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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kids, tablets / ipads and naming ceremony

103 replies

weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:24

Quite prepared to be told I am (thinking of) being unreasonable ... .and wanted to canvass opinions.

we are having an afternoon naming get together for dd2 in a couple of months and getting ready to send out invites for about 60 adults and 15 kids. The kids will range in age from 8 months to 11 yrs old. There will be a mixture of family and close friends. It will be from 2.30 - 5.30 and an informal thing in a large venue which has a beer garden and large outside space for kids to run around in. The more "formal" part will last around 45 mins with both do and myself speaking along with her nominated "guardians". There will be a buffet provided at 3.45.

am I being unreasonable to not want the kids to be sitting playing on their tablets all afternoon? I especially dont want it during the actual naming itself. I know 45 mins can be a long time for some kids.
it seems that any time we go out with certain family groups, their young kids have the tablets out from the minute they arrive until they leave - including during eating meals. They never really speak to anyone but are focused on their technology. It has been this way since they have been aged 2 or 3.
With friend's kids - it hasn't been so much like this but a couple of them aged 6 have their tablets with them everywhere but know not to bring to our house on playdates as they are put away to encourage the kids to play with each other.
there wont be entertainment for the kids as such but each if them will be given a party bag at beginning with colouring in books, craft sets etc and one area of the room will be an arts n crafts station along with board games and toys for the younger ones.
maybe I am being incredibly unreasonable, old fashioned and out of touch but would really love it if there could be at least part if the afternoon when they were switched off.

what do you think??

OP posts:
00100001 · 23/08/2015 10:14

midnite Oh, right.
sorry.

Obviously the only type of ceremonies permissible are religious... Hmm

Original poster
weeonion · 23/08/2015 10:19

Good morning.

as I said up the thread - there is no "rule" that kids can't get their tablets out. I also have no expectation that they will sit in rapt silence either. I remember dd1 being at a funeral and being miffed that she couldn't join the priest (or Santa as she called him) up on the pulpit.
the comments about the kids singing made me grin - I am looking forward to seeing and hearing exactly what they have come up with.

we aren't allowed a bouncy castle by the venue but seeing if I can hire some large outdoor games is a good idea.

this wasn't a thread about whether AIBU to have a naming day. It is important to dp and I that we have some kind of day to mark DD2's arrival, especially as our families are scattered far and wide and it will be the first time some of them have met her. Nice to know we are being "pompous" by that. I dont think religious people should be the only ones to be allowed to have rituals. I realize not everyone shares that opinion though.
we have told everyone no gifts / pressies as she has more than enough already so we really aren't using it as a chance to be grabby.

we have allowed 45 mins for this part if the day but as I have said - it probably won't take that long (though if FIL gets a chance to make a speech, it could end up being hours!)

seems IABU though and will accept that. off out for the day now so thanks for your inputs.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 10:32

Its not unreasonable to expect family and friends to welcome a child into their lives. It is also not unreasonable to expect more of our children. If you allow them to be selfishly absorbed in their own little world, then you have bigger problems later on.... just imagine weddings of these children being spoilt by the next must have technology, just because tjey cant doesnt mean they should.

PunkrockerGirl · 23/08/2015 11:08

I'd rather a naming ceremony than the hypocritical non-believers who get their dc baptised so they can get them into a faith school.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 11:15

I'd have no issue with a friend saying 'come over for a BBQ and a few drinks to celebrate the new baby'

So why is it that you get to decide on what is an acceptable way of other people marking the arrival of their baby?

I have no personal axe to grind here, as we never did anything like this, but I cannot see why a religious ceremony is any more or less valid than a humanist one.

Of course, if people don't want to attend, then they can politely decline the invitation.

Hamiltoes · 23/08/2015 12:20

Perhaps because a religious ceremony has an actual point to it? Hmm

If you want to celebrate the birth of baby fine, do so. But why the need for the naming ceremony? I don't see any point in it, at all.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 12:24

Perhaps because a religious ceremony has an actual point to it?

Hamil, in my personal view, a religious ceremony is utterly pointless as well.

The thing is, I don't get to decide that for people who are religious, because it does have a point for them. And I assume that a naming ceremony has equal meaning and purpose for those parents who choose to have them.

Just because you don't see any point in it, doesn't mean that they don't.

