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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I toilet train my 2.5 ds? AIBU to admit I don't know where to start?

38 replies

GlitteringJasper · 22/08/2015 23:00

Feel like worst mum in world but my 2.5 year old ds isn't toilet trained when his other friends are.

I've bought potty, steps pull ups etc but I really don't know where to start.

I put him on the toilet and he likes it but he won't do anything in it and after a while asks to get off it.

I always thought he's be able to tell me before he needed to pee etc but speech us v poor so that's no likely.

I don't know what to do to do it.

Please help, what worked for you?'

OP posts:

Loki17 · 22/08/2015 23:04

Put him in pants - proper ones. Ask him every half an hour if he wants to pee. Put him on the potty, praise every time he pees/poops. Go with him and do not tell him off if he has an accident. Also, give yourself a break. 2.5 is about average for potty training.

BarbarianMum · 22/08/2015 23:12

We did it with bribery. Technique similar to above but taken once a hour to start with to 'make room' for a jelly tot. After a week of this started leaving it more and more to him to tell me when he needed to go.
We had a good deal of accidents for about 3 weeks, then fine for months, then a slight regression when he got bored with the whole thing and kept leaving it too late, then fine again.

This was with ds1. He showed no signs of being ready but was quite amenable to giving it a go. At 2.5 I'd say try if you want to but don't push it if he's resistant. Or equally leave it a few months.

Whatever you do, do not lose your temper though (voice of bitter experience, ds2).

BarbarianMum · 22/08/2015 23:15

Sorry, meant to ask. You say his speech is poor, how is his understanding. Because if you are not sure he can understand what you're asking of him, then I really would suggest you leave it another few months at least.

QuiteLikely5 · 22/08/2015 23:17

Ok, buy him some special undies, with a pic of his fav cartoon character on.

Pop them on, say how amazing they are.

Put him on potty every ten minutes. He will pee on there. And then go from there.

If he pees his new undies constantly he just isn't ready.

DisappointedOne · 22/08/2015 23:19

Wait till he's ready. That's him being ready, not you feeling peer pressure and trying to force him when he's not ready. Buy/borrow "the no-cry potty training solution" and do nothing further until you have.

WhatWas · 22/08/2015 23:20

Give him loads to drink and try stopping using nappies cold turkey.

We found being a bit cross and dissapointed when they had accidents worked. I know lots of people would disagree but it worked for all of ours. It obviously wouldn't work if the kid was having genuine 'accidents' rather than one that happen because they are too engrossed in something more interesting.

CruCru · 22/08/2015 23:20

I didn't potty train DS until he was nearly 3.

Put him in big boy pants (I used pull ups at night still). Have a potty in every room. Make sure that you don't have any plans for the next week.

If it is taking ages or you aren't getting anywhere, he isn't ready and you need to put it off for a few months,

CatsRule · 22/08/2015 23:20

We didn't do the battling. He had been interested in the toilet so encouraged him and left it when he refused. At his 3rd birthday he was telling me about a girl in nursery who he liked and she uses the toilet. I asked him if he wanted to wear pants and use the toilet like her and he said yes. He was fine and got it straight away. I knew he could do it but he had to make the decision...it's his nature with things like that. I may sound lazy but I really didn't see the point in stressing him or I out over matter of months in achieving it.

Notfastjustfurious · 22/08/2015 23:24

Don't. Just wait until he's ready and then it just happens without any 'training' from you. I was exactly the same as you stressing about still being in nappies at 2.5 but at 2.10 it was all over and even night nappies were gone before she was 3! Turned out that she was ready and that was that.

PollysHoliday · 22/08/2015 23:29

Pirate Pete and the Potty is a helpful story book.

Encourage him to copy you and sit on the potty when you go to the loo. He might not do anything but the association will start.

Teach him the words or signals you want him to use for wee, poo, willy and bottom. Talk about all of them. In the same way you ask what colour the bus is ask him where pee comes from, where poo comes from, what a potty is for.

Start by having a potty near to hand at all times so when your son wants to go, or more probably starts to go, you can shove it under him. Then praise him. Positive reinforcement. Give him confidence that he is doing well. Try having him naked on the bottom half to begin with as it removes a hurdle. Slowly build up to wearing pants, then trousers, then the potty left in the bathroom.

Be prepared for some regression at different stages. That's fine, no big deal. Just go back a step and build up again.

I think it's important to make them feel encouraged but not under pressure or stress. Celebrate every success. When your son has an accident agree with him it's a shame but never mind he can try again next time.

I know different people who didn't bother to try to potty train their DSs until 3.

LillianGish · 22/08/2015 23:32

Agree with all those who say take his nappy off and put him in pants. Then keep putting him on the the potty and praise/reward like mad when he does something. If he's ready he will get it quite quickly, if he's hopeless then go back to nappies. Be prepared for a few accidents - I think it's best to pick a week when you can stay around the house and don't have to keep putting a nappy on "just in case". It takes a while to get the hang of it so you need a longish stretch with no nappy to practice. The trouble with pull-ups and modern nappies is that they work too well - they are designed for kids to stay dry and comfy so if you've got a child who is a bit lazy then it's much easier to wee in a nappy than break off from what they are doing to go to the loo.

PollysHoliday · 22/08/2015 23:36

Also give it a go if you think the time is right. If it's obvious your son isn't ready stop and try again a few weeks later. If your son isn't ready don't set yourself up for weeks or months of battling.

