Swedish massage - did i overreact?

[Creepersgonnacreep]

I'm a recently qualified massage therapist, I also do Indian head massage and am training to do hot stones part time. Well I've just set up in business, me and a good friend. We go to peoples homes and offer full body massage. We've set up a site on fb and also on gumtree and as we're so new we've offered a 'buy one, get one half price' special offer thing. We've also specified that we're not a sexual service in any form - I noticed other gumtree ads had done the same.

So a client called and booked me, my friend had another appointment in the same area at the same time so I went and the man let me in, I set up my table, all very normal. He was mid thirties, lived alone, busy career, nice house. Told me he has sciatica and most discomfort and pain is lower back, plus he gets pain in his inner thighs.

I left the room while he changed and asked him to lie on the bed covered in a towel. Came back in and he was stripped naked! I told him its meant to be underwear only and he said his previous massage therapist used to have no issue as it meant she could get to the right ares without pants getting in the way...

I'm not assertive and just froze. I said I really don't want to do the massage like this but he couldn't understand why, he said its medical issues he's hired me for and medical professionals would have no embarrassment about the human body. I thought about making a run for it to the door but got scared he'd try tostop me, I discreetly texted my friend to say please come and get me asap.

I did do the massage when it got to his genital area I said I really didn't like doing this and he said jokingly that I'm a bit of a prude and to just 'move it out of the way' which I didn't do as ihad no intention of touching his cock. He seemed completely non-aroused by it all, wasn't flirty, made no advances and talked purely about the pain he suffers.

I took his money after rushing the massage, saw my friend was waiting for me, packed my table and practically ran out of his house!

He rang an hour later asking to book for his half price follow up massage. I told him I've decided to pack up the business!

Typing it out seems obvious now that I am right to never go back but he honestly made me feel I was overreacting and that he only had a 'medical' approach to it all. What do people think?

I think massage therapists would be used to seeing naked bodies. It does seem a bit of an overreaction. It didn't seem sexual. I would refund half his money as you have not honoured the offer.

No you are definitely not overreacting. You were uncomfortable and clearly stated so.

Do not go back there, but if I were you, I would refund half the price of the massage (perhaps drop the cash in his letterbox) so that he can't harass you over not getting his half price massage.

We were taught in every other lesson when I was training on how to deal with awkward clients.

You should have point blank refused and left.

My tutor drummed it into us that if we didn't feel happy with a situation we should be firm and polite and walk away. She had it happen to her a few times. However, I simply froze on the spot! I didn't want to let him down and part of me did think that I needed to do a lot of work on areas his pants may get in the way.

I'll refund him half through the door, will make me feel I have closure.

I have had massages where they gave me the choice of naked or undies but genitals always remain skilfully covered with a towel somehow.

I think he was out of order to push you into it when you repeatedly said you were not comfortable with it. Even if it wasn't giving him a sexual kick, it wasn't a nice way to conduct himself considering your conditions.

Your business, your rules and regs, otherwise he can go to another company. For that reason I think YANBU and I hope you can feel confident in saying that in future. Don't let one idiot discourage you from continuing.

He put you on the spot and made you feel uncomfortable whereas with every other client it's half your job to make them feel comfortable.

I'm sure every therapist has a similar story. I always worked through salons to protect myself. You've learnt from this experience and will be aware the next time. I do feel for you!

"Move it out of the way". Bleurgh. Again YANBU.

Chaircat! Double bleurgh!

'Move it out the way yourself you dirty little bastard'.

Thanks for the reassurance, I think that was what was most annoying - that when I said I didn't want to do this with him naked (very politely too), he disregarded it and went on to make comments about me being a prude, maybe with a smile, but still didn't take me seriously.
Looking back, I should have refused there and then, but as I say I was scared of his potential reaction if I'd tried to leave, and i did question myself and wonder if it was completely innocent on his part.

Well my friend isn't happy, she doesn't think we should go to peoples homes alone so we're going to work together for the time being although not sure how that will work out, and we're applying for jobs at salons now as it will obviously be more regulated.

Don't think yabu to feel akward, i have massages for my health problems and i'm always naked bar my nickers and thats because i don't feel comfortable without them. I'm always covered by a towel.
Every therapist has always said it's my choice though.

Ha yes when he said to move it out of the way I thought.."no, lets just leave Mr Penis where he is shall we". Really made me feel on edge.

My masseuse prefers clients naked to avoid underwear getting in the way. Definitely bra off as the strap really does get in the way, but you can keep your underpants on if you really feel uncomfortable. She always manages to keep all everything personal covered and I'm never felt uncomfortable (and I'm probably the most prudish person ever! I won't even wear a bikini, and I have a swim skirt for when I'm in a bathing suit).

No one should ever be made to feel uncomfortable, but I do wonder whether it was in part due to your inexperience? Are you still in contact with any of your tutors that you could then talk through the situation with them and ask them how they would suggest you deal with it?

Any chance you and your friend coul start a business together? Even the pair of you going to offices or the like and offering a 15 minute head/neck/shoulders?

Yes midnite agree with you there.
I don't think this guy was trying anything seedy.

You didn't over react, you stated your practice and were forced by fear to carry on under duress. It is a painful situation and it takes real practice to be assertive, hard at the start but it will get easier.

No one knows if he was seedy, he was coercive, he asked that his penis was touched. Plenty of men get off on that, plenty with erectile dysfunction too. Who knows but you felt uncomfortable and were unable to enforce your boundaries which is a horrid feeling. I struggle to think of anyone casually telling me to move their prick out of the way as if it was a misplaced shoe.

There can be odd power dynamics working in people's hones, alone and without an established business/ personal relationship.

Even if he wasn't wearing underwear, I don't know how you were faced with his genitals? When I did a Swedish massage course we were taught to keep the client's body covered with a towel apart from the specific area of the body we were working on.

I've only had the one Swedish massage (very nice too), I treated my mother and my daughter to one at a local spa. We were all naked for the massage, but the masseur was female and very careful with towels too, so it wasn't embarrassing.

I think your business model sounds a bit risky to be honest OP, going alone to the homes of strangers, advertising in a bit of an informal way and having to state that your services are not sexual. I think you were bound to get into a few tricky situations, so not ideal until you are more experienced and perhaps have a bit of a clientele list or at least personal recommendations to build on. Working n a salon for a while seems like a much more sensible plan.

The world isn't full of people waiting to attack her. Attacks by complete strangers are very rare.Why not provide paper pants so there is no confusion?

Stating that your services are not sexual on Gumtree sounds to me like you're trying to get round prostitution laws. I've never been to a reputable massage place that had to state that; it was a given.

To be honest I've had massages all round the world and it really depends on the country and masseuse. The last very expensive massage I had in the states was so disappointing because it barely went above the knees or below the waist.

To be honest for me the ones I go back for do front and back including buttocks and chest ( but not actual boobs).

I guess you'll eventually find a clientele that you find comfortable with and visa versa.

Why couldn't you just cover him up with a towel? Not say anything, just do it?

I don't think stating the services weren't sexual equated that they were trying to get round prostitution laws. Normally when it's a brothel it says something like 'you are paying for the girls time and company only' yeah right.

But I do think it would have been better if you'd covered him up with a towel and got on with things. I have had massages but always kept my knickers on!

I think it's personal and you just need to decide what your rules are and stick to them. You prefer clients in underwear....so you tell the next weirdo customer who wants to keep his off that no, he must wear underpants or there's no massage.

I've heard of waxing specialists who won't do it unless pants are on. I think that's a bit odd....but massage is different.