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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be UPSET with one of my best friends re gift

88 replies

Stars1 · 25/08/2015 21:39

Background: Been good friends (lets call her Alex) since Uni so approx 12 years, every birthday we have always (both of us) exchanged gifts and nice card 20 pound ish. Never been forgotten on either sides.

Alex was 30 this year and I got a gift voucher for treatment I knew she would like a little bit more than the usual amount due to a special birthday. She was working late on the actual day so I dropped it off at her house and her sister took both the birthday card and voucher envelope (both seperate, due to sizes) and said she would give it to her when she got home. She had a girls night out the previous weekend which cost about 50 pounds each (this is relevant).

A few weeks later a group of 8 girls also went on a mini break abroad for 3 days (another 350 pound) to celebrate the special day. I was more than happy to go/pay as I had arranged something similar 2 years earlier.

Fast forward to my birthday last week, I got a card from Alex 1 day late and no gift. I must stress that I am not a person who expects gifts etc, however I am very considerate when buying a gift what the person would really like. I thought it was a bit odd really and a little upset.

Just found out that Alex did not receive my gift this year, only the card and therefore it wasn't passed on from her sister.

AIBU to be UPSET that because she thought I didn't buy her a gift she missed my birthday. Money is not the reason (I know that).

OP posts:
ecuse · 26/08/2015 07:07

So I'm not really sure what you're asking? Given you know there's been a misunderstanding between you and your friend, what are you actually upset about?

ConfusedInBath · 26/08/2015 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 26/08/2015 08:28

Pop round one evening and tell sister in front of parents that the voucher seems to have gone missing and can she remember what she did with it. Then act accordingly. Sorted.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 26/08/2015 08:49

So are you going to talk to Alex? Are you going to do anything?

Onedirectionarestillloved · 26/08/2015 08:58

Ring your friend and ask her what the sister did with the voucher.

It is unacceptable to steal someone else's gift.

Go into the salon and explain the situation And ask if they can throw any light on this.

I sould also make it clear to Alex that you are disgusted at her sisters behaviour.

coconutpie · 26/08/2015 09:12

WTF? How is this even an issue? The sister is 14, she has parents right? Go 'round to her house and speak to her parents about it. Sounds like she stole it or binned it if she doesn't like you - she needs to replace it. Also call up the place you got the voucher from and see if they can reissue it.

coconutpie · 26/08/2015 09:14

Oh and I understand why your friend didn't get you anything for your birthday - in her eyes you decided to just give a card for a big birthday (30th) so why should she continue with gift giving then.

Does your friend know about the voucher? You need to tell her!

WhyDoesGastonBark · 26/08/2015 09:15

I cannot believe that she wouldn't have said something in passing to her sister like "oh its so weird OP never got me anything for this big birthday when we usually do gifts"... Its all a bit suspect to me!

ptumbi · 26/08/2015 09:21

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charlestonchaplin · 26/08/2015 09:27

OP, I get you.

I have come to understand how strong the culture of reciprocity is in the UK which I think is the reason most have not picked up or acknowledged the main reason you are posting, instead focussing on what is to you a side issue.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 26/08/2015 09:28

Grinnaughty ptumbi
OP, your story is a bit odd. Surely you have had a conversation with your friend during which you discussed and sorted all of this out? You seem to have left it in a really odd place.

Maddiemademe · 26/08/2015 09:31

I am confused I thought troll hunting was not allowed? ptumbi, if you have concerns as to whether a poster is genuine then report rather than call it out on the thread.

OP you sound passive, that is ok I am too but it is theft. Please confront the sister and I agree try and do it in front of her parents. I would be fuming if my dd was behaving in this manner, especially towards her own sister!

RattleAndRoll · 26/08/2015 10:43

Can you not go and ask the sister outright where the voucher is?

Ohfourfoxache · 26/08/2015 10:54

ptumbi what an odd post - going to university does not automatically mean that someone's spelling/grammar is perfect. One of my old bosses made frequent grammatical errors, yet she was a hugely, hugely intelligent lady (a nurse who was very high up the ranks, 2 masters degrees and spoke 2 languages fluently).

Op you may not actually need to do anything, Alex may have it out with her herself. But if she doesn't then I agree you need to pursue it.

HellKitty · 26/08/2015 11:02

I wouldn't check with the salon as I doubt a 14 yr old girl would use it herself, I just hope she hasn't thrown it away.

rollonthesummer · 26/08/2015 11:04

The sister is 14 and she has 'never' liked you. 14?!!

ptumbi · 26/08/2015 11:09

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LittleLionMansMummy · 26/08/2015 11:25

Oh jeez, it's the grammar police. Do you mean to be so arrogantly superior ptumbi (not to mention irrelevant?)

Op - tell us what you're going to do about this, please! You've had a lot of advice...

LastOneDancing · 26/08/2015 11:46

On a 30th birthday with lots of cards and envelopes lying about, isn't it possible that it got binned by accident and the sister didn't steal it/get rid of it deliberately?!

Anyway, this story got weird when Alex didn't text and ask her sister where her voucher had got to. Really?

Sazzle41 · 26/08/2015 11:59

Hmm, Sister has lifted it then? (doesn't like you, thought she'd stir). Ask you friend outright. It's theft if she didnt get it.

Learn from it, i had similar at work, someone who didn't like me failed to do something my boss asked me to request: and i got blame. Now I cc their co-worker so she can't sabotage me.

Fatmomma99 · 26/08/2015 13:46

I agree with others, the parents should be involved.

Ignoring the issue to quibble over minor points of grammar or spelling just makes you come across as mean-minded, Ptumbi. Especially these days when so many people use devices which auto-correct for you.

YouTheCat · 26/08/2015 14:39

Ptumbi, a uni education means bugger all. I know teaching graduates that can't use 'affect' and 'effect' correctly and don't know the difference between 'practice' and 'practise'.

OP, if you've already made it clear that you gave this gift and the friend has a good idea that her sister has swiped it, all you can do is chalk it down to experience and carry on. Don't entrust the 14 year old with anything again.

ptumbi · 26/08/2015 16:16

Not the grammar police at all - I love the language, and it makes me wince when I read 'could of', to instead of too and yes, advise when they mean advice, for eg. Sometimes I find it hard to understand what people mean.

Foxache - I too speak 2 languages, (and am a student of 2 more) and any one who does should know that Grammar in other languages is hugely important! Why is it not in English? Without it, it is hard to know what someone means. I can't believe a nurse would get away with grammatical ambiguity - after all, if she wrote 'this patient needs 14 less 100mg tablets' I would think this means he needs 50mg tablets - when she possibly means 'he needs fewer than 14 tablets, of 100mg'.

Anyway - I certainly don't know of any graduates who would say 'should of'. It's a ridiculously easy piece of English.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2015 16:23

Yeah, I think YABU actually. Maybe Alex thought that you'd decided to drop from card+gift to just card, so she reciprocated in kind.
How the fuck was she supposed to know that her scabby little sister had nicked your gift? People do change how they do birthdays as they get older as well, so maybe she thought it was just that time.

So your UPSET is aimed at the wrong person - not your friend, but her thieving little sister.

Smellyoulateralligator · 27/08/2015 00:35

'this patient needs 14 less 100mg tablets' I would think this means he needs 50mg tablets - when she possibly means 'he needs fewer than 14 tablets, of 100mg'

That doesn't make sense either, ptumbi.

I'd discount the possibility that the nurse meant 86mg tablets and assume the meaning was x-14 100mg tablets (14 instead of 28).

I think the meaning in your example is quite clear (sorry for derailing the thread OP)