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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kids, tablets / ipads and naming ceremony

103 replies

weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:24

Quite prepared to be told I am (thinking of) being unreasonable ... .and wanted to canvass opinions.

we are having an afternoon naming get together for dd2 in a couple of months and getting ready to send out invites for about 60 adults and 15 kids. The kids will range in age from 8 months to 11 yrs old. There will be a mixture of family and close friends. It will be from 2.30 - 5.30 and an informal thing in a large venue which has a beer garden and large outside space for kids to run around in. The more "formal" part will last around 45 mins with both do and myself speaking along with her nominated "guardians". There will be a buffet provided at 3.45.

am I being unreasonable to not want the kids to be sitting playing on their tablets all afternoon? I especially dont want it during the actual naming itself. I know 45 mins can be a long time for some kids.
it seems that any time we go out with certain family groups, their young kids have the tablets out from the minute they arrive until they leave - including during eating meals. They never really speak to anyone but are focused on their technology. It has been this way since they have been aged 2 or 3.
With friend's kids - it hasn't been so much like this but a couple of them aged 6 have their tablets with them everywhere but know not to bring to our house on playdates as they are put away to encourage the kids to play with each other.
there wont be entertainment for the kids as such but each if them will be given a party bag at beginning with colouring in books, craft sets etc and one area of the room will be an arts n crafts station along with board games and toys for the younger ones.
maybe I am being incredibly unreasonable, old fashioned and out of touch but would really love it if there could be at least part if the afternoon when they were switched off.

what do you think??

OP posts:
MsTargaryen · 23/08/2015 01:26

Won't you have more interesting things going on that day than worrying whether the children are occupied with iPads versus colouring books?

AndNowItsSeven · 23/08/2015 01:29

What will the 45 minutes of formal naming consist of?

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:32

yep targaryen = plenty to focus on and lots to do / be involved in and dont intend to be fretting nor worrying about such things. i would prefer them to be a bit more engaged with others around them and what is happening.
In my experience kids who are being creative / colouring in dont tend to ignore everyone and everything around them as much as those i have seen on ipads. Maybe it is just the kids i have seen though.

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 23/08/2015 01:33

Why are you worried about it? Personally I'm in favour of restricting screen time for developmental/social/educational reasons but can't see the problem with them as an alternative to going insane with boredom during a 45 min (!!!) ceremony. Would you let them read / do colouring during the ceremony? I think yabu to insist they watch.

travertine · 23/08/2015 01:35

I would be thinking 'thank god all the kids are quiet' maybe they will be doing a colouring in app on their tablets. I don't mean to be blunt but kids bless them don't care about your naming ceremony. So let them get on with doing their thing so you can enjoy your thing.

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:36

the 45 mins will be a welcome by celebrant, oldest dd is giving short speech, dp and i will give 5 mins each, 4 of the kids want to sing a song they have written, grandas are lighting a candle, a toast and cutting of cake. we have allowed 45 minutes but not even take that long.

i think it boils down to being surprised that kids not being able to manage that amount of time without their tablet / ipad

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 23/08/2015 01:40

I mean tbh you probably can force them to sit through all that, but it would be kinder to let them zone in and out and do there own thing. I was at a Hindu wedding at the weekend - there lots of kids at the temple but ignoring the ceremony - sneaking to the back, whispering, on tablets etc. I thought it was a nice family atmosphere. I don't think anyone would have got more out of the ceremony if they'd all been forced to sit nicely and watch.

travertine · 23/08/2015 01:41

Well they can manage that time. Probably by running around, being noisy and disruptive and asking their parents numerous questions. Grown adults love spending time on these things. It's not just the children. Sounds like a lovely day with all the family involved.

