Swedish massage - did i overreact?

[Creepersgonnacreep]

I'm a recently qualified massage therapist, I also do Indian head massage and am training to do hot stones part time. Well I've just set up in business, me and a good friend. We go to peoples homes and offer full body massage. We've set up a site on fb and also on gumtree and as we're so new we've offered a 'buy one, get one half price' special offer thing. We've also specified that we're not a sexual service in any form - I noticed other gumtree ads had done the same.

So a client called and booked me, my friend had another appointment in the same area at the same time so I went and the man let me in, I set up my table, all very normal. He was mid thirties, lived alone, busy career, nice house. Told me he has sciatica and most discomfort and pain is lower back, plus he gets pain in his inner thighs.

I left the room while he changed and asked him to lie on the bed covered in a towel. Came back in and he was stripped naked! I told him its meant to be underwear only and he said his previous massage therapist used to have no issue as it meant she could get to the right ares without pants getting in the way...

I'm not assertive and just froze. I said I really don't want to do the massage like this but he couldn't understand why, he said its medical issues he's hired me for and medical professionals would have no embarrassment about the human body. I thought about making a run for it to the door but got scared he'd try tostop me, I discreetly texted my friend to say please come and get me asap.

I did do the massage when it got to his genital area I said I really didn't like doing this and he said jokingly that I'm a bit of a prude and to just 'move it out of the way' which I didn't do as ihad no intention of touching his cock. He seemed completely non-aroused by it all, wasn't flirty, made no advances and talked purely about the pain he suffers.

I took his money after rushing the massage, saw my friend was waiting for me, packed my table and practically ran out of his house!

He rang an hour later asking to book for his half price follow up massage. I told him I've decided to pack up the business!

Typing it out seems obvious now that I am right to never go back but he honestly made me feel I was overreacting and that he only had a 'medical' approach to it all. What do people think?

I think a lot of men do get off on being in control over women and he is one of them!

He certainly did not like being asked to keep his pants on, which was a reasonable request.

I am a student nurse, and clearly need to do personal care. We do keep private areas covered until directly dealing with them though. That is the very least you should have insisted on.

The boob comment I just ignored...when he got his tongue out I said I think we are done here and walked out...i reported him to my manager and they approached him when he was leaving.
Also when I did my massage training I'm sure we were told as a rough guide to not massage more than 2 hand widths higher than the knee?? (Maybe I made that up??) I have never massaged high enough for a clients knob to get in the way!
I think he knew exactly what he was doing and at the end of the day he made you feel uncomfortable and unsafe in his home when you were alone and that's a horrible situation to be in.
Good luck with your business and don't let one person put you off-I have worked for myself for 3years now and so far ever come across anyone else like that x

Had the same thing happen to me almost 30 years ago re a swedish massage for a man in his 50's. I was in the salon alone and when i got into the treatment room he had folded towel to the size of a flannel and everything was in show. I was making conversation to stop myself from feeling unfomfortable but he kept sitting up and it really freaked me out although nothing happend appart from the fact he exposed himself on purpose. I gave up beauty therapy a short time later as i had many inappropriare and unpleasant experiences. I do not think for a minute this was 'innocent' i think he probably got off on your discomfort. I would suggest in future you either refuse male clients or make sure you are not alone.

I'd have been tempted to 'move it out of the way' with a fork.

Haha at the fork comment!maybe invest in some very hot stones also!

Yanbu you felt uncomfortable he should have accepted that, that he didn't is questionable

I used to work as a beauty therapist and trained in massage there too. We only offered massages to women due to so many men stripping (when it was quite obvious they only needed to strip to underwear) why would you need to remove underwear, asking the therapists out, accidentally touching one wore silk boxers for me and left a bottle of champagne as a tip he couldn't understand why I didn't want to go out with him I was 25 at the time he was in his 60's. It didn't help our uniform was like a nice nurses uniform

Oh OP, nope no over reaction from you. I'm a holistic therapist and I know his type. He didn't respect your wishes. I've only worked in Spas but if I ever decided to go self employed id only do male clients in my own home when OH is here.

After you've been doing it for a while you get a feel for who's a creep. In my experience the worst clients are married men (who's lovely wives have booked the treatment for them ) I've been groped and some have said disgusting things to me. Then after my shift I'll see them with their wife and kids and it makes me feel sick.

The good outweighs the bad though

Bit of an over-reaction IMO. He wasn't flirty or aroused or asking for anything other than a professional massage.

Some people are just more comfortable being naked than others and if his previous massage therapist told him to strip naked I can understand why he did the same and was puzzled by your reaction. It seems a bit odd for a professional massage therapist to be so upset by the sight of a naked body.
I work in healthcare and see naked bodies all the time, some patients are very unselfconscious and will remove underwear in front of me even if it's not really necessary. It doesn't bother me and I wouldn't embarrass them by asking them to cover their genitals!

I've had full-body Swedish massage in UK and kept my knickers on, but in other countries (Switzerland, Iceland, Austria) it seems the norm is to strip naked though I've been covered with towels, and offered paper-knickers in one place. I guess they don't want to get oils on people's underwear or be restricted from accessing certain areas. Maybe your client was worried about oil on his underwear?

my neighbours/best friends run a massage school. I'm not sure what they'd do/say as not asked them but from a professional basis its your service you're offering so if you're not happy doing it with him naked just say so and stop the service if he doesn't cover up.

