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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

kids, tablets / ipads and naming ceremony

103 replies

weeonion · 23/08/2015 01:24

Quite prepared to be told I am (thinking of) being unreasonable ... .and wanted to canvass opinions.

we are having an afternoon naming get together for dd2 in a couple of months and getting ready to send out invites for about 60 adults and 15 kids. The kids will range in age from 8 months to 11 yrs old. There will be a mixture of family and close friends. It will be from 2.30 - 5.30 and an informal thing in a large venue which has a beer garden and large outside space for kids to run around in. The more "formal" part will last around 45 mins with both do and myself speaking along with her nominated "guardians". There will be a buffet provided at 3.45.

am I being unreasonable to not want the kids to be sitting playing on their tablets all afternoon? I especially dont want it during the actual naming itself. I know 45 mins can be a long time for some kids.
it seems that any time we go out with certain family groups, their young kids have the tablets out from the minute they arrive until they leave - including during eating meals. They never really speak to anyone but are focused on their technology. It has been this way since they have been aged 2 or 3.
With friend's kids - it hasn't been so much like this but a couple of them aged 6 have their tablets with them everywhere but know not to bring to our house on playdates as they are put away to encourage the kids to play with each other.
there wont be entertainment for the kids as such but each if them will be given a party bag at beginning with colouring in books, craft sets etc and one area of the room will be an arts n crafts station along with board games and toys for the younger ones.
maybe I am being incredibly unreasonable, old fashioned and out of touch but would really love it if there could be at least part if the afternoon when they were switched off.

what do you think??

OP posts:

KittyandTeal · 23/08/2015 08:04

If it were my family as a guest if say fab for the whole afternoon, dd 3yo wouldn't have the iPad if there was other stuff.

However, unless you wanted constant narration and very loud questions all through your naming ceremony I'd cut some slack on the iPads then. It is often out last resort but has worked during weddings.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/08/2015 08:08

I'd rather the kids were playing on their tablets than running wild or chatting during the service.45 minutes is quite a long time to expect children to be quiet for and even though the occassion is special for you and your family, it is not particularly appealing to a young audience.

MsJamieFraser · 23/08/2015 08:08

You can't really dictate what others do with their children, you can say you don't want gadgets there however don't be surprised if they do turn up with them.

YANBU.

SteggySawUs · 23/08/2015 08:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable in wishing kids weren't on screens rather than engaging in what's going on or playing (and a naming ceremony isn't particularly different to weddings, where I wouldn't expect a child to be on a tablet during service) I think your best strategy though is to make sure the entertainment options you provide are more appealing than screens. Can you hire any garden games or a bouncy castle?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 08:23

Wow, im surprised at how many if you think this is ok, 45 mins is nothing, mine wouldnt be allowed screens, and id expect them to sit quietly and watch. Its how they learn about celerbrations and traditions. Its rude to the host. The kids will have each other so you dont have to out do the screen for entertainment.

queenrollo · 23/08/2015 08:37

I have a 10 year old and a 2.5 year old. We were at a family wedding last weekend. The ceremony was 20 mins long....and in that time my DH had to take the youngest into the lobby three times as he was just bored with the whole sitting nice and quietly. He is not remotely interested in colouring (and the bride provided personalised goody bags for the kids, age appropriate) or activity books.
We don't take the tablet out with us to events like this, but I do have a couple of games on my phone. I didn't get that out either as he wouldn't have played quietly with that! Even with the sound off he's have shouted about the tractors and cheered every time he completed a puzzle on the game he loves.
The 10 year old was bored witless, but at least understands how to sit quietly. When he was 5 or 6 though he would have fidgeted and been a pain.

There were other kids there. Some sat nice and quietly, some didn't. It hasn't mattered what i've done, I simply don't have children who sit quietly at this stuff.....

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable not wanting tablets - but 45 mins is way too long to expect young children to behave, and not all of them will be kept happy by arts and crafts or colouring (which my 10 year old would hate)

OddBoots · 23/08/2015 08:37

I can understand your wishes but if these children are as used to having screens as it seems they are then they are even less likely than other children to have learned how to sit quietly without them. They are a kind of electronic comfort blanket.

19lottie82 · 23/08/2015 08:55

Sorry, but IMO naming ceremony's are just a bit.......... Pompous!

I don't really get the point of them, especially a ceremony. They just kind of scream I really want a party / presents for my new baby but feel the need to dress it up as almost a christening but I'm not religious. Sorry.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 09:01

19 assume thats the same for resister office weddings?

vestandknickers · 23/08/2015 09:12

It is up to the children's parents. It might be your 'do', but you have to accept that the children will be bored and you can't lay down the law about how their parents keep them quiet. I doubt many would even consider playing on devices once there is an opportunity to eat or run about.

