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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think we should make a bigger deal at Christmas?

302 replies

honeyandporridge · 27/08/2015 09:21

The threads already have me wondering.

DH often has to work so I think that's partly why it's just never been a thing. Don't decorate bar putting some cards up. DC1 gets one present. (Other DC was a baby last Christmas so didn't bother; might get her something this year.)

That's it.

I like Christmas but on the whole prefer Easter.

But other families seem to make such a fuss and I suppose I wondered if it was really very strange to have a low key day?

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 27/08/2015 17:06

There's no obligation to do anything particular at Christmas, and I hate the perception that unless you spend a load of money and adhere to a rigid set of expectations (your own or someone else's) it won't be 'special' enough.

That said, it wouldn't take much to get some kind of tree and some stockings for the DCs with some little treats in. Even if it's just the ornamental fir that lives on the patio the rest of the year with some fairy lights and tinsel chucked on it, and some decorations made by the DCs. We had pillowcases instead of stockings when I was a child and it was no less exciting!

I enjoy Christmas and most of the associated fanfare but I completely appreciate that most of it isn't necessary. I'm often surprised that I enjoy Boxing Day or New Years Day more than Christmas Day because there aren't any ridiculous expectations about how much fun you're meant to be having.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 17:36

mackerel- no obligation, no.
But we are part of a society.
While it's fine for adults to ignore christmas completely and hole themselves up with a bottle of gin watching Star Trek movies, kids don't have quite the same perspective.
And no it's not about the money, little ones are more than happy with very cheap or second hand stuff. Older kids do need some money spent on them however, and we have been a family to allow large purchases only at christmas and birthdays.

None of is is strictly necessary- but life wouldn't be as much fun if we stuck to the necessary.

DisappointedOne · 27/08/2015 17:40

Xmas for us is literally a tree (real, no tinsel), a roast dinner sometime (never on 25th Dec - usually in Dec or January but was once in Nov) and a stocking full of bits for DD. that's it. No other presents, no Santa, no cards or traipsing around to people's houses. We do buy the Xmas radio times and then circle loads of telly and films to watch as a family we never do though, still have stuff from 3 xmases ago unwatched Blush.

It's lush. DDalmost5 isn't suffering due to not getting the entire contents of the Argos catalogue from some made up person.

We make a fuss of birthdays (DH is a few days after Xmas) but no other festivals.

DisappointedOne · 27/08/2015 17:51

This thread though is about no gifts at Christmas but gifts throughout the year instead when the child asks for them with the example used that if they want a bike in March they should have a bike in March and shouldn't have to wait.

DD has had her birthday present from my parents already (2.5 months before her birthday) as it's an outside toy that they wanted to get good use of. We bought her a brand new bike in May after she outgrew her smaller one - would have been silly and dangerous to wait for her birthday in October for that.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/08/2015 17:53

I haven't read the whole thread, but I do think a lot of people go way over the top for Christmas and far from building priceless memories this is the result:

  1. Parents get into debt that takes months, if not years to clear.
  2. Parents (especially the mother) get absolutely exhausted and stressed in the run up to Christmas and on the day itself trying to make things perfect and not living up to their ludicrously high expectations of what they should be able to create.
  3. Some children end up with so many presents that they don't even register they've received some of them. A lot of the stuff that is given as presents is tat that isn't worth the money and gets thrown out/re-gifted shortly after Christmas.
  4. When there's a mismatch between what each branch of the family expects Christmas to be like, and it isn't talked through openly, seething resentment results. After Christmas MN is stuffed with threads from women who are deeply hurt and upset that they put a lot of thought into present-buying, catering etc etc and it wasn't reciprocated. That's where the energy should go - into making it clear what is expected and if the other party/parties doesn't agree talk it through! Manage your expectations.
  5. The anti-climax after Christmas is massive in many cases. The other hugely common theme on MN after Christmas Day is people saying 'I'm so fed up with it all now, can I take the tree down? How soon will the kids go back to school?'

The OP's Christmas sounds fine to me. I would miss the tree and I happen to love the traditional Christmas lunch, but from the first few responses on this thread you'd think she's subjecting her children to abuse by not going for the traditional Christmas. She really, really isn't.

goblinhat · 27/08/2015 18:01

No she isn't subjecting her kids to "abuse", but christmas can be amazing fun for kids with an engaged adult.

  1. Many parents get into no debt for xmas-n me included.
  2. Part of the planning and build up is what can make christmas so much fun , even for adults. I love to think and plan, OH and I have already started thinking about hosting some festivities, planning food etc. It can be very enjoyable.
  3. I think very carefully about what gifts I give my kids. No tat.- well perhaps a whoopee cushion in the stocking. My children get presents they need or will really enjoy.
  4. We have a small family- gifts are very small, and we all love hosting, so never a problem.
  5. That's a personal issue- we continue celebrations right through the christmas week and into new year, with outings special meals, activities, visits to friends etc.
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/08/2015 18:12

Sounds like you've got it right, goblinhat, as I hope we did (our children are grown up now and haven't told me how disappointed they found their childhood Christmases, so fingers crossed!). However, some people really do feel pressured to spend a lot of money and put a huge amount of time and energy into their Christmas preparations and it doesn't always seem to work out the way they hope.

multivac · 28/08/2015 18:27

*it isnt easy to opt out of xmas. Not when you have children and live in the UK. Really not easy at all. Have you tried it?

