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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send a bill for the gas/elec/water/etc in return?

570 replies

Tinklewinkle · 26/08/2015 10:25

We live in a popular holiday area and had some friends staying with us for a couple of weeks. They went home on Sunday.

They've always been really good friends, and we've always got on really well, their kids are the same age as ours and get on well too. We've been on holiday with them before and it was fine, although this is the first time they've stayed with us for more than a weekend

Anyway, one evening they'd been out and they rang to see if we needed anything from the shop on their way home. I asked them to grab some milk and a loaf of bread.

When they came in I was given the receipt - for about £2.50. I didn't have any cash in the house so apologised and said I'd sort it out the next day. Then, I'll be honest, completely forgot about it. Nothing more was said until they left on Sunday when they reminded them I owed them the £2.50. I had about 70p in cash in the house so apologised and gave them that.

I got a text this morning to remind me that I still owe the remainder and giving their bank details so I could do a bank transfer.

I've transferred the money as I can't be arsed hearing any more about it, but I think they've got a thunderingly massive bloody cheek.

They've pretty much got a free holiday out of us. They've stayed in our house for free, used water, gas, electricity. They ate breakfast here every morning, we fed them about 50% of evening meals, they used the washing machine and tumble drier, they've had tea, coffee, cold drinks, snacks, etc, etc, so I'm somewhat miffed that they've quibbled about £2.50 and feel like sending them a bill for 2 weeks worth of B&B.

We didn't actually invite them, they wanted to come here and asked if they could stay with us. We nearly always have people staying in the summer holidays, we don't mind in the slightest, we enjoy having guests and are happy to look after them, but I now feel like a mug

OP posts:
SuffolkNWhat · 26/08/2015 21:26

Blatant place marking!

Icimoi · 26/08/2015 21:31

It's not quite correct to suggest that they won't reply because there's nothing they can say. What they can say is: "O.M.G. We've been real arseholes. Please forgive us. Here's a voucher for a luxury break. So sorry."

ALemonyPea · 26/08/2015 21:34

She will probably text you in a few weeks as if nothing happened with something like 'haven't heard from you since we left, hope urge all ok. Will it be ok for us to visit next year for a week or two as we had such a great time'

ALemonyPea · 26/08/2015 21:34

Urge=you're

FuzzyOwl · 26/08/2015 21:40

I really hope they are Mumsnetters and start their own tread so we can all comment and tell them exactly what we think!!

prettybird · 26/08/2015 21:51

Looking at the texts I send ds - who I know has an Android phone in contrast to my iPhone, it doesn't show if he's read the message. Also the message is in Green as opposed to the blue of iMessages/texts.

Shameless place marking Wink

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 21:54

I wonder if in their head there are two different pots of money.

Them visiting you. They pay for their travel there. You put them up at a small utilities cost and some food and drink that matches travel costs.

I find it a bit of a mine field between me visiting friends and them visiting me,especially when we were younger and skinter. I think if they've paid for the train ticket and me putting them up costs nothing I should treat them and they think vice versa. And back when I was poorer the train ticket would be a big chunk of money for me and maybe needed to be a bit careful that remaining funds didn't run out.

Then them buying you your groceries is a different pot unrelated to the visit in their eyes. They obviously have some notion in their heads as to why they are reasonable.

Of course as these groceries would have been used by them too and not writing off the alleged debt of 1.80 is still ridiculous.

notquitehuman · 26/08/2015 21:57

I'm hoping to see a thread too!

Dear Mumsnet, I very kindly agreed to stay with an old friend and grace them with my company. We don't get much time off, so this was a massive deal for us! During the trip my DH and I agreed ever so kindly to get some milk and bread at the sum of £2.50. Might not sound much to you, but we are oh so very poor. The meanie host agreed verbally to pay us back, yet only had 70p on her. WTF! Who asks for groceries they can't afford??? Anyway, after leaving her house we sent a friendly reminder that she needed to pay us via bank transfer, and she did, but also sent us a very abusive and mean text! I'm gobsmacked! AIBU to think that the charming company of me and my DCs was a gift enough? I mean I didn't even charge her interest on the £1.80...

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/08/2015 22:45

OP, you keep coming back to the gifts you don't expect from guests, and we believe you: not a one of us thinks you're being grabby.

