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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be UPSET with one of my best friends re gift

88 replies

Stars1 · 25/08/2015 21:39

Background: Been good friends (lets call her Alex) since Uni so approx 12 years, every birthday we have always (both of us) exchanged gifts and nice card 20 pound ish. Never been forgotten on either sides.

Alex was 30 this year and I got a gift voucher for treatment I knew she would like a little bit more than the usual amount due to a special birthday. She was working late on the actual day so I dropped it off at her house and her sister took both the birthday card and voucher envelope (both seperate, due to sizes) and said she would give it to her when she got home. She had a girls night out the previous weekend which cost about 50 pounds each (this is relevant).

A few weeks later a group of 8 girls also went on a mini break abroad for 3 days (another 350 pound) to celebrate the special day. I was more than happy to go/pay as I had arranged something similar 2 years earlier.

Fast forward to my birthday last week, I got a card from Alex 1 day late and no gift. I must stress that I am not a person who expects gifts etc, however I am very considerate when buying a gift what the person would really like. I thought it was a bit odd really and a little upset.

Just found out that Alex did not receive my gift this year, only the card and therefore it wasn't passed on from her sister.

AIBU to be UPSET that because she thought I didn't buy her a gift she missed my birthday. Money is not the reason (I know that).

OP posts:
Original poster
Stars1 · 25/08/2015 21:55

Another friend was talking to Alex a few weeks ago about the salon (pretty new) and mentioned you can have a treatment there to which she had no idea.

I did ask her (hence the post) and she said she didnt get the voucher only the card.

As bluebell said I would of even given a bottle of wine instead of nothing and a late card. 4

OP posts:
laffymeal · 25/08/2015 21:56

So you've known the sister since she was 2 years old and she's "never liked you" enough to mess you and her sister around like this. Sounds very odd.

You need to speak to your friend (Alex) and tell her what happened.

RainbowRoses · 25/08/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnOffTheTv · 25/08/2015 21:56

How do you know she didn't get it?

lorelei9 · 25/08/2015 21:57

OP "AIBU to be UPSET that because she thought I didn't buy her a gift she missed my birthday. Money is not the reason (I know that)"

She didn't miss your birthday - she got you a card one day late. She probably didn't get you a present because she thought you weren't doing presents any more. I do recognise you might be upset and think she should have got you a gift anyway (?) but that's not really fair. I think if you don't get a gift from someone you might well think it's a sign that gifts are not being done any more.

Main thing is to find out what happened with your vouchers!! As they were in an envelope, I wonder if they got popped in a pile of post somewhere and never opened? Or if the sister swiped them?

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 25/08/2015 21:58

Well you need to find out from the sister what she did with it.

hibbleddible · 25/08/2015 22:00

So she knows you gave the gift but didn't receive it?

Surely she is asking where it has got to?

Original poster
Stars1 · 25/08/2015 22:00

Alex said she will ask her sister and hasn't got back to me yet. I only asked her last week end.

I know she probably won't bring it up again as a) she knows her sister has swiped/binned the voucher. b) embarrassed.

OP posts:
WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 25/08/2015 22:01

I would have it out with the sister.

Smellyoulateralligator · 25/08/2015 22:03

Everyone in isolated but unified indignation.
Sister has a lot of front withholding the voucher. Especially at 14. Maybe it's lost somewhere in the house?

I really wouldn't stress too much about it.

Why doesn't she like you ?

BrideOfWankenstein · 25/08/2015 22:03

You need to ask Alex yourself. Explain that you bought her a special gift and really wouldn't want it to be lost.

Original poster
Stars1 · 25/08/2015 22:06

She doesn't like me beacuse she is rude and awful to her sister which I have witnessed many times. I have never said anthing to the kid but definatley get the vibe that she doesn't like me from the glares I get.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 25/08/2015 22:09

Very odd indeed.

Surely in the conversation of..... Did you get your voucher? ... No, just the card...

The question of wtf happened to it should have arisen?

You've been mates for years, close enough for gifts every birthday, why would she be too embarrassed to talk about it?!

Eternalsunshines · 25/08/2015 22:10

YABU to be upset with your friend, it's her sister you have the problem with.

FarFromAnyRoad · 25/08/2015 22:12

I find it so odd that you're supposedly such good friends and yet you never thought to ask if she'd used the voucher. It's just what friends do - you give/accept a gift and there's some follow up. A year of silence? Nah - I'm not buying it.

Despondentlyyours · 25/08/2015 22:12

Small salon is easier to make a fuss. Make sure you contact them copying in friend about lost voucher. When salon says that siser cashed it in you will be fine

GloriousGoosebumps · 25/08/2015 22:14

You seem very passive. Just ask Alex what her sister has to say about the voucher and let us know if Alex suddenly decides to buy you a present. This also seems like the ideal opportunity to get to the bottom of why the sister dislikes you and then you can
sort the problem out.

AnyFucker · 25/08/2015 22:22

MN never fails to show me just how different people's attitudes and lives can be

Original poster
Stars1 · 25/08/2015 22:23

I am not passive by any means, and a few months is hardly a year. We both have busy lives with work and family so I didn't occur to me that she might have used the voucher already. It has a year date on it.

Yes I am annoyd that I got a gift that has either been binned or sold on and my friend should of had it. Alex might be embarassed because she knows what her sister is can be like. (my own silly fault for leaving it with her and lesson learnt)

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 25/08/2015 23:02

Does this younger sister live with parents? I would be round there and say to them 'I gave young sister a voucher to give to Alex, but Alex never got it, it was quite expensive and I want to know what has happened to it'

If young sister 'lost' it she needs to replace, if she stole it she needs to give it back, replace, or I'd be threatening her with the police. Its not OK for a 14 yr old to steal something and everyone to say 'Oh dear that's what younger sister is like' that's just craziness, she needs to be called to account.

lifesalongsong · 25/08/2015 23:11

If it's a small salon won't they be more likely to know if the voucher has been used, you'd think they'd write it in a book or something.

Why not give them a ring and just ask if the voucher has been used? My guess would be that the sister binned it, the salon might well be able to give you another copy.

Im also interested to know more about what the sister did with it. If I thought a friend had only given me a card I would probably just do the same as well.

MidniteScribbler · 26/08/2015 01:12

I'd talk to her parents. This is theft.

sleeponeday · 26/08/2015 01:20

I agree that you need to talk to the parents. I'd want to know if my DD was capable of that. It is absolutely theft, and spiteful at that. The loser was her own sister, too.

ilovesooty · 26/08/2015 06:35

If you're such good friends I don't understand why you haven't followed this up more proactively.
I agree with other posters that if the sister had this and hasn't passed it on it's theft.
Deal with it as such.

confusedandemployed · 26/08/2015 06:52

This is a baffling thread.

It's plainer than the nose on my face what OP needs to do.