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Christening money (more WWYD?)

76 replies

QuizteamBleakley · 18/08/2015 00:50

Less AIBU, more What Would You Do MNHQ - can we have a WWYD thread?

Have been invited to Christening of a friend's DS who was preemy 5m ago but is now catching up to and exceeding some milestones.

I'm not religious, personally, but respect those that are and for me a Christening is a great way to bring friends and family together to celebrate a child. I usually buy a book treasury (not a bible) or silver money box for such an occasion but the invite asks for cash to be given to the parents, in lieu of a gift.

Can I give a gift directly to the SCBU that helped their DS (and make said donation in his name) or should I just give the parents the cash and let them do what they want with it? Or shall I do what I usually do and get a silver keepsake engraved??

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Buxhoeveden · 18/08/2015 00:55

Can I give a gift directly to the SCBU that helped their DS (and make said donation in his name)

Probably best not.

or should I just give the parents the cash and let them do what they want with it?

Easiest option

Or shall I do what I usually do and get a silver keepsake engraved??

I have to say it's what I would do. Or probably the book, in fact.

(There is a WWYD forum here somewhere - very seldom used)


YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 18/08/2015 01:05

Just give cash if that's what's been asked they want as a giftIt's up to them what they do with it. None of our kids are christened but we did get some silver gifts when ds was born. They have never been out of the box we put them in. Any money they get we put in their savings account. Actually now they're older and don't toss aside notes in cards like they used to we let them spend half and save half of all cash received as gifts for birthdays or Christmas.


MidniteScribbler · 18/08/2015 01:06

I would be giving a gift (or just not going). Asking for cash is tacky at the best of times, but for a christening it is just cringeworthy. There is not a chance I would be handing over any cash.


StrumpersPlunkett · 18/08/2015 01:09

Sorry I wouldn't be giving cash either go with your gift. Not a donation
Unless you call and say what a lovely thing they are doing having a collection for scubu instead of gifts who should you make he cheque payable to?


ReginaBlitz · 18/08/2015 01:30

Its cheeky asking for cash imo. I would give them a cheque made out to the charity.


WorraLiberty · 18/08/2015 01:37

You do whatever you want to do.

You are the gift giver, therefore no-one has the right to tell you what to give...because then it's no longer a gift imo.

I've never heard of a request for cash as a Christening present. I think that's extremely tacky and not in the spirit of things at all.


HirplesWithHaggis · 18/08/2015 01:41

WWYD I'd be unhappy giving cash, but if they have a savings account for the baby I'd pay into that.


ShanghaiDiva · 18/08/2015 02:03

Agree with Worra - tacky to ask for cash and do what you want to do.


Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 03:01

It's not tacky to ask for cash. The baby was born early and the family could have been financially impacted by this. Also, given the astronomical cost of university and house prices they have probably asked for cash to start a savings account for the child.


MidniteScribbler · 18/08/2015 03:08

It's not the role of guests at a function to provide for medical expenses, university or future housing. A gift is very simply a gift, not something you can request or demand of another person.


UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 18/08/2015 06:11

It is horribly tacky to ask for cash, unless it's been made explicit that it's for a charity or the SCBU where the baby was cared for.

I'd take a lovely book.


Runningupthathill82 · 18/08/2015 06:21

Asking for cash at a wedding is bad enough, but at a christening?! Why not be done with it and start for birthday parties too. DS is three soon, I might look at it as an opportunity to start a university fund.

Anyway. I wouldn't give cash, I'd buy a nice book and write something personal in the front.
Usually I give a large, illustrated hardback complete Winnie the Pooh or similar at these occasions. Waterstones stock decent christening-type books if you're avoiding Amazon.


AuditAngel · 18/08/2015 06:43

If you don't want to give cash, give a cheque made out to the child. They can pay it into his bank account. Mine all had an account at that age.


Mermaidhair · 18/08/2015 07:21

How tacky asking for cash.