Thing is, it's not usually an issue. With nice, normal, non-freeloading people it's not an issue.

HTH

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/08/2015 22:46

Oh, and hope your bath was laahver-ly. Smile

SwedeDreams · 26/08/2015 22:53

Shock and yet also Grin I do think you were right to text them. How awful.

AyeAmarok · 26/08/2015 22:53

I absolutely cannot imagine that someone could think "OP still owes me £1.80" and yet not immediately think "I would be the cheekiest fucknut ever to say this, given I've been living there for free for two weeks".

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 26/08/2015 23:06

I really meant non-freeloading guests and that this hasn't been an issue for you so far because most people you know are decent and courteous.

I'll shut up now. Blush

wafflyversatile · 26/08/2015 23:08

If they don't reply I think you should revisit the suggestion that you bill them for all the things you provided for them.

FuzzyOwl · 26/08/2015 23:10

notquitehumam Grin

FyreFly · 26/08/2015 23:14

Savings on accomodation: £2000.
Savings on breakfast: £300
Savings on drinks and snacks: £100.
Being tighter than a gnat's arse and demanding £2.50: Priceless.

Grin

I know OP has already text, but I would be so tempted to send something like that. These people have more front than Brighton - where the actual fuck do they get off!! OP if you would like someone to use as a convenient excuse for not being able to host next year I would like to volunteer my services Grin and not only will I arrive laden with various alcoholic hampers and cake I will also buy you as many takeaways as you'd like.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/08/2015 23:23

Tightness is the most unappealing quality in a friend.

MrsSchadenfreude · 26/08/2015 23:37

We had friends like this when we lived in Paris (someone on here very cleverly christened them the "Paris-ites"). They used to say "We're going to come and see you this weekend" and then turn up. On one occasion, I said no, as we already had a houseful, and got screamed at because they had already bought their flights. They never bought us a meal out or drinks or contributed so much as a bottle of wine. They came and joined us on holiday one year too. Didn't contribute to anything food or drink wise. Said they would buy dinner on the last night, we went out to restaurant, the bill came, and they just left it sitting there, then went to the loo. Told DH not to pay it, so it was still sitting there when they came back. There was more awkward silence and then they finally paid, but not before "thinking" out loud that their credit cards probably wouldn't work in France.

We came back to UK and haven't seen hide nor hair of them since then. Oh, they did call up and ask if we were going to our usual holiday venue, and if they could join us, but sadly we weren't. We called them the other week, as they live en route back from where we were on holiday and asked if we could call in, or better still, spend the night there to break the journey. Predictably neither was convenient - they were having a huge kitchen extension, to go with the two extra bedrooms they had put in last year.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/08/2015 23:54

Still no answer?

It's bed time now...

Regularhiding · 27/08/2015 00:10

Are these the cheeky feckers that are trying to crowdfund their round the world trip??

frankie001 · 27/08/2015 00:16

Preemptive : latherly surely?

Iwasbornin1993 · 27/08/2015 00:16

Can't believe they still haven't responded Shock

Oblongmirror1 · 27/08/2015 01:03

Best 2 hrs read of my life!

Fatmomma99 · 27/08/2015 01:21

Great thread!

I assumed she got the text and was waiting for her DP to get home so they could discuss and compose an answer. How wrong I was!

Been thinking about this thread all day... My DH has a very good friend who lives far, far away and distanced from his DC (who he adores). He comes back to Europe quite often (he's an academic and is invited to give papers, etc) and when he's in Europe, he stays with us, often for long periods (up to 2 months). He ALWAYS arrives empty-handed, because he's got weight-limits on his luggage. He ALWAYS cooks for us, and he takes us out too. And he does household chores (sooo badly... he washes up with cold water and not washing-up liquid! i wish he wouldn't offer - we have to go in and re-do it all!). He is always welcome because we both love him (he is lovely!) and he always pays his way in one way or another. He has come here being funded by his university and proposing to 'pay' us with university money, which we've never accepted.

what your visitors have done is beyond the piss!

Mmbop · 27/08/2015 01:29

Tightness is the most unappealing quality in a friend.
totally agree. I have to take a couple of days away from my best friend if 10+ years so it doesn't grate on me sometimes. It's not that you want them to spend money they don't have or even spend money on you, it's just uncomfortable. Just be upfront fgs.