MsTargaryen · 23/08/2015 12:24

A naming ceremony has a point. Celebrating the baby and welcoming him or her to the family. It's a nice thing for people who aren't religious to do. I'd argue that welcoming a child into a cult of the big beardy man in the sky is pointless and lacks meaning to many people if you want to look at things like that.

SillyStuffBiting · 23/08/2015 12:36

It's sad and quite concerning that the general consensus is that screens are a nessecary to get through socia ooccasions for children and even some adults.

honkinghaddock · 23/08/2015 12:40

My child may well be one of those adults.

honkinghaddock · 23/08/2015 12:42

Let parents parent their own children. They know them best.

ovenchips · 23/08/2015 12:51

YABU about 'screentime'. You're having a party and have organised it the way you think is best (sounds lovely to me) but it doesn't mean you can 'stage manage' the guests, esp if those guests are someone else's children.

Hope you have a wonderful day and congratulations on DD2!

00100001 · 23/08/2015 12:58

hamil name a religious ceremony that has a point to it that any other ceremony doesn't??

00100001 · 23/08/2015 12:59

And surelt a naming ceremony's point is to name the child and celebrate the birth?

Darkchocolatebuttons · 23/08/2015 13:09

I love your plans.

Have you thought of asking the kids with tablets to take photos' for you?

I don't think you can ask anyone not to have their tablets out/not bring tablets but by providing alternatives, you may well find it all works out brilliantly and they spend very little time on them.

Have a wonderful time.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 13:12

The point of any of these ceremonies is surely that they mean something to those who choose to have them. Is that not reason enough?

Personally, I don't believe in any religion, and I find it all a bit odd to welcome a baby "into the church" when the child in question is clearly unable to make any informed decisions about what he/she believes. However, I respect the feelings of those who choose to have this sort of ceremony and I understand that it is as much about welcoming the baby to the family and church community as it is about any religious purpose.

I find it sad that some religious people seem unable to accord equal respect to the ceremonies that other parents may choose to hold to mark the arrival of a new child, and to welcome that child to their family and their community.

FithColumnist · 23/08/2015 15:20

When did 45 minutes become too long to expect children to sit still and quiet for? I remember being a kid back in the 80s and at weddings kids were expected to sit down and behave for upwards of an hour, without the benefit of a distracting ipad Confused

KittyLane1 · 23/08/2015 17:43

I don't think 45 minutes is too long for a child to sit if it is for something interesting. Let's me honest, most adults get bored at ceremonies never mind children.
What child is going to be interested in learning that baby Bob eats sleeps and poops and is named after a relative?
I would expect a child maybe 8+ to sit still bit any younger and I would be prepared for movement.

YeOldeTrout · 23/08/2015 17:48

45 minutes is way too long. 20 minutes at a push.

SillyStuffBiting · 23/08/2015 18:17

And now it's up to hosts to be a more appealing option than a fully loaded iPad? Hmm

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 18:29

Let's me honest, most adults get bored at ceremonies never mind children.

That may well be true, but don't kids need to learn to behave politely in social situations? A bit of boredom never killed anyone.

SideOrderofChips · 23/08/2015 18:34

I dont think YABU in all fairness OP

We all survived as kids with colouring books and books to read during things like this, why kids can't nowadays i do not know.

Theres no guarentee them being on a tablet will be any better is the noise from the tablet. Kids can cope without it for a day!! If they can't then there are serious issues.

YeOldeTrout · 23/08/2015 19:58

A bit of boredom never killed anyone.

Yes, but keeping kids from fidgeting fighting tinkering fiddling & being generally annoying & distracting when they are bored witless might be enough to make me parents want to kill them. It's supposed to be a pleasant social occasion, not an ordeal.

If someone is going to ban EVERYONE (why just ban the kids?) from looking at devices all afternoon they need to state that obviously on the invite so that folk can plan accordingly whether to decline or leave their kids with someone else, etc.

MegBusset · 23/08/2015 20:03

I think yanbu! I wouldn't dream of letting my kids play tablets during an event like this, it's so rude! It sounds like a lovely fun event and it's only three hours, I'm sure nobody will drop dead from lack of a screen!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 21:24

Yeolde ... teach them some manners of how to behave at social occasions, and they wont fidget... you need to expect more. How else are they to learn? And parent using the tablets to control their kids is avoiding teaching them.