PrimalLass · 18/08/2015 09:13

I'd much rather give cash to go in a child's savings than add more tat to their house.


canyou · 18/08/2015 09:20

I prefer to give gifts but as the mum of a premie I can understand the financial pressure they may be under, Mums mat leave used up before baby is home, heating on to max in summer, Dad losing money as missing a days work due to a health crisis/ call to hosp. Travel to various Dr's clinics etc adds up. We are not in UK (Irl) and the cost of vit supplements etc are huge never mind the Dr. Dont judge her please she may need this money for DC day to day care ir just to at home a little longer. On the other hand they may be setting up a savings acc for DC.
What about buying a prize bond in DC name, The DP can cash it in if they want or hold it until DC is older.


Peacheykeen · 18/08/2015 10:45

Maybe they just want to put some money in a savings account for the baby. I had quite a bit of money in cards for dc's christening and I put it straight into their savings. I agree with pp though do what you want to do


hibbleddible · 18/08/2015 12:28

I agree it is crass to make a request for cash gifts.

I would just give whatever gift you were planning on giving.


Starbrite00 · 18/08/2015 12:32

Are they asking for cash so they can donate to neonatal? If so then give them a donation.


Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/08/2015 12:36

It's a bit rude and presumptuous asking for cash. I mean you can't just rock up there with £5 can you.
£10 you'd just get away with. It's certainly not critisizable.
So if you are struggling just give £10
If they got that off everyone they won't do too bad. But if you can afford £20 then even better but I definitely wouldn't go higher than that.


Birdsgottafly · 18/08/2015 12:39

I don't understand the unwillingness to give cash to people that are supposed to be your friends.

Why "give cash" to a retailer in exchange for something not wanted? My eldest DDs Christening gifts, went into my loft in a box, they were binned by her, because they didn't age well, so whoever gave them might of well as put there money in the bin. I say the same over cards, because they go straight in the recycle bin.

I can't imagine having a Prem baby, with all the stress that accompany's it, then people who are supposed to care about this, give you a load of stuff that fills your house, whilst there was a big present that your child could of enjoyed.

Keepsake gifts were lovely, when people didn't live long, have disposable income and every WC family would lose at least one infant.

These days, they are a pain, for most people who want to live clutter/crap free.


trilbydoll · 18/08/2015 12:39

For a christening, I would only give cash in the form of a cheque payable to the baby I think. They'll have control of his bank account, they can spend it if they want to, but at least it's making the point it's for him.


CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 18/08/2015 12:43

I would have no problem giving cash - I expect it's destined for the child's savings account, not on a new flat screen TV for them all, although as a pp said, having a preemie can involve a huge amount of additional costs and there's no point having a solid silver money box on the shelf if there is no food in the cupboard...

Or give a keepsake if you prefer. That would also, I'm quite sure, be received with appreciation and thanks.


WoahBodyforrrrm · 18/08/2015 12:44

I don't request anything for my kids birthdays/christenings etc as a gift is a gift imo. But I'm so glad my guests tend to give my children cash rather then silver money boxes etc to be stored until they leave home for years in the loft or be sent straight to the charity shop.

I had twin prems and financially it impacted us hugely. Not just because my OH is self employed, but the cost of hospital parking, the odd cup of tea during the day etc all adds up. Having said that, I wouldn't have used any of their money to recoup those costs, it all went in their banks as goodness knows our children are going to need every penny when they're older.

If it bothers you that much that your 'friend' has dared to ask for money, just give them nothing at all. After all, we give gifts (whether money or possessions) because we want to, don't we? If someone asked you what you'd like for your birthday, would you be cheeky, tacky or crass if you replied by saying actually yes...... Hmm


Oysterbabe · 18/08/2015 12:44

I'd just give them cash if anything (although I agree it's a bit off to ask for it at a christening!).
I hate token trinkets and it would end up in the loft / charity shop for sure.

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