WhatWas · 22/08/2015 23:41

I understand that it's ok to just wait until the child want to stop but I honestly think that there is nothing wrong with pushing them to do it a bit sooner. I think it can cause more issues leaving it later and leaving it up to the child. Near 3 year olds aren't know for their willingness to embrace change.

It's must be much more comfortable for them to be out of nappies and it is something that they can be proud of. I know it depends on the child but I think it's worth the effort to try and get them potty trained sooner rather than later. Even if you change your kids nappies very regularly it still stinks. I know it's natural and normal but there is no getting away from the fact that it's very unpleasant.

It save lots of money too. I have four kids born at 2 year intervals and I was very motivated to not have more than 2 in nappies at any one time.

I know my 'harsher' approach won't work for all kids and that some genuinely have difficulty controlling themselves.

littledrummergirl · 22/08/2015 23:53

Invest in a good carpet cleaner, there will be accidents.
I put a potty in the main room we used, took the nappy off in the morning and encouraged them to sit on it. Lots of ott praise when they did a wee.
It took a bit longer for a poo and they liked to go in the garden if we were out there and I was reading or busy with siblings.
It can take a while so be patient and don't keep stopping and starting.
Ds2 was helped by chicken pox, he was uncomfortable in nappies, Saw ds1 using the potty and loved being a big boy.

DisappointedOne · 22/08/2015 23:54

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of evidence that it's not at all best to "push them" before they're ready. Did you expect your 6 month old to walk?!

BrendaandEddie · 22/08/2015 23:56

Don't ask them if they need a wee. They have no clue. Bribe with sweets. Take to lol. Don't leave house for two days. Day three you'll be ready to give up. Don't.
(Nights totally different )
Pretend to find parents to tell them your kids done a wee.

I never bothered with potties. Just use the loo

LillianGish · 23/08/2015 00:32

Did you expect your 6 month old to walk?! How is that remotely comparable with teaching a 2.5 year old to use a potty? I wouldn't expect a 6 month old to walk, but nor would I leave a two year old strapped in a pushchair because it's easier to get around like that rather than holding their hand and going at their pace while they learn to walk (which is the equivalent in my opinion of 'waiting until they are ready' not because they are not ready (which some children genuinely might not be) but because it's easier than having to find a loo and accommodate a toddler getting the hang of it).

DisappointedOne · 23/08/2015 01:16

The OP clearly stated that the pressure was coming from others,not her own child being ready. My DD walked at 9 months. Her friends started much later - some as old as 14 months. Their parents weren't in the least bit bothered. Somehow it's different when you want them to learn another physical skill.

TheAnswerIsYes · 23/08/2015 01:33

Don't give in to peer pressure, wait until he's ready. You will save yourself and your DS a lot of stress and lots of children that toilet train too early regress later anyway.

My DS was 3 and a bit went I felt he was ready. We did an afternoon of nappy off time in the garden with no accidents so I left his nappy off when he came in. He understood what the potty was for and would take himself there when he needed. He was obviously ready and was dry with no accidents during the day and was dry at night after a few days too. It was so easy compared to some of my friends toilet training their children I would definitely recommend waiting until your DS understands and is willing and ready rather than judging him by what his peers are doing.

FeelsLikeHome123 · 23/08/2015 01:38

Great timing! We started toilet training today! I got pull ups (I'm going to use nappies on dc (2.9years) at night until we have the day training done), a reward chart/sticker book set, water proof mattress protector and a potty. I have googled and found a method called Three Day Toilet Training by The Baby Centre. It will no doubt take longer but it's a start.

HalfATankini · 23/08/2015 06:48

I totally agree with those that say wait. My dd was 3.6 (horror!) when she got it but she did it in a day. It was her choice after me hinting heavily for weeks In total she had 2 accidents. No stress, no wet carpets, no staying home for days on end.

I had tried 3 times before and it was utterly awful (one time resulting in her withholding wee and ending up at the doctor but that's a slightly different issue). I completely understand the peer pressure (from them or you!), I felt quite embarrassed and frustrated about it but now it's done it's all forgotten.

Mermaidhair · 23/08/2015 06:57

Biggest tip from me is to put the potty in the living room. Let him get used to seeing it and sitting in it. Then graduate to sitting him on it without pants on. Then start asking him if he needs to do a pee or poop. Make a huge deal out of it when he does either. Mine also liked to save the evidence to show Dad. I can still remember their happy little faces! It helps to if he has a favourite TV character, to talk to him about how Dora or whoever it is these days, likes to use a potty. You will be fine. But yes expect some accidents.

lanbro · 23/08/2015 07:09

Definitely don't beat yourself up about it, 2.5 is perfectly acceptable, boys tend to be a bit later anyway don't they?

Booboostwo · 23/08/2015 07:35

If you try to train him my feeling is that you may end up having a long and miserable time with it. Ignore what your friends are doing, they may have been lucky, they may be exaggerating. I did very little with DD, I.e. We had a potty, she saw us going to the toilet and that was about it. One day when she was 2.8yo she said she wanted to use the potty/toilet. We had 2-3 days of the odd pee accident and that was it. Two weeks later she said she didn't want a diaper at night and never had an accident then either. It's been more than two years since and she's only ever had one accident with pee because she didn't speak up at creche.

goblinhat · 23/08/2015 07:42

I didn't potty train.

Easier to wait and they do it themselves. My kids were just shy of 3 years old and went from nappy to big toilet in a day. Dry from then on, day and night. Easy peasy.

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