kids, tablets / ipads and naming ceremony

[weeonion]

Quite prepared to be told I am (thinking of) being unreasonable ... .and wanted to canvass opinions.

we are having an afternoon naming get together for dd2 in a couple of months and getting ready to send out invites for about 60 adults and 15 kids. The kids will range in age from 8 months to 11 yrs old. There will be a mixture of family and close friends. It will be from 2.30 - 5.30 and an informal thing in a large venue which has a beer garden and large outside space for kids to run around in. The more "formal" part will last around 45 mins with both do and myself speaking along with her nominated "guardians". There will be a buffet provided at 3.45.

am I being unreasonable to not want the kids to be sitting playing on their tablets all afternoon? I especially dont want it during the actual naming itself. I know 45 mins can be a long time for some kids.
it seems that any time we go out with certain family groups, their young kids have the tablets out from the minute they arrive until they leave - including during eating meals. They never really speak to anyone but are focused on their technology. It has been this way since they have been aged 2 or 3.
With friend's kids - it hasn't been so much like this but a couple of them aged 6 have their tablets with them everywhere but know not to bring to our house on playdates as they are put away to encourage the kids to play with each other.
there wont be entertainment for the kids as such but each if them will be given a party bag at beginning with colouring in books, craft sets etc and one area of the room will be an arts n crafts station along with board games and toys for the younger ones.
maybe I am being incredibly unreasonable, old fashioned and out of touch but would really love it if there could be at least part if the afternoon when they were switched off.

what do you think??

The kids handed tech at the slightest hint of impending boredom are being poorly prepared for life. They are let down by their parents.

This is why you see teens and young adults stuck to their phones at restaurant s, a moments silence must be filled with something .

I really wonder how these people are going to cope in ten years time, having grown in a world where sitting on a tablet/phone in social situation s is normal to them, because their parents foisted the device on them at every chance.

I mean, it already annoying when people have their phone at the table, but there'll come a day when its considered "normal" as some kids will not know any different.

Yeah. At what stage are 'we' expecting these kids to be able to handle normal situations without their hands and minds full of tech?

Ye gods 45 minutes is very long for a naming ceremony.

I don't think it's unreasonable not to want tablets at the ceremony but it might make it less enjoyable for some of the adults.

I think I would not worry about it too much and just concentrate on having a lovely day.

It wouldn't even occur to me to bring tablets. I agree with Sally. We had children of varying ages at a 1hr church service for my daughter's christening a few years ago. Didn't see any iPads or phones out...

OP YANBU for not wanting children to on the tablets; however I do think YABU for thinking that children will be remotely interested in the "naming" bit (especially the younger children)

The naming ceremonies that I have been aware of were when the baby was very young and this was when the family/friends were going to find out the name, so there was some suspense to the event. You said it will be several months away, so how old will the baby be? Have you already named her/announced the name? (Just being nosey here!)

I love the idea of an arts and crafts station but have to accept that not everyone is this way inclined. If I was having some type of ceremony I would prefer some level of quiet rather than loud, unsettled children so would probably be resorting to some form of tech for my own children.

Glad to see there is a buffet; most NC's I'm aware of have involved a "bring and share" picnic. Enjoy the day, and congrats on the new baby.

If the children who are handed technology to sit still doomed to being poorly prepared for adult life, does the same apply to children who are handed a colouring in book?

Or is that somehow superior?

Perhaps.

but tablets are engrossing and the person on them tends goes into zombie-grunt mode and kids especially get pissy when you try and take it off them etc. you could do a naked rain dance on your hands and sing The Wheels on The Bus in the syle of an old Scottish Granny and people wouldn't even notice.

However, when you're colouring in (or similar) you're less absorbed and less irritated about being interrupted and can often carry on proper conversations when doing it.

How many people have ever complained about having to limit "colouring in time" as opposed to screen time?

I don't think you're unreasonable to be somewhat dismayed that the afternoon will probably be people in the same place but mentally elsewhere. And while I get that the proposed ceremony will not be riveting for most children, I think the defensive posts from many really do show a depressing reality that many people will not allow their children to be bored and will not expect their children to behave appropriately. 45 minutes being polite is not an extraordinary burden.

You'd hardly leave your kids glued to a device at a funeral, I imagine? But if they aren't building up their competence in sitting quietly, how will they manage?

45 minutes being polite is not an extraordinary burden.

^This. In a nutshell.

Not an extraordinary burden, but let's face it, a very great many adults can't do it, either. I'm a failed parent on so many fronts by MN standards I don't really care if this gets added to the list.

Courteous thing is to explicitly tell your guests in the invite if this is an important issue to you. Then they can decline or be prepared.

You're right, some adults can't do it - presumably because they never learned as kids. I would expect my dc to suck it up.

The OP has said that she isn't going to stop anyone from using tablets. She is just hoping that they might have the courtesy to avoid it. From what I've seen on this thread, it looks like she is being overly optimistic.

I wonder how any of us survived in the days before iPads!

This is depressing....we will end up totally unable to manage without constant electronic stimulation. Have read of "Mind Change".

The ceremony sounds very boring and pointless. I would be glad of an iPad if I were in the audience.

mama I don't think you're invited.

At the last wedding we went to we kept ds quiet and sitting with snacks, headphones playing music and fiddle toys. When he is older he may graduate to a tablet. Sometimes you have to do what it takes.

Gutted.

from my own perspective i have to say this would be one of the very few occassions i would allow the DC to use the tablet.

i reserve it precisely for the type of event where i want to engage with and listen to what is going on and for DC to be quiet and not try to kill each other for an hour

i don't get why (wholesome) colouring is ok but tablet use is not, but for a bit of relief from "i can't find the yellow" "XX is using the colour i want" "i've goooooonnnneeee out of the liiiinnnnnessss" "mummy what colour are propellers" etc it's the tablet i'd turn to

We do this to keep ds calm not to stimulate him.

I used to keep my dd quiet by explaining to her in advance that it was really important to sit quietly and show respect for other people's special occasions, and reminding her of this if she happened to forget. That's what my parents did with me, but perhaps I'm old-fashioned.

I would have been really upset if a child had an ipad at my wedding. No wonder people want childfree occasions.

I think it depends on the age of the children. Anything above 7 or 8 then I agree that they should just sit through it and put up with being bored. I don't see anything wrong with much younger children being allowed a book or small toy or iPad though.
45 minutes does sound an awfully long time for everyone though.

That doesn't help if you have a child that doesn't understand or one that has poor self control or one thats finds a room full of people very stressful. Not saying these will be true of any of the children the op is inviting but it will apply to some children.

Well, yes, if SN are involved, it's obviously different, and I guess parents just have to go with what works. I think an NT child should be able to cope with a bit of boredom, though.

Not always obvious though which is why someone telling guests not to use ipads etc may not go down too well.