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:43

btw - i am not insisting they watch or are engrossed in the ceremony. i do not expect that they will be engrossed by such a thing and know it will be yawn for many.

it is not a "rule' nor request for the kids at all.

of course they can do whatever they want - there will be no "tech' bouncers hauling or bawling kids out if they get technology out. Smile

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 23/08/2015 01:51

Hm but if you're not expecting them to watch why do you prefer them to play off tablet than on? Off tablet play is noisier. Honestly , I'd let the kids do what they will. If you're providing fun stuff then they'll take an interest, but I reckon a bit of a time out with a book or tablet is ok too. I think it might come across as a bit overbearing and even snobby to make this request.

travertine · 23/08/2015 01:51

Well then just let them get on with it. I do agree with you tho, in our minds we would love them to be playing and interacting but they won't. They will posting away and updating the best of football scores or something. It's a shame but hey, maybe encourage them to take some pictures or videos of everyone so you have memories to look back on from different viewpoints.

catkind · 23/08/2015 02:01

It's other people's kids. YABU to try to dictate how their parents should manage them. Not your problem.

Wouldn't be unreasonable to be a bit sad for them if they've been parked on tablets from a young age and missed out on playing. If you want to get them talking, sit down, ask them what they're playing, engage with them.

In my experience people tend to pull tablets/phones out when they have a child who's the wrong age to play with the host children or their toys, so there really isn't a lot for them to do; or exactly to keep them quiet while something like boring adult speeches is going. I think that's quite understandable tbh. In my day I'd have had my nose in a book, equally away with the fairies.

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 02:03

i guess it is my own prejudice coming through in what i might prefer and i dont intend to make any request either pre or at event! Maybe i should just confiscate all their tech at the door Wink Grin

as i said -i was prepared to hear i am unreasonable in thinking this and have to accept that i am on this.

Great idea to get the kids to take pics / make videos as at dd1's ceremony - we ended up with about 3 blurred images taken by my dad ...

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2015 02:03

DD rarely if ever gets to play on her DF or my phone generally. If she had to sit quietly through a 45 minute ceremony, my phone would come out. Because we have spent a lot of time being shushed and glared at during DD's life. DD has issues staying quiet and still. So, which do you want? Quiet and still or off the electronics. Because you very well may not get to have both.

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 02:10

catkind -

i might wish that the kids wouldnt spend all afternoon on tablets but i am not going to be marching up to little (insert name) and demand he sit fixated on what is happening at front of room nor call out parents in any speech if they have dared to let (insert name) get their table out!

eldest dd (aged 8) doesnt have a tablet - she hasnt shown much interest so far - so my experiences of kids on them could well change if one gets included on her xmas list this year .......

OP posts:
Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 02:11

get table out get tablet out

OP posts:
AvaCrowder · 23/08/2015 02:17

If you don't want your children to use them, then don't let your children. It's that easy.

If you don't like others doing it, well it's a bit harder then. Got any other opinions about other peoples children?

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 02:22

no avacrowder - i dont.

OP posts:
travertine · 23/08/2015 02:23

She probably has lots, most posters do I expect.

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 02:33

You're right travertine , of course I do but was trying to stick to the thread's point and not get onto other issues. Generally I think that most other peoples kids are pretty great most of the time. Most kids I know are funny, bright and a right laugh most of the time. Most of other peoples kids I know have up and down times.

OP posts:
stolemyusername · 23/08/2015 02:54

I can't see much difference between expecting them to sit and colour quietly whilst the ceremony is happening and sitting quietly playing with a tablet tbh.

RainbowFlutterby · 23/08/2015 02:59

At a 45 minute naming ceremony featuring songs by children I think I'd be on my tablet Blush

winchester1 · 23/08/2015 03:37

I don't think yabu my kids and nieces and nephews would be fine with this.
No they wouldn't enjoy the ceremony much but it wouldn't hurt them either kids don't need to be entertained all the time.

hiccupgirl · 23/08/2015 07:46

I'd be relieved that the kids were being quiet during the ceremony tbh. Plus I can imagine some of the adults will be taking sneaky looks at their phones if the ceremony really is 45 mins long.

I do get what you're saying - we don't allow DS (5) to have open ended access to a tablet but there are times when letting him play a game or do some colouring on it are invaluable. We're out for a meal today and I can guarantee the tablet will come out at some point because it means I can drink my coffee in peace after spending the meal chatting and playing with him.

Glitteryarse · 23/08/2015 07:51

I'd leave them too it .

It will give the parents a break if they want to relax and chat to other adults rather than have to put up with a bored child whinging