AIBU to want to see my friend alone

[Thoughtfulduck]

Hi,
I have a friend that I have known since I was in primary school. I love her to bits, and would definitely count her as my 'best' friend.

The only problem is that she invites her husband to everything! I'm not wanting to never see him, I get along with him okay and we invite them out as a couple frequently. The problem is when I invite her to something as an individual, eg. A girly lunch, she will accept my invitation and then arrive with her husband in tow!

I feel awkward about saying anything as I don't want him feeling that I don't like him, I just really miss time with my friend as an individual. He can be quite controversial and dominant in conversation, so I find it more taxing to spend time with him.

Just today I invited her out for lunch...to be answered with "yes we would love to! But we will have to sit outside so we can bring the dogs"

I genuinely don't know whether regular married couples come as a pair permanently or am I being unreasonable to want to see only her occasionally? As not to drip feed, my dh works unsociable hours so we hardly ever come as a couple, whereas they both work from home.

Don't do hints, just tell her you'd prefer to see her without her mum and could she please leave her mum at home as you don't drag your parents everywhere with you and it alters the dynamics as her mum isn't your friend she is.

I think it's best to be direct in these kinds of situations. Why debase yourself?

Needsasockamnesty Yep. Me too. I would suspect a control freak at the very least ... why else would he WANT to attend every girl lunch with someone who isn't his best mate? To my mind it's massively odd - even quite religious/old fashioned friends who don't do nights out without their husband often see me alone in the daytime.

Do you have other friends together that she does this to or is it just you? You will have to be direct sadly if you want to continue with the friendship. You could also arrange a night in with other friends and invite her and when her husband turns up just act like it's a girly (sorry sorry sorry) night and talk about everything and make him uncomfortable. Difficult situation to be in.

I dont think you're being unreasonable and i think its strange she doesnt want time alone with one of her oldest friends. You said he was dominant in conversation. Maybe hes dominant with her too? And doesnt give her freedom

I have a friend who brings her 2 teenage dc everywhere.

They don't enjoy it either and sit and moan if we meet up for a coffee.

I suggested they would be ok to stAy at home without her once and she looked at me like I was bonkers.

I would just stop meeting these people, I wouldn't be able for that.

I'd go nuts! It does sound like an abusive relationship. I agree that you should try and talk to her on the phone and ask if she's ok.

You are not unreasonable.

I had this problem with my Mum of all people. She met her partner when I was 28 and no longer living at home. It was beyond aggravating to not being able to see her on her own any more as I was used to talking about every detail of my life with her and did not want to do that in front of a stranger who somehow thought he had a right to an opinion. My Mum also was of the persuasion that any man talking was more entitled to an opinion than anyone else...

I finally told her bluntly that I wanted to see her on her own and that helped so I would suggest you do the same. If it is a friendship worth maintaining she will understand.

My Mum lost a good friend over this though. I guess she never spoke up and in the end just stopped getting in touch with my Mum.

It's a shame but she's made herself very clear. Honestly, in your position I would focus on other friends (and tell her why if she asks).