Christening money (more WWYD?)

[QuizteamBleakley]

Less AIBU, more What Would You Do MNHQ - can we have a WWYD thread?

Have been invited to Christening of a friend's DS who was preemy 5m ago but is now catching up to and exceeding some milestones.

I'm not religious, personally, but respect those that are and for me a Christening is a great way to bring friends and family together to celebrate a child. I usually buy a book treasury (not a bible) or silver money box for such an occasion but the invite asks for cash to be given to the parents, in lieu of a gift.

Can I give a gift directly to the SCBU that helped their DS (and make said donation in his name) or should I just give the parents the cash and let them do what they want with it? Or shall I do what I usually do and get a silver keepsake engraved??

Thanks in advance.

[UrethraFranklin1]

We have a WWYD topic.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/what_would_you_do

[Noodledoodledoo]

None of my little ones Christening presents were the type that would end up in the loft - jewellery, treasury of books, one ornament, bible, handmade item.

I have a standard present half of which is a nice toy and a childrens bible - mainly due to the fact I loved my children's bible.

I do however have a lovely relative who always gives me money for their bank account - has said in the past they get so much so she would prefer to give them money - I am happy with this and completely understand as we do have a lot being the last in the run of hand me downs in lots of directions!

I would either do your normal present or a cheque in the name of the baby.

[Floggingmolly]

It's outrageously tacky to ask for cash at a Christening. Gifts aren't even traditional anyway; beyond the odd silver tankard or bible, and that's generally from Godparents / close family.
Someone mentioned the spiralling costs of university and housing ??
You don't start a university fund with money demanded from all and sundry at the child's christening, you just don't.

[Viviennemary]

I think it's incredibly cheeky and grabby of them to ask for cash. And in the invitation Not sure what I'd do. There is no obligation to give a present for a christening IMHO. Some people do and some don't. But demanding money is just not on. I'd just go ahead and buy a gift if you want to. And it's up to them what they do with it. I don't think I'd give cash.

[littlejohnnydory]

Those of you saying give a cheque made out to the baby - many babies and children won't have a bank account. Mine don't and ime only those with wealthy family who can save for them would.

[littlejohnnydory]

I'd get them a book as usual.

[WoahBodyforrrrm]

^^my kids are unknowingly building up a nice little egg towards their future. And what's wrong with that flogging?

When they're in their 20/30's and trying to get on the property ladder, it'll come in nicely. My saved birthday and celebration money from childhood, meant we could pay stamp duty meaning we could look at houses over £250k at the time. If I didn't have that, we would have ended up with a tiny house which we would have fast outgrown after the arrival of our twins (no 3/4) And we're so greatful that the money had been put aside for a time when we needed it.

Each to their own. Give what you like and if it sticks in your throat, give nothing.

[Bilberry]

I give engraved silver teaspoons for family, usable ones and not silver plate, sort of a tradition but silver seems to get more and more expensive so only family. Otherwise, a nice children's bible - after all at a christening you are welcoming the child into the family of God and promising to bring them up knowing Christ (they make their own decision about their faith later) so a bible will help them do that. Otherwise stay away from engraved boxes or anything twee and think in terms of a small birthday present so something useful or money for the child.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

Asking for cash instead of christening gifts is definitely tacky.


Tackier than 'if the caravan's a rockin' don't come a-knockin' signs. And they're pretty tacky.

[Floggingmolly]

Not a thing wrong with it in principle, Woah. I'm doing the same thing for my kids, as it happens. But I sure as hell didn't get the begging bowl out at their Christenings.

[Heels99]

I had twin premature babies can't think of any additional costs. You would buy cups of tea if your babies were not premature. Parking was free for nicu patients.

Anyway, I wouldn't give cash I would give a book

[Noodledoodledoo]

littlejohnnydory if they are asking for cash I would assume its for the baby so would make it out to the baby. Its not hard to open a bank account for them and if its to just be pocketed by parents I would be put out - if I was asked to rewrite the cheque it would be replaced with a book!

I agree with others it is a tacky request but may well be in a minority.

[Want2bSupermum]

bodyform I am so with you. All gifts are looked at and some are returned with the cash going into their saving accounts. DD has just turned 4 and has just over $25k in her college account. DS is 2.5 and has just over $15k in his account. This money is going to give them a great start at 18 when looking to go to college.

I think this whole clutching of pearls when asked for cash is totally unnecessary and done by people who don't have kids. As mentioned unthread no one questions giving cash to the shop to buy the gift. There is a girl in DDs class who is one of 9. She doesn't get a birthday party and we give a gift plus cash. I also always include a gift receipt with the gift incase she wants to return it for something they need. The mother thanked me and said they used the cash to take their family out for ice cream to celebrate the little girls birthday.

[Floggingmolly]

I have three kids, Want2b. and a ton of class, that probably makes the difference

[Werksallhourz]

Crikey, some of the strength of feeling about this subject on this thread is fascinating.

Dh and I both come from cultures where you would not do anything but give cash as a gift for the baby. It's about ensuring as a family and a community that each baby born has the basics and a small financial nest egg from the start. It's, I suppose, an equality thing.

I also think that if there is food at the christening, it is rude not to give a gift be it financial or otherwise. Otherwise, you are just getting a free meal.

In Northern working-class communities, there used to be a postwar tradition to give a baby some premium bonds if you were a little bit more flush than the parents, so gifting money for savings isn't that out of the box.

Gifting silverware at a christening seems to be somewhat of an upper class aristocratic practice whereby you give such a decorative gift for the sake of giving such a gift because you know the child will actually want for nothing. I wouldn't have thought most newborns in Britain were born into such circumstances.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

Everything's a money making exercise these days.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

"Money making exercise"? Yeah, that's why people have children and have them christened - to make a few bucks

[MitzyLeFrouf]

It would appear so.

[hibbleddible]

There is nothing wrong with saving for children. Nobody has an issue with that.

What lots have an issue with is specifying what kind of gift can be given.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

Werks - you've just reminded me that DS's child trust fund was opened using the coins that Northern / Irish / Scottish friends put into his hand when he was a baby (a traditional symbolic gesture to ensure that he won't go without, I think?)

[Binit]

If the thought of giving cash to the parents irks you, just give a cheque payable to the baby. If you give something unwanted, they could easily sell it or bin it.

[WoahBodyforrrrm]

at the begging bowl.

Lucky for you heels as I stated my OH is self employed so no work for him, no money and our hospital gave reduced parking fees so not the £4per hour but it still wasn't cheap for the day. And yes if you had a simple in out birth you'd be buying the cups of tea, what, for a few days max? We're talking weeks on end here, and yes there was a kitchen with a kettle in scbu but sometimes, a walk to the cafe to take a break from that stressful environment was all I'd look forward to all day.

I just can't understand the resentment people feel toward gifts to other people. I would far rather anyone who felt that way, stayed away from my child's happy day. As I said I'd never ask for money for my children, but would never begrudge giving it to others or cut off my nose to give them something they wouldn't like just out of spite. It's not me.

That sounds brilliant want2be!

[Heels99]

My dh was back at work day after birth whilst babies were in scbu. I think it's the norm. It's just not possible for anyone, whether self employed or not, to be able to take weeks off whilst babies are in hospital unfoetunately.

[Heels99]

But regardless of that a christening present is to welcome the baby to the church not to reimburse parents for parking or any other baby related costs

[UsedToBeAPaxmanFan]

I've got no problem if someone wants to give my child a monetary gift, and am very grateful.

I've got a real problem with people specifying that their child should have a monetary gift.