Aibu to feel uncomfortable about this?

[pressanykeytobegin]

My partner and I have been together for 3 years and have a 15 month old baby. I didn't go back to work after maternity leave as my salary was close to the cost of childcare and neither of us liked the idea of him being in full time childcare. My plan was to register as a childminder so i can spend time with my own child, have company for him, and also contribute financially (albeit not at the same level as my partners earnings). His dad has repeatedly expressed his disapproval to this, telling me I should get a "little job" in a shop in the village. His last reason for disliking it was "the neighbours might not like cars coming to drop children off"

We currently live in a house that he bought prior to meeting me, and it is up for sale. We are looking for a new house to buy.

His dad has been asking for a while for him to go round for a discussion so he can talk to him about things without it being in front of me. My partner this evening has said it will most likely be about mortgages.

Aibu to think that it's a bit weird to need a conversation about mortgages to be held in some kind of secret meeting?

It's not up to his dad. And you're right, any discussion that affects your future should involve you.

I can see whynhisndad might think that I don't need to be involved as the house is in my partners sole name, but I just think they're bound to discuss what I'm planning to do, and so they're then taking about me without me being there? I wouldn't discuss my partners financial issues with my family and tell him that it has to happen behind his back so I can't help thinking for him to do the same to me is a bit unreasonable.

Sorry for typos. I can't type well on a tablet and have a sleepy baby on me too!

Let him crack on. Your dp will tell u anyway

Whose name will the next house be in?

And yanbu, I would be uncomfortable with this.

Is the house your DPs or his dad's?

Either way it's none of his business- why haven't you told him to butt out of your job plans? What does it have to do with him?

What I think is weird is him going over there, with or without you. What does any of this have to do with his dad anyway?

He's being summoned over there like a naughty little boy to justify himself and be told what to do by daddy?

Screw that.

If he had even a small bit about him, he'd say no dad. I don't need to discuss my financial matters or mortgage decisions with you, this is between me and pressanykey. We will discuss and decide.

His dad has no say in this. I think it is bizarre that he is summoning your partner. A fully grown man, with a family, in order to discuss your family's private financial business. I mean, who does he think he is?

Sorry the house is DPS house, not his dads. The next house will be in just DPS name.

If it is relevant, we see his dad every weekend, and I always pop in if I am passing so that he gets to see DS (who absolutely lives his grandad and he dotes on DS too). So this isn't just to see Dp, it was a specific request to go round without me as apparently he can't talk to dp about it any other time as we are "joined at the hip,"

Strikes me as really strange. Did he give an indication that the chat would be about finaces/mortgage stuff or did your hubby just guess that was what he wanted to discuss. Could it be something personal to your FIL not relating to you and your husband?

If it's a financial discussion, it seems a bit off that you be left out of any discussion and that your FIL would feel the need to get in the middle of it.

Totally weird. He could just phone him

So you're not married, you have no rights to the home, and no job.

Op, that's a really precarious situation to be in.

I hope the new house will be in your name as well, at least.

but what's it got to do with him? Don't you find it odd that he even thinks he has any authority to demand a discussion without you there?

I have to say, I'd think a lot less of my husband if he meekly trotted to daddy on command to discuss our affairs!

If they're not married, op isn't working and it's mortgages she may not be able to co own the next property.

if you are not married and have no income then you are in very precarious state if you are not put on the deeds/mortgage of the existing and on the new house. you will not be entitled to anything if you split. or if he dies eg accident.

your child will - but you will not.
do not move unless dp agrees to put you on house .

and get whatever job suits you and your family - nothing to do with dp's dad!

Her name can certainly be put on the deeds. Why not?

Op you need to protect yourself.

Phoeberdoos: he is going for the chat (or meeting as his dad calls it) now so I don't actually know yet what it's about, I just asked my partner and got the response "it will be about how much can I get on a mortgage probably,"

Zzzz no he doesn't. He apparently lent some money towards the despoit many years ago but my partner took a small second mortgage and paid him back and paid it off .

Thehypocritesoaf. I keep seeing posts about that to people in similar situations and have asked him what it means, as he is a solicitor, and he just rubbishes it and says its nonsense

You can co-own without having a joint mortgage though.
I really wouldn't be happy about the whole situation op. Not just the overly involved father but you have no job, no claim on the house so absolutely no security for you if your relationship breaks down. I know you don't want to think about that but as someone who has been there you really really have to.

Hypocrites the mortgage company may well not allow that if she's not on the mortgage and if she doesn't earn anything / didn't contribute to deposit she maybe well not be

Sorry that first sentence meant to say the mortgage company may not allow her to be on the deeds

That's what I was told, that you can't be on the deeds if not on the mortgage .