Hamiltoes · 23/08/2015 09:14

Oh hardly sally getting married isn't reserved for religious people. Baptisms and christenings are.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 09:27

If I took my dd to a social occasion, I wouldn't dream of taking a tablet for her to play on. Surely, such occasions are partly about our kids learning to socialise, no?

Having said that, I don't think I'd be terribly bothered about how other people's children chose to occupy themselves. At least they will be quiet. :)

MidniteScribbler · 23/08/2015 09:27

Forty-five minutes of parents giving speeches and children singing and I'd be reaching for my iPhone as well. Really, how long does it take to say 'this baby is called Persephone'?

Regularhiding · 23/08/2015 09:32

I'd tell my own kids if we were going on no account should they take phones/ tablets .
what's a naming ceremony exactly ?

frenchcheeses · 23/08/2015 09:34

I'm not actually sure what I think about this one as a 45 minute ceremony is rather long unless you're directly involved in it.
On an aside I went to a restaurant last week and there was a family of 4 at the next table. The 2 kids were on their tablets from the moment they sat down to the moment they left and the parents had minimal interaction with them other than to ask if they wanted chips (it was a Korean restaurant).
I'm tempted to say unless they're your kids it's not your business.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 09:34

Lots of people see christenings as little more than an excuse for a party tbh. Why shouldn't people who aren't religious also have opportunities to mark and celebrate events that are important to them?

Lots of people like the rituals and traditions associated with religion, but don't believe in the stories that go alongside them. There is nothing pompous about wanting to hold their own version of such events.

I never did anything like a naming ceremony for dd, but I can see why the OP might want to. Personally, I can't see why a christening would be any more legitimate a reason for a celebration.

queenrollo · 23/08/2015 09:35

There's nothing wrong with having a humanist naming ceremony. I'd rather that than people having baptisms and christenings when they never attend church, and aren't religious at all.
It's just become the norm in this country as organised religion is the state default.

So as weddings aren't reserved for religious people, neither should a naming ceremony be reserved for those of faith either.

Kampeki · 23/08/2015 09:36

Agree queen

CambridgeBlue · 23/08/2015 09:49

At a 45 minute naming ceremony featuring songs by children I think I'd be on my tablet

OP I'm completely with you, I hate seeing kids (or adults come to that) engrossed in devices, especially in social situations. Unless there's a good reason I don't see why someone can't sit still and pay attention for what is essentially not that long. I laughed at Rainbow's remark above because tbh the kind of ceremony you're planning would not be my kind of thing at all but if you were nice enough to invite me and my family I think we'd manage to sit politely through it without resorting to phones/tablets.

So I don't think YABU to wish people wouldn't bring them but sadly I don't think you can dictate what other people do.

buffyajp · 23/08/2015 09:50

A baptism is not a naming ceremony though, it is about welcoming a child into the church and in the Catholic church is the first sacrament. Personally I don't particularly have an issue with naming ceremonies but I find it funny that the official part is twice as long as a Catholic baptism takes. Makes it all seem a bit twee to me but each to their own.

FarFromAnyRoad · 23/08/2015 09:50

Agree with others - 45 minutes of talks, speeches, singing by and for people who are precious to you is going to be nothing short of 35 minutes too much for most other people and especially their kids. Let them play with their tablets. In fact I think you should provide tablets for the adults too! This 'naming ceremony' is longer than some weddings!

00100001 · 23/08/2015 09:53

I always wonder that if less than 45 minutes is too long for a child to sit nicely and not be in their tablet at 11, then at what age would it be unacceptable for someone to sit in a tablet during a ceremony? When are kids supposed to develop an adult attention span if they've never been made to develop any?

I mean if 11 is OK to be on a tablet during an important family occasion, then 12 is OK too? 13? 14? What is the "cut off"???

00100001 · 23/08/2015 09:54

farfrim why bother going if you're not even going to watch??

MidniteScribbler · 23/08/2015 10:08

Why shouldn't people who aren't religious also have opportunities to mark and celebrate events that are important to them?

I'd have no issue with a friend saying 'come over for a BBQ and a few drinks to celebrate the new baby'. I'd even take a lovely gift to celebrate the new arrival. But a forty five minute 'naming ceremony' including singing is not a religious ceremony with a purpose for it. The child already has a name, and with parents each giving a speech, children singing, lighting candles is just putting on a performance for the sake of it.

KittyLane1 · 23/08/2015 10:09

45 minutes....I would be fighting DD for the iPad...

Two 5 minute talks about one child? Do you realise how hard it is to talk for 5 minutes? What can you possible have to say that will take this time?

Joking aside, I do agree it would be rude for an older child to pull out an iPad/book/Crossword during the ceremony but I really don't get why a colour in book or art thing is preferable to a tablet? Times change, tablets are cool and desirable now, and without her kindle my DD talks

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