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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think we should make a bigger deal at Christmas?

302 replies

honeyandporridge · 27/08/2015 09:21

The threads already have me wondering.

DH often has to work so I think that's partly why it's just never been a thing. Don't decorate bar putting some cards up. DC1 gets one present. (Other DC was a baby last Christmas so didn't bother; might get her something this year.)

That's it.

I like Christmas but on the whole prefer Easter.

But other families seem to make such a fuss and I suppose I wondered if it was really very strange to have a low key day?

OP posts:
MaliceInWonderland78 · 27/08/2015 13:52

I never really enjoyed Christmas. Ours has developed over the years as the kids have got older. My wife always goes OTT (in my opinion) but the kids seem to enjoy it.

I'll be working away this year, but will come back on Christmas Eve (hopefully in time for the Christingle Service in the church next door). Each year, somone in our village hosts an 'impromptu' get together which is really nice.

For us, it's become less about the 'things' and more about the festivities.

When all is said and done, each family should do what they want. In your case OP I think I'd advise making a little more effort/fuss for the sake of your kids. The worse that will happen is that nobody is really that bothered, and everything reverts next year. I don't see that you have much to lose. Something tells me though that you'd be determined not to enjoy it anyway.

Sansoora · 27/08/2015 13:55

We don't do Christmas, it's not our religion and DH in particular feels very strongly that it's important that we celebrate our own festivals and acknowledge Christmas but don't participate fully in it.

We're a family of Muslims who live in a Muslim country and I happily take part in all the Muslim festivals even though Im not practicing and I wasn't born into Islam - but we also love Christmas and my husband gets all excited about it.

Original poster
honeyandporridge · 27/08/2015 13:58

I do enjoy Christmas. Very much. But in the same way I enjoy all holidays and seasons.

OP posts:
starlight2007 · 27/08/2015 14:00

To be honest the baby won't know any difference..but the 8 year old will..

Each family does what they want there is no right or wrong but my Ds has loved the magic of christmas. We used to have chinese reheated on Christmas day. I don't make turkey but do enjoy a roast dinner..We always have the same pudding which is not christmas related... WE play board games.... It can be what you want it to be.. however even the people who talk about not doing santa do beleive they create excitment.

They will be doing lots for christmas at school..I wonder what he makes of it and I have an 8 year old.. boy do they gossip.. My DS was telling me about the break up of his friends mum and her boyfriend.. I can tell you they talk about presents and what they did.

I am on my own with DS.. We make Christmas a very special time.

MaliceInWonderland78 · 27/08/2015 14:09

honey I meant (that I felt) you woulnd't enjoy a more 'conventional' Christmas.

As I say, I was never really into Christmas that much (my birthday is two days after I'm not much bothered about that either) but I have made more of an effort since having children. I've sort of fallen into this (jokey) scrooge/grinch role which seems to reallt delight the kids. Every family dynamic is different though.

I used to work for an investment bank (booo hiss!) and every year they'd throw the kids a Christmas Party (many/most of the kids coming from non-christian households). It was the Bank's way of saying: We've kept your parents away from you all year....have this on us! It was totally OTT (think circus acts/classes, 'real' elves, etc. etc. It was like a film set. It was everything that I'd have rallied against; however, the kids and adults loved it. My kids talk about it even now. I'm glad they had the experience and made the memories.

MaliceInWonderland78 · 27/08/2015 14:12

Excuse the typos. I'm not as illiterate as the above post suggests.

atticusclaw2 · 27/08/2015 14:14

Multivac this isn't really the point of the thread but surely many things we do with our children teaches them something. IMO its a good thing for them to know that just because they want something doesn't mean they can have it. They want things all the time. Every time we go to the supermarket there are toys on the shelves they would like. But if they grow up always being given immediately everything they want and ask for then IMO they are far more likely to carry that attitude into later life and end up running up credit card debts etc because they are not used to having to wait. I'm not saying its a complete lesson. I'm saying its good for them to know as part of a broader set of things I would like them to learn in the relatively few years they are with us.

Similarly they have to earn their pocket money, do jobs around the house and garden to help out including mucking in with the horrible things that nobody actually wants to do but have to be done because thats all part of life...

But this is my personal parenting approach and is really not the point of the thread.

multivac · 27/08/2015 14:27

IMO its a good thing for them to know that just because they want something doesn't mean they can have it

Yes, I don't think that's a particularly unusual approach to parenting.

But I still don't see how restricting gifts to two set days a year (and making sure you spend a couple of hundred quid on gifts for those two set days, including, presumably a good selection of things they have asked for) has anything at all to do with that. Either you buy the stuff or you don't; putting it in the loft for six months doesn't change that decision.

My kids don't get everything they want - partly because we couldn't afford it, but mostly because that's not the kind of consumers we are. They do, however, sometimes get gifts on random days of the year. I'm comfortable this isn't teaching them entitlement.

atticusclaw2 · 27/08/2015 14:33

This thread though is about no gifts at Christmas but gifts throughout the year instead when the child asks for them with the example used that if they want a bike in March they should have a bike in March and shouldn't have to wait.

I don't put the gifts away because I think certain days should be present days. I put them away because culturally those two days are present days and thats part of a tradition I choose to embrace and the OP doesn't. But because I embrace that tradition, I don't give toys as gifts willy nilly throughout the year.

