To wonder what lengths you'd have gone to to be a parent?

[justwondering2015]

Would you have considered:

• going it alone (if you hadn't met someone)
• IVF
• adoption
• surrogacy

I realise for most people the above is hypothetical?

Thank you :)

subterfuge, I have no problem if it is a journalist and they state that, because then you have a choice whether to be part of their research or not.

Justwondering, sorry if people suspected you to be a journalist.

Good luck with your journey.

• going it alone (if you hadn't met someone)

Yes.

• IVF

Yes. Almost went down this route as it took five years to conceive DS but eventually fell pregnant naturally.

• adoption

I would have but my husband refused to consider it.

• surrogacy

No. I couldn't have watched someone else go through my pregnancy. It would have been too painful.

It was your posting style that sounded suspect OP

I would have adopted but none of the others.

Although I've just watched my friend breeze through Ivf so if I could guarantee her experience I might do that

If you are a journo you really should be honest about it.

Dc1 was an unplanned pregnancy, before that I had no desire for children so I wouldn't have considered any of your options. However I was young at the time. Who knows how my feelings would have changed over the years.

I would have tried 1 and 2, but not 3 or 4.

Everyone's situation to do with parenthood is different though OP. You need to examine your own situation carefully and go forward confident in your decision. There's no right or wrong.

I'm not a journalist. I explained why I posted.

Problem is, people are just reading the first few posts now so I'll ask MN to remove it.

Reading your OP more carefully - given your age my advice would be to perhaps look into getting your fertility checked out first. The result might help you come to a decision about what to do next.

Going it alone maybe but not with hindsight of how hard it is.
Ivf no
Adoption yes (hello ds)
Surrogacy no

OP you always get people who only read the first few posts

Let it stand. You'll get some good advice. Ignore the RTFT posters.

Going it alone? No, absolutely not. Seems selfish to me (note, to me) to purposely have a child that won't have another parent. Please note, that's just my honest feeling for me.
IVF? No, I don't think I would, but thankfully have not been in that position.
Adoption? Yes, very possibly, a much loved relly was adopted, makes no difference at all, if someone is your family then they're your family, that's it. I do wonder about all the intrusive stuff you have to go through, though. Not that I have anything to hide, I'm just a private person.
Surrogacy? No, especially not if it was someone I knew. Just....well no, not for me.

JustWondering don't wander off - I'm having intense internal adoption vs IVF decision-making at the moment and I'd like to see people's answers!

Can I ask what made you feel so bad at the adoption open evening? (Would really like to know!)

Tiggery having two parents doesn't guarantee a happy childhood. Conversely, I know people with one parent who had fabulous childhoods. Bandying words like 'selfish' about (even if only relation to yourself - so you claim) is a bit cruel.

Had fertility treatment but not ivf. Adopted a 2 year old.

Why did the adoption evening make yoi feel sad? It's no walk in the park but worst case scenarios are given at the beginning to make sure your committed.

Hi hazey!

I DID have IVF.
Wouldn't have chosen Adoption or surrogacy but then again I never intended to have IVF so who knows.

It's such a strange thing. When you realise you have fertility issues the IVF thing creeps up on you as a last ditch resort after trying several things and then finding that you're pushing 40 and it's now or never.

If you are worried about your fertility then you can ask your GP for different tests which will tell you if you are ovulating and if you have a low egg reserve.

Absolutely not meaning to be cruel, I agree with a lot of what you say, but I am being honest, that's how I feel deep down. And that's the main reason, along with other lesser reasons, I wouldn't go it alone.

Thank you :)

Well, how to explain it - I realised adoption was never going to be a walk in the park but it was very doom and gloom: you won't get a child under 5, this won't be your child, it's just that the poor birth parents won't be able to look after them, the child will be traumatised, you may need to spend years in therapy, it'll cost a fortune, it won't be enjoyable, forget anything close to normal family life.

I was put off!

So I wondered if I should look into a fertility clinic.

Being a single parent doesn't bother me. I was raised by a single parent; it was easier than when he was with someone. Definitely preferred the times I just had my dad to myself.

Going it alone: yes, I would have considered that, not until I was in my mid 30s though if I hadn't yet met someone

IVF: yes

Adoption: no, the process itself puts me off.

Surrogacy: no

Some believe it's selfish but I wanted to be pregnant with and give birth to my own baby, hence why surrogacy and adoption would not have been an option for me.

I feel very fortunate that I met my partner early 20s and we have 1 child and another on the way.

Many people change their minds as things happen. We did. You do what is right for you at a particular time.

JustWondering did they really say that about no children under 5? I just this morning started a thread on the adoption board enquiring about infant adoption. No child under 5 sounds

Okay Tiggery thanks for your honest answer.

I think I would have considered fostering & that could have led to adoption. No way on IVF (shudder in horror) or surrogacy.

That's what we were told, yes. That under 5s were rarer than hens teeth and we would have to wait for years a long time and with no guarantee of a child at the end of it. Could just be my area though.

No child under 5 isn't true. One of my then single friends adopted a 1 year old.