I've had a gay male masseuse where I was wondering where his hands were going. I also visited a naturist spa (other stuff went on which I didn't know about...) and there massages though they said didn't include 'happy endings' well from speaking from a client one masseuse certainly DID do happy endings.

That guy sounds like a real creep. No wonder you were scared. And I agree with the PP that women tend to be pleasers in that sort of situation. Think of a man you really respect, OP; would he react like that guy did?

I think it would be better and safer to either insist a woman is there with him (hard to enforce as she might have "just popped out to the shops" when you get there) or work in pairs (which ends up expensive as you earn half the money) or hire space in a salon. Again, this is expensive.

I just feel you are making yourselves very, very vulnerable going into men's houses to massage them.

Mixed responses, which I expected as it really is a difficult situation to judge. If it was a woman would I have felt the same, or a gay man? Its hard to say. Probably not, but if they then refused to a least have the towel on them it might irk me a bit, as I find that disrespectful. As someone earlier said, if I'd done this when the therapist requested undies I'd be mortified and respect their boundaries.
I'm not shocked by the sight of the human body, if I was a nurse, doctor, health care assistant or other hp where nudity was necessary then of course I'd just get on with it. But he didn't NEED to be uncovered like this, I'm good at manoeuvring towels to concentrate on specific areas and his penis did get in the way, enough for us both to comment on it. It affected the quality of the massage because I was uneasy, rushing and had to avoid that area so as not to keep brushing it with my hands!

Thanks for all your stories of similar experiences and tips to handle it

Good lord explodingcarrots that really is vile, especially seeing them with the family afterwards...they really have a nerve, and are obviously very trusting, shamefully relying on you not spilling the details to the wife!

Yanbu at all, this man was deliberately making making you feel uncomfortable, I don't blame you. You and your business partner need to establish firm boundaries fir working with the opposite sex (like not working alone, female clients only, pants on, no genital touching etc).

He was not respectful, played on your unease and purposefully made you feel uncomfortable. You do need to establish boundaries and rules for working with the opposite sex.

Hmmm... I was a massage therapist, years ago, I'm in a bit of two minds about this. On the one hand, I can understand why he didn't expect or want to wear underwear - jockey shorts type undies make massaging the buttocks awkward, and that's pretty important if he has sciatica.

On the other hand, I wouldn't have dreamt of massaging someone without covering them with a towel - both for their comfort and mine. That way you only expose the bit of the body that you're working on at the time, and if e.g. you were working in the front of the thigh, it would be easy to tuck everything out of the way with the towel.

I used to have a chat/take the case history beforehand, then when ready to start would say
"Ok, if you'd like to undress and lie face-down on the couch, covering yourself with the towel. I'll just go and wash my hands.", which gave them privacy to change and also stated my expectations.

I absolutely would not have been comfortable massaging a man without a towel on him, even lying face down, and would have told him that the only way we were going ahead with the massage was using a towel. Are you saying that he lay face up on the couch with his cock out?

If you are going to do house calls to men, then you are going to have to get a lot more assertive and clear about your boundaries! Especially if you're advertising on Gumtree, where I would imagine you'll get some sleazy fucks contacting you. I was very, very selective about which men I massaged, and worked mainly on women. I never advertised and it was mainly word of mouth and personal recommendations for blokes - less chance of any funny business if there's a mutual friend. I worked at a theatre on dancers and stage crew, though, and did quite a few blokes there. All the dancers stripped naked, iirc, but I always used towels.

I'd rent a room in a clinic if I were you, I think - at least then you've got a bit of backup if someone makes you feel uncomfortable or pushes your boundaries.

To be honest if his problem is in his lower back and his underwear was in the way then the only way for you to be able to give the service he requires is to remove them.

I would provide paper underwear to be honest

Also yes you will get a lot of people who want more than a massage if you advertise on gum tree. A lot of prostitutes advertise on there and advertise as massage service.

I've just posted a thread in chat about starting up a mobile business !!!! This has put me off now.

No please don't let it put you off!since I set up my own business I've had no issues like this and I actually find when men come to me they have usually been booked in by a partner and they seem quite awkward and shy about the whole thing!

Unfortunately I don't have the space to have people at home so I'd need to be visiting them at home. I was thinking of getting flyers made up and posting them around my estate and putting them through neighbours' doors. Trying to keep down on fuel costs and also thinking that most of the people round here don't look like perverts or axe murderers !?

Unfortunately no big burly male therapist friends!

Can't you hire a room at a clinic?

Many therapy clinics work this way, and it is beneficial all round. You get advertising through the clinic, facilities, safety and security, the clinic is able to offer a large number of therapies without having to employ the therapists directly.

The "you wouldn't say this to a woman" stuff is complete bullshit. When would a woman ask you to move her penis out of the way?

Yanbu. It's not an over reaction when he asked you to move his genitals which was wrong. I do some fully clothed treatments in a place where other therapists are around.