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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Sad for DS

64 replies

LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 07:40

DS is 17 and has typical male pattern baldness. Hair is receding at the temples and thinning on the crown. The hair also seems very brittle.
He is so self conscious about it. Mates bastards dont help by constantly pointing it out to him. He laughs it off but I know hes gutted.
It just breaks my heart to see him so down. Hes a handsome, talented boy but this is just breaking him.
I was reading up on propecia tablets and am persuading him to go to GP.
he just wants a hair transplant!!
WWYD?

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 27/08/2015 07:43

Has there been any early male pattern hair loss in your/his dad's family?

Yy to getting some medical advice.
There are some tests that can be done (check blood count, iron, protein) and there are some treatment options (only available privately) if there is not other cause for it than genes. Google 'Minoxidil' (Regaine).

He may wish to embrace the closely-shaved hard man look if no treatable cause is find.

'Mates' can be bastards indeed. Hope he's ok.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 07:49

Thanks pacific for replying. His dad and both grandads had/have the same thing and are now almost bald. Although theirs didn't start at such a young age. Interestingly DH brothers both have very thick heads of hair (like their mothers)
I just hate him being so down about it.
I buy him mens shampoo for thin hair and recently got some vitamin/mineral tablets for hair loss from Holland and Barrett.

OP posts:
Spartans · 27/08/2015 07:49

If it's bothering him that much he won't take much convincing to get medical advice. It may be treatable if he goes now. Tell him if he waits too long he may end up not being able to improve it.

It must be awful for you on and him. Yanbu to be upset.

bikeandrun · 27/08/2015 07:50

My handsome friend went bald at 17, has had a shaved head ever since, he looks lovely and doesn't look like a hard man, I agree go to the doctors but it very likely to have no medical cause.Hopefully he can develop the self confidence to be comfortable in his skin rather than go down an expensive and potentially fruitless path of treatments.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 07:54

bikeandrun self confidence is the big thing here. He has zero! He just cant see past his hair!
It doesn't help that al of his mates have thick shiny heads of hair. I think shaving it off at this stage is unthinkable to him

OP posts:
NotSoDesperateHousewife · 27/08/2015 07:54

DH started losing his hair at that age, as did DBIL. It must be really hard to deal with as a teenager, but in as little as 5 years he'll be far from alone. DH is now 31 and half way to baldness, a huge amount having been lost since we had children (ha ha) but I'm not sure anyone even notices any more.

DBIL has shaved his head for as long as I've known him because of it but nobody guesses/knows. It's an extreme way of dealing with it, but effective. DH couldn't care less so he just looks older leaves it Grin

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 27/08/2015 08:01

I'd agree with PP recommending a visit to GP. DH of a good friend had a similar problem in his early 20s. He has been using (I think) a prostate product and his hair does look much thicker. There are undoubtedly other products available too. It doesn't have to work forever, just till his friends hair catches up!

Also agree about male 'friendships'! I just don't get it. Their 'joking around' always sounds nasty to me but DH and the dads all seem to be laughing their heads off at each others expense!?!

VirtuosoRidiculoso · 27/08/2015 08:02

This was my husband as a teenager. He wore a hat for Years.
I really wasn't bothered.
He kno has a shaved head look and is handsome and perfectly fine.
Maybe focus on confidence without hair rather than cosmetic changes.

FriendofBill · 27/08/2015 08:03

It will be happening to these 'mates' soon enough.
Iirc it is linked to testosterone?

If he would do the close shave thing, you can get hair tattooed onto the head.

What really matters is not his mates, or women, but how he feels about it. Comparison is the theif of joy.

Look at other therapies? Hypnosis, counselling, anything but believe in their taunts. He is not his hair!

Helenluvsrob · 27/08/2015 08:04

Propecia isn't without side effects - sexual dysfunction and breast cancer being just two. It also works only when taking the medication - all changes reverse when stopping. I'm not sure that hair transplants even are up to much long term and at 17 there is a lot of time to think about!

He is 17 and it's his choice. If he was mine I'd be suggesting he looks at other methods of managing his hair loss and how it affects him rather than a " fix" for his hair- embracing the close shave ( and it only looks thuggish if you dress/behave thuggishly)- I have friends who are chefs aged 20s to 50s who do for practical reasons and look fine ( and it's not a prblem Michel Roux jr ).