I wouldn't want to try*

Well then why on earth do you feel able blithely to state how easy it is? It isn't.

multivac · 28/08/2015 18:34

but christmas can be amazing fun for kids with an engaged adult

So can going to the same folk festival for four days every year. Really amazing, magical, special fun. Doesn't every family do that? Why not? It doesn't take much effort and doesn't have to cost much at all. Poor kids who don't have that experience. Sadface.

goblinhat · 28/08/2015 18:51

So can going to the same folk festival for four days every year.

But only a very few families opt in to that one. It's not fair to opt out of christmas simply because of apathy, when your child is surrounded by peers and classmates all having festive fun.

It's like being the only kid in the class without an electronic device..

Branleuse · 28/08/2015 18:56

and there is the pressure.

Im not religious, never have been, so christmas to me is about a roast dinner and giving my children some presents. Whats magical about that?

I honestly dont get it

goblinhat · 28/08/2015 19:01

I honestly dont get it

You must appreciate that many do. Are you not curious as to why many people find christmas such a magical time?

A"roast dinner and giving presents"- it does sound very dull.

I feel privileged to have the opportunity to cast some christmas magic for my children.

goblinhat · 28/08/2015 19:02

I honestly dont get it

Try reading A Christmas Carol- or watch The Grinch.

Katedotness1963 · 28/08/2015 19:10

Do I think you should make a bigger deal at Christmas? In my opinion, yes. You can do more without it being overly commercialised. No tree seems a bit sad. No twinkly lights in the dark? I have to admit, no more real trees in my house! The bloody thing was bone dry and dropping it's needles a week before Christmas. We now have three artificial ones bought second hand!

One present for the kids seems mean. Maybe you have a large extended family that makes up for that? We do not. If we don't buy it there's no one else to.

No Christmas dinner? Christmas crackers with rubbish jokes and plastic tat? No Brussels sprouts!!!

Seriously though. Your Christmas should be what makes your family happy, just as mine should be makes mine happy. Last year my sons told me they hated my habit of de-christmasing on the 27th depressing (hey, I like to get everything back to normal and have a good clean for the new year). I let them have their way. They were happy and grateful so I guess that's what we're doing now.

Some people go overboard and brag some are the bah humbug type, but we should just let each other enjoy the time the way we want.

multivac · 28/08/2015 19:29

But only a very few families opt in to that one. It's not fair to opt out of christmas

Just because it's a minority stance, that doesn't make it unfair. That's daft.

when your child is surrounded by peers and classmates all having festive fun

I don't actually make them stand outside their friends' windows on December 25th...

goblinhat · 28/08/2015 19:34

Just because it's a minority stance, that doesn't make it unfair. That's daft.

See it through a child's eyes.

I don't actually make them stand outside their friends' windows on December 25th..

See it though a child's eyes.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/08/2015 19:44

It does sound rather joyless to me. Just because you have fun and special times all year round (a lot of us do Wink), doesn't mean you can't do the same at Christmas! I adore Christmas. Not the presents, the whole atmosphere. I find it really special.
Plenty of people work over Christmas but that doesn't stop them celebrating and creating traditions with their families.

goblinhat · 28/08/2015 19:50

Exactly.

You could adopt a joyless attitude towards lots of things in life. What's the point in anything. Why bother with birthdays, or cheering at a sporting event, or when a child gets a trophy in a trampolining competition, or passes an exam.
Why have a big wedding or a celebratory meal when you have been promoted at work, why have fireworks at New Year or cheer for a child in the 3 legged race.

Because we are a long time dead- if there is an opportunity to celebrate life then I want to grab it with both hands. And that includes christmas.

Katedotness1963 · 28/08/2015 19:52

For three years my husband was in Alaska at Christmas time while the kids and I were in the UK. We didn't cancel Christmas, we had two. We kept a couple of presents back, redecorated for a day (less though) and had another Christmas dinner when DH came home.

Sansoora · 28/08/2015 19:53

if there is an opportunity to celebrate life then I want to grab it with both hands.

Absolutely!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 28/08/2015 20:01

Because we are a long time dead- if there is an opportunity to celebrate life then I want to grab it with both hands. And that includes christmas

This.

multivac · 28/08/2015 20:13

See it though a child's eyes

Oh my word. That is profound.

I've been a parent for over a decade, and it has never occurred to me to consider the world as my children might perceive it.

Billions of people the world over manage without Christmas - you do realise that, don't you? In this country, children used to manage with a single gift (if they were lucky), some communal singing, and Church. It's pretty recently that the idea of "just" one present each became unthinkingably "mean".

if there is an opportunity to celebrate life then I want to grab it with both hands

I had an opportunity today. Didn't you?

multivac · 28/08/2015 20:14

I am now celebrating my invention of the word "unthinkingably"

DisappointedOne · 28/08/2015 20:15

It's not fair to opt out of christmas

Surely it's something you opt into, not out of?

DisappointedOne · 28/08/2015 20:15

I quite agree, multivac.

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