU to expect dh to tell his parents to keep their noses out, they are our children and if we need their help we'll ask for it

Sorry sounds like a dip feed which I totally didn't mean but I obviously worded the initial post wrong to get people confused.

Bert it's much less the minding and much more the fact that mil took it upon herself to tell dh she was minding the children and she had recruited sil in (who had to change plans) without knowing who or how dh (or even if dh was going to go) was going to manage childcare.

Worra she doesn't have a key, she has been know to climb the back gate

Oh and the bog is a full day activity

As is always the case on these threads ots DH where the problem lies. He is busy. He has plans. His wife is away and he is at home with his 7o and two older children.

Id have only gone away with mine that age if it was DH who was with them. I wouldnt leave them with anyone else. Therefore he cannot help.

Your DH meeds to be sorting this out.

But once she's climbed the back gate, she still has to let herself into your house?

So if it's a full day activity, that means your DH will be back with the baby by the evening.

Honestly, I think you should stop stressing and just go and have a great weekend. At least you'll be safe in the knowledge that your DC will be cared for by a loving family.

Right, ask DH if he's going to help with the bog. If so, then you cancel your weekend. He can cancel his mothers or his wife's plans, but you don't want anyone other than a parent looking after DC3 at 7 weeks old, and if he can't commit to one weekend just looking after the DCs, then he is effectively cancelling his weekend plans. Spell it out, he has to disappoint someone. You or his mum.

Problem with letting mil into my house is that she's like a vampire
Then let the DCs go to MIL's. Try to relax as SIL will be there and your DCs will be fine.
Next time you go away, have a back-up plan in place so both you and DH are agreed on who babysits. Normally I'd say if DH is in charge then he gets to choose but it sounds as if you both have a different position on who counts as an appropriate babysitter so you need to iron that out and find a solution that works for both of you.
for what it's worth with all the additional information I think YWNBU to have an argument with your DH

At 7 weeks old, you have every right to insist that only dh looks after your dss overnight!! Why doesn't he just tell his parents he has plans and they can't have him that weekend?!

Is it overnight though?

The turf/bog thing is just a day activity, so he'll presumably be back by the evening, just as if he's been to work that day.

"Why doesn't he just tell his parents he has plans and they can't have him that weekend?!"

Because that's not how rural life works.

It doesn't matter if that's not how rural life works, it only works that you prioritise your parents over your wife and child if you decide your parents are more important.

He's not available that weekend, he could be the weekend after. By making himself available he must understand it'll be ruining his DW's weekend away (either she won't go or she'll go and worry).

While it's commendable to help out your parents, when someone wants a favour of you, its ok to say "I can't do it on X date but can on Y or Z".

Jeez it's only 1 day out of the weekend

The baby will be with granny and and auntie for what....about 8 or 10 hours?

Presumably they'll be able to contact the DH if there's any problems.

Look, the OP was going to get her SIL to look after the children while her Dp cut peat anyway. She was perfectly happy with that. She's only upset because her mil made the arrangement before she did. Which is a bit silly, but she's got a tiny baby so can be excused.

Presumably the peat needs to be cut before it gets too wet so it can't wait.

"It doesn't matter if that's not how rural life works, it only works that you prioritise your parents over your wife and child if you decide your parents are more important."

It's not his parents who are more important- it's a seasonal task.

"None of your business if you are not there in the first place."

shock None of a mother's business who looks after her 7 week old baby??????

If she's that bothered about it, why is she going away for the weekend and leaving a 7 week old baby in the first place?

Actually OP I've just realised from yesterday's thread about this, that it's only going to take 6 hours.

I really do think you're worrying about nothing. Just go and enjoy your weekend.

All this will be a distant memory soon enough and the baby will have no memory of it at all.

Well, ideally your husband should have said "no can do" to his parents.

If that wasn't an option then MIL should have left you to sort out childcare as you said you would.

She probably thought she was helpful but you find it interferring.

It's not your husband's fault so YABU for shouting at him.

But if they ar always inteferring/not listening/respecting & he doesn't care or brushes it off as "the way they are" I can se why you might hav snapped.

Would it do any good to tell them to butt out as they don't listen?

I don't think you have a pronblem with your MiL. I think you have a problem with your DH, who should say "sorry mom, can't do this weekend, I've got the kids while building is away."

Why didn't he say that?

Ok pat yer selves all on the back for a bit of perspective. I know baby and older 2 will be fine. SIL and niece will also be there as main minders

Still pissed off about mil organising sil when it should be us organising childcare (ie dh) but that's the way it is can't go back and change it.

If you are so upset, would it be better to rearrange your weekend if possible?

I'm glad you've got some perspective now OP.

The sooner you let this go and relax (remembering it is only 6 hours or so), the sooner you can start to get excited about your weekend away

diddl it'll make little to no difference. One example of her interfering Ness. Every year mil rings for quotes for dh, BIL and sil2 car insurance. EVERY YEAR. I have been living with dh for 11 years. In 11 years he has always got his own quotes and insurance and politely told his mother he has insurance got and paid for when she presents him with quotes. Her response, you have cooling off period cancel and use xxxx company it's better than what you have. SIL (BIL wife) sat gobsmacked when mil handed her a piece of paper to write down her details so she could put her on BIL insurance. (She handed back the paper and told her not to ring for the insurance but she did anyway). It doesn't matter how many times we tell her not to do something she will do it (including trespassing on our property to paint fence/windowsills/pull MY flowers that she doesn't like and replant dirty horrible marigolds that I hate).

Phew rant over apologies

My weekend is one of my best friends hen weekend which I have paid about 140euro for so no rearranging. Went on the calendar when the text was sent out months ago

Oh plenty of that worra roll on the alcohol