Most of all he needs to deal with his mates and stop them being arses about it. It's a medical problem.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 08:07

DH (DS's dad) shaves his head but didnt start losing his until well into his 20's when he married me
DS 'doesnt want to look like Phil Mitchell' Hmm
Thing is you can talk him up and praise him till the cows come home but if hes not happy hes not happy Sad

OP posts:
2ndSopranosRule · 27/08/2015 08:14

Dh started to lose his hair at 16. Twenty years on he's pretty much completely bald and what he does have is grey. When we first got together he was persevering with hair 'styles' but at 24 he shaved it off and that was that.

Doesn't bother me at all (and Phil Spencer is one of my favourite men on TV!). Sometimes he says he wishes he had hair, but it's fine.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 08:21

You are all really kind to reply and so many stories of men being happy with Bald heads but the problem is DS is not happy about going bald and no amount of talking will change that right now. DH embraces his baldness but DS doesn't want to be bald!! Obviously his age is a huge factor in all this.
I am going to make a GP appointment and go from there.

OP posts:
sneepy · 27/08/2015 08:37

Interestingly I believe mpb is inherited from the mothers family, so your brothers/uncles will be a better indicators for his future than your DH. One of my brothers started losing his hair in his teens but it stopped--it all went on the temples and thinned over the top but has held steady since he was about 22. He's 35 now and still has plenty of hair and a short hair cut. Hope your DS can find the confidence to carry it off, sounds like he needs some decent friends.

EmzDisco · 27/08/2015 08:38

It sounds like this is not quite the advice you are looking for at the mo, but just to share in case it gives you or your DS hope/inspiration.

I've had the pleasure of meeting this guy a couple of times and heard him so talks, he lost his hair as a teenager and worked out how to turn it into a positive (and indeed career!)

www.philsays.com

NotSoDesperateHousewife · 27/08/2015 08:47

Unfortunately, and I mean this gently, there's honestly not a huge amount that you or DS can do. It's terribly sad that he's unhappy :( I agree with PPs to take him to the GP but there's no miracle cure so don't give him false hope. It will get better with time.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 08:54

sneepy its not just friends. Workmates (grown men) will say to him "how old are you mate? Your losing your hair already!"
As if he needs reminding Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 08:56

emz thats cool. What a great guy!

OP posts:
NoStannisNo · 27/08/2015 09:08

sneepy its not just friends. Workmates (grown men) will say to him "how old are you mate? Your losing your hair already!"
As if he needs reminding hmm

It's not quite the same, as.you can just colour it easily, but I started.going grey at a similar age. On the few occasions where I wasnt.meticulous with the dye, people would notice and shriek 'oh my God, youre going grey!' And I was like 'REALLY? NO FUCKING SHIT - as if I don't spend most of my time thinking about this!'

I don't really know what to suggest as I just don't think there is much you can feasibly do that's not really expensive or.would look worse than the baldness. My friend's dh started.going bald at the same age, and when he was about 19 just kept it v. Short and it looked much better and no one ever.really thought about it.after that.

MrsTedCrilly · 27/08/2015 09:34

Poor lad Sad especially as the styles now are mostly long and thick on young men. I can understand he just doesn't want to consider shaving it off. I hope the doctor can suggest something!

Reubs15 · 27/08/2015 09:44

He just needs to get the confidence to own it. My brother in law started losing his at 16. He decided to shave his off and he doesn't look like a thug or anything, hes handsome!

Stubbed · 27/08/2015 10:34

My dad was bald by 19 and as this is inherited through the mother I can see my son in the same situation. I can see the distress it causes but having been in a similar situation myself I know only time and confidence will help. It's just another challenge of being a teenager I think.

Original poster
LavenderRain · 27/08/2015 13:04

Thanks all for your replies Thanks sometimes your kids break your heart don't they?! You just wish you could wave a magic wand!

On the up side, he has to shave often or else he has a thick blonde beard Hmm Grin

OP posts:
softhedgehog · 27/08/2015 13:13

I was reading up on propecia tablets and am persuading him to go to GP.

I'm a GP - if it's typical male pattern baldness there is absolutely nothing I can do for it. All the treatments are only available privately. If you pushed me I'd check his iron level, but it would only be if you were insistent on a blood test - low iron doesn't really cause male pattern baldness, it causes generalised hair thinning. Be wary of booking a GP appointment if it's going to get his hopes up.

softhedgehog · 27/08/2015 13:13

PS of course if it is making him so unhappy that he is clinically depressed that's different.....