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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a pro-Dad thread?

112 replies

SarfEasticatedMumma · 20/08/2015 17:10

I love the father of my daughter, because he is faithful, hardworking, loving and my best friend. He is also a fantastic loving father to our daughter.

I am not and never have been 'a viper'.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 20/08/2015 18:09

You want to congratulate fathers for essentially being fathers?

Most of us are showing our pride in the various father figures in our lives, people we don't just lump together as "men". Is that not a nice thing? I think dp would be pleased that I was writting nice things about him for a change Smile I often ask his opinion on stuff I see here. His response to "The Hack" was "are you still on that?"

If the point of groups like DadSecurity is they want more access to their children, they are going an odd way about it. Hmm

DepecheNO · 20/08/2015 18:12

I actually really admire you for the idea even if some people mistook it for snark.

On topic: just this morning I was listening to Pink Floyd and thinking about how I miss my father. He died when I was seventeen, in an accident. We had our differences, but he was a gentle man and worked his socks off so that our mother could stay home with us because that was both of their ideal. I feel myself having more and more in common with him as I age, and it saddens me that he's not here to enjoy 2015 with me, meet any potential grandkids, see my brother graduate, etc, even though I appreciate that growing old and losing independence would have been hard for him so he may not have wanted it any other way. For everything, thank you, Dad!

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 20/08/2015 18:12

I think it's incredibly naive to think that the people claiming that MN is a hive of man-hating bitch feminists have simply got the wrong idea because they didn't look hard enough, bless their hearts, and a thread like this will make them realise their mistake.

For many people, a group of women unapologetically expressing their own opinions is perceived as a threat. These are not people I feel the need to alter my behaviour for in an attempt to make them like me more.

wickedlazy · 20/08/2015 18:13

That's exactly what the hackers hate, that woman can come here and have honest opionions, logical solutions and take no shit. MN is the best moderated of any website I have ever used. They feel threatened by this, because they are not the kind of men who usually appear on best dad lists, and exactly the kind woman often come here to ask advice about.

Backforthis · 20/08/2015 18:15

The thread was started with good intentions.

ShakeATower · 20/08/2015 18:15

This feels a bit silly. I doubt DadSec is reading.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 20/08/2015 18:15

If the point of groups like DadSecurity is they want more access to their children

If DadSec has claimed this, does anyone actually believe it? Of course they tried to tack themselves on to a somewhat legitimate-sounding cause. Admitting they just hate and fear women and wanted to invade their space and wind a load of them up isn't going to make them look good.

lastuseraccount123 · 20/08/2015 18:16

we are not man haters. we never were manhaters. Speaking for myself only, I have nothing to prove to the hacker fuckwits. They're not interested in the truth of what a site like mumsnet is ANYWAY, just their immature rage (for whatever reason) against women. So it doesn't matter if we have an entire thread of unabashed man love. That won't change.

GloGirl · 20/08/2015 18:17

What I've found more than anything is how position the equality is towards men. When I joined I thought it'd be a "Men are feckless" website because that's what I thought women in groups were like.

Actually, everytime I've seen a poster try and insinuate her husband is being a twat but it's to be expected because he's a man there are so many posters telling her she's wrong. That their fathers and husbands are helpful and respectful people.

I've wanted to tell DadSec that he's a twat, not because he's a man but because he had a mother. Chances are at one point she wanted to throw him put of the window but didn't, because she had support. It might have been from her partner, her family or even the state.

In these modern times when we move away from our support networks, online places like this are so important.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 20/08/2015 18:18

I love this thread but tbh I don't think mumsnet-haters are up to be reasoned with.

They want to paint us as man-haters so they can feel justified in dismissing us. I've been there, done that, tried to convince others that feminism doesn't equal man-hating. Waste of time and breath.