The OP asked a question about whether she should do more at Christmas than her current scented candle, one present per child, no christmas meal and a few cards up. My answer is yes.

multivac · 27/08/2015 14:39

But because I embrace that tradition, I don't give toys as gifts willy nilly throughout the year

Nor do I; nor, I imagine, does the OP. But you said you don't give gifts at all outside those two days. Do you struggle with saying 'no'? Because it's actually not that hard, even without '...you'll have to wait until Christmas' at the end of it...

sliceofsoup · 27/08/2015 14:59

Its not difficult to preempt what they might want based on their age though. So if they will need a bike next summer, we would buy them that for xmas. Both mine have winter birthdays, so there's no opportunity to present them with a big ticket item in the summer, apart from for its own sake. This year we are buying DD1 a go-kart and DD2 a peddle ride on tractor for xmas.

They get things throughout the year and £250 each spent on them at xmas, so maybe I am the most foolish generous of all. Do I get the award? :o

They aren't spoilt either.

Lookingforwardtoholiday · 27/08/2015 15:00

Sansoora - we like Christmas from the outside as observers but feel quite strongly that we don't want to celebrate it in our home, on a personal level we don't feel comfortable having Christmas in our home. I don't think that's wrong, it's not belittling Christmas. Our children love our celebrations and we have many traditions relating to those but having a tree and santa in our house just doesn't feel right to us. We also live in a community where there are many many families who feel the same and therefore our view is not odd or freakish.

atticusclaw2 · 27/08/2015 15:00

You're clearly after an argument multivac. To argue that because I don't let my children have toys whenever they want them (rather than give them whatever they want whenever it is requested) means I struggle to say no, is, quite frankly, bizarre.

Anyway, as I said upthread, I found the OP's approach to Christmas interesting. I don't find a thread about my own personal willingness to buy my children toys throughout the year interesting in the slightest since that approach is not going to change and so I guess I can put off my work no longer. Back to the grindstone...

multivac · 27/08/2015 15:06

You were the one who tried to turn it into a morals/educational issue, though, atticus. You were the one who started talking about 'giving children what they want when they want it'. I'm just pointing out your strawman.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 15:07

but having a tree and santa in our house just doesn't feel right to us.

Looking- you do know that these things are nothing to do with religion though?

Branleuse · 27/08/2015 15:22

i think your xmas sounds fine. So many people feel pressured into creating some sort of fucking disney on ice type celebration. Its mostly bullshit.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 15:43

Branleuse, perhaps so, but many of us enjoy christmas and all the festivities. It's not bullshit here, its a celebration.

Sansoora · 27/08/2015 15:49

Sansoora - we like Christmas from the outside as observers but feel quite strongly that we don't want to celebrate it in our home, on a personal level we don't feel comfortable having Christmas in our home. I don't think that's wrong, it's not belittling Christmas. Our children love our celebrations and we have many traditions relating to those but having a tree and santa in our house just doesn't feel right to us. We also live in a community where there are many many families who feel the same and therefore our view is not odd or freakish.

I think you got the wrong end of the stick with my post. I wasn't belittling your customs and beliefs, I was laughing at the different way we do things and in particular my husband who's is the biggest of children on Christmas Day.

I thought you might find it amusing.

Branleuse · 27/08/2015 15:56

thats fine goblinhat, but most people arent going to be telling you that youre cruel for having a big xmas celebration, or that you need to put a different amount of effort into it.

Xmas is one of the loneliest, expensive, and stressful times of the year for so many people who think they have to live up to a difficult and unrealistic expectation.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 15:59

branleuse- christmas needn't be like that though.

It is easy to opt out of christmas, do something else, go abroad.

But don't humbug the celebrations of others- christmas isn't "bullshit" for everyone.

Branleuse · 27/08/2015 16:05

yeah but goblin, the OP does have a low key xmas, and several people suggested that was shit for her kids and she should do more. Its the point of the thread.

Now I have had years of anxiety, and xmas and the pressure of it has been a massive issue for me for ages, and finally last year i had the courage to do it with less fanfare and fuss and less added bullshit, and it was fine. I even managed to enjoy it once I stopped trying to make it magical

Branleuse · 27/08/2015 16:06

it isnt easy to opt out of xmas. Not when you have children and live in the UK. Really not easy at all. Have you tried it?

HelsBels3000 · 27/08/2015 16:22

Our Christmas is disgustingly over the top and crazy amounts of presents are bought. It took about 6 hours to open them (including my parents and DB as we do it all together) a lot of presents were saved for the next day, as the children just weren't appreciating them. Every year I say I mustn't go so mad next year - and then as time goes on, and I buy a few more and a few more presents and it gets silly. I fear my children are spoilt though - so will try really hard to rein it in this year. There must be a happy medium though - something between my example and OPs.
As an aside - DH and I have discussed why Christmas is such an opportunity for the DCs to be so spoilt - and it seems to boil down to the fact we both feel guilty for working as many hours as we do and seem to try to compensate for that lost time with the DCs - with many many presents. They aren't grateful at all.

Gingermakesmesick · 27/08/2015 16:30

Presents don't buy themselves Hels Wink

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 16:51

it isnt easy to opt out of xmas. Not when you have children and live in the UK. Really not easy at all. Have you tried it?

I wouldn't want to try.

Christmas can be a magical time for children, presents are just a small part of it.