Swedish massage - did i overreact?

[Creepersgonnacreep]

I'm a recently qualified massage therapist, I also do Indian head massage and am training to do hot stones part time. Well I've just set up in business, me and a good friend. We go to peoples homes and offer full body massage. We've set up a site on fb and also on gumtree and as we're so new we've offered a 'buy one, get one half price' special offer thing. We've also specified that we're not a sexual service in any form - I noticed other gumtree ads had done the same.

So a client called and booked me, my friend had another appointment in the same area at the same time so I went and the man let me in, I set up my table, all very normal. He was mid thirties, lived alone, busy career, nice house. Told me he has sciatica and most discomfort and pain is lower back, plus he gets pain in his inner thighs.

I left the room while he changed and asked him to lie on the bed covered in a towel. Came back in and he was stripped naked! I told him its meant to be underwear only and he said his previous massage therapist used to have no issue as it meant she could get to the right ares without pants getting in the way...

I'm not assertive and just froze. I said I really don't want to do the massage like this but he couldn't understand why, he said its medical issues he's hired me for and medical professionals would have no embarrassment about the human body. I thought about making a run for it to the door but got scared he'd try tostop me, I discreetly texted my friend to say please come and get me asap.

I did do the massage when it got to his genital area I said I really didn't like doing this and he said jokingly that I'm a bit of a prude and to just 'move it out of the way' which I didn't do as ihad no intention of touching his cock. He seemed completely non-aroused by it all, wasn't flirty, made no advances and talked purely about the pain he suffers.

I took his money after rushing the massage, saw my friend was waiting for me, packed my table and practically ran out of his house!

He rang an hour later asking to book for his half price follow up massage. I told him I've decided to pack up the business!

Typing it out seems obvious now that I am right to never go back but he honestly made me feel I was overreacting and that he only had a 'medical' approach to it all. What do people think?

This is clearly a case of inexperience and lack of confidence.

Do you take your own towels etc with you? I always do. For one thing, I know they are clean and for another, if you come into the room with a naked client, you just pick up a towel and cover them up. You aren't beholden on them providing (or not) a suitable towel.

I would probably have been just as shaken as you were when I was first qualified had I come into this situation. But now (many years later) I would be matter-of-fact and firm.

I am quite happy to massage clients without underwear, but they are always covered with a towel. If I was in this situation I would just say 'I'm sorry, but I will only treat you if you are covered. Are you happy for me to continue on that basis?' If he is, great. If not, 'OK, that's fine. Once you are dressed I will pack my things and leave. I won't charge you for my time as I am not able to offer what you are looking for'.

I am a bit confused as to your reference as to when you got to the 'genital area'. Why are you working on that area? You mention swedish massage, rather than remedial, so surely you wouldn't be working higher than the thigh? Although it is a long time since I trained in swedish, so maybe things have changed since then.

One more thing to note - I never mention 'sexual services', 'extras', 'happy endings' or anything else that could be misconstrued as sexual in online advertising. The reason being that google and other search engines don't discriminate, so if someone googles 'sexual massage yourtown', your advert will show up, which leaves you more open to that kind of request. Not mentioning it doesn't mean you won't get the phone calls - I have had them too, but in my (double figures) years of massage, I can count the number of those phone calls on one hand.

You were unlucky. I have a fairly even split of male/female clients, and the vast majority of men that have been in touch have been lovely. Don't let this put you off. But maybe tailor your advertising to appeal primarily to a female audience? Or maybe some other specialisation that will mean people are less likely to think they might get something more. And be prepared for the fact that, although it is much rarer, women might ask for services that you aren't offering too.

And no matter how shaken and not confident you feel when you are faced with a tricky situation, try your best to appeal calm, be matter-of-fact and be clear about how you work. It's ok to say no to clients that are asking for something that you don't offer.

Good luck!

Thanks Aeroflotgirl :) I will work on FAQ's to add to our website, and include clear guidelines and boundaries.

crabby yes this is what I say too, and that is what he then did. I left the room to wash my hands and when I came back in, there he was...on his back and as naked as the day he was born.

Oh no ilooklike please don't let this put you off! Perhaps do what I'm trying to do and rent a room for the time being to gain more experience and be able to deal with dodgy customers.

Hi bluemoonrising - thanks for your reply and good wishes
With the 'genital' situation, I mean when I did the work on his inner thighs which he wanted a lot of, and very deep pressure. He wanted me to focus on that area quite a bit, and that's when my hand kept almost meeting with his penis and balls I said: "I'm struggling here a bit to avoid contact, so can't do it the way you want", and that's when he made the 'move it out of the way' comment. I really couldn't, so said no and that's when he threw various arguments at me such as the sexism issue.

I'm just a bit pissed off as trained so hard to do holistic therapies, and most of the interest so far has been men who I don't get a good feeling about over the phone. I am thinking of enrolling on a childcare course too in September, that was another avenue I wanted to go down if this doesn't pan out, so I may well enrol onto that and see how the business goes.

Thanks for all replies

creep you had a crap client that day, who behaved very inappropriately, asking you to move his genitals, wtaf!!!!! And passing inappropriate comments, I think he was getting off on it. It seems as though you do need to be very assertive with clients like this, and very clear boundaries, know what to do if thus happens again, such as, I will not work if you do not cover with a towel, if he refuses, I cannot provide a service today, here's your money back bye.

No creep please don't let one crap client out you off. Just have female only clients, don't advertise on places like Gumtree where you will most probably get the dodgy dirty mack brigade. Yes renting a room sounds like a very good idea.

Creep, he was being selfish and out if order. You are perfectly right to feel uncomfortable. I worked as a message therapist for a while and met all types of creepy guys. If they wanted a naked massage I would tellthem that the towel was there for my benefit as well as theirs. Also, wanting lots of work done on his inner thighs. I understand that you are torn between being professional and instinctively uncomfortable. I would avoid Gumtree, and state men by referral only. Look after yourself.

Thank you to last 2 replies the more I dwell on this, the more I know in my heart that it wasn't right for me. Even if he wasn't getting off sexually, he was very rude to disregard the fact that I asked for underwear and/or a towel. He KNEW I was out of my comfort zone yet didn't care, and wanted me to carry on regardless. I personally couldn't enjoy a massage under those circumstances!

We're staying away from Gumtree and have a meeting set up with a lady who runs a holistic salon offering various treatments, she rents out rooms to the therapists and its all very clinical and business like

This experience has taught me a lot, trusting gut instincts is vital, plus setting and keeping boundaries.

That is great creep, don't let him put you off, use it as experience to improve how you approach things. Please don't give up, you will have knocks in life, pick yourself up and start again.

Horrible!
this guy was enjoying your discomfort and probably getting off on that you were almost touching his cock/balls! Creep!! Any decent chap would immediately cover up and WOULDNT expect you to touch their genitals.. WTAF!!

As others said role play these situations so you ate comfortable being very assertive.. We had great fun wheb I was 19 role playing the most extreme situations... Its
amazing how quickly you can get used to saying stuff that normally you would hate to do!

Why dont you include it as part of the contract /appt... 'all clients are expected to wear underwear /use a dignity towel for the duration of their visit. This massuese will not providr a service if these conditions are not adhered to'

yes this is what I say too, and that is what he then did. I left the room to wash my hands and when I came back in, there he was...on his back and as naked as the day he was born.

I would have refused to do the massage unless he had a towel over him - simple as that. What a fucking creep!