But in the spirit of the thread I do love my dad to bits. He's incredibly generous with time and money and gives me good no-nonsense advice when I'm really down.

lastuseraccount123 · 20/08/2015 18:18

fwiw the book Angry White Men gives a good insight into thinking like this. it's about their sense of entitlement and perceived grievance, not reality.

dilbert19912 · 20/08/2015 18:20

Forget feeding the trolls shite, before all the hacking etc Ive seen many posts where people are saying positive things and why they appreciate their other halves.

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2015 18:23

i'm not pro-dads or anti-dads. Or pro or anti-mums.

I'm pro-good parents and nice people and anti-arseholes. And I utterly refuse to roll over and flutter my eyelashes and tell the arseholes "oh, we're lovely really, honest! I think men are wonderful- especially when they babysit so their babies' mummies can go and get their hair done. Please don't be cross with us!"

Sallystyle · 20/08/2015 18:24

Why do people never start threads about how wonderful women are?

I never get praised for being a hands on mum or a good wife Hmm Except from my husband of course. My husband has never been asked if I pull my weight with housework and neither have I been fawned over for taking my child to the park, or cooking and doing the night feeds. Pfft.

Even here there are some examples about how great their husbands are because they care for their children or cook. I don't feel lucky that my husband does that; I would accept nothing less or expect anything less. I think when we praise men for doing such basic things we are saying that is something unusual, in my world it isn't, and I grew up with a sociopathic father. My husband is a wonderful husband and father and I adore him, but him caring for his children and doing our housework doesn't come into it.

I know this thread is about trying to prove certain people wrong about us being man haters, but I have nothing to prove. They can think what they want.

Sorry.. got on my soap box a bit there!

YouBastardSockBalls · 20/08/2015 18:24

I utterly refuse to roll over and flutter my eyelashes and tell the arseholes "oh, we're lovely really, honest! I think men are wonderful- especially when they babysit so their babies' mummies can go and get their hair done. Please don't be cross with us!

Spot. On.

chris71 · 20/08/2015 18:25

As a father, I feel so good to read this thread :)

Shutthatdoor · 20/08/2015 18:28

The thread was started with good intentions.

Exactly

wickedlazy · 20/08/2015 18:33

Are the type of men who end up hating woman not more likely to have issues with learned behaviour? They saw their father do it so they do it. Is this not why pregnancy can be a trigger for male on female domestic abuse? And why woman are encouraged to leave misogynists, before their own children end up with issues?

Or do some men just end up being misogynists, despite uprbringing? (Genuine question).

thehypocritesoaf · 20/08/2015 18:35

Good intentions- yes- but good intentions to prove the critics/tossers wrong.

That IS naive.

tigerscameatnight · 20/08/2015 18:40

I'm pro Dad
My friends husband is an amazing Dad.
My yet to have children male best friend will be amazing.

There are great Dads and rubbish ones just as I know some Mums who should never ever have the care of children.

wickedlazy · 20/08/2015 18:49

I didn't post nice things to make a point (although I did write about my ex experience to prove a point). I posted nice things because you don't often get to share stuff like this without ending up de-railing or boasting etc. What I said is my honest opinion. Different if I was arse licking a stranger, not alking about family.

Agree the "pro-dad" wording not the best choice, but we all knew what the op meant, and that it was started with good intensions.

wickedlazy · 20/08/2015 18:59

You don't like to see posters defend themselves against critical, vocal misogynists, by showing they do have positive relationships with "dads"? (Or have been fucked over by an ex and hope to meet a decent guy in the future).

florentina1 · 20/08/2015 19:01

My 3 kids are in their 40s. They often ring up my OH to go on days out with them.

They are so lucky, I,lost my lovely dad when I was young.

thehypocritesoaf · 20/08/2015 19:04

You think critical and vocal misogynists will read this and go:
'Hey fellas, call off the hacking, they're actually a lovely bunch who love their dads!' ?!

ZombiesAteMyBaby · 20/08/2015 19:52

You think critical and vocal misogynists will read this and go:
'Hey fellas, call off the hacking, they're actually a lovely bunch who love their dads!' ?!

This! ^

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