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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christening money (more WWYD?)

76 replies

QuizteamBleakley · 18/08/2015 00:50

Less AIBU, more What Would You Do MNHQ - can we have a WWYD thread?

Have been invited to Christening of a friend's DS who was preemy 5m ago but is now catching up to and exceeding some milestones.

I'm not religious, personally, but respect those that are and for me a Christening is a great way to bring friends and family together to celebrate a child. I usually buy a book treasury (not a bible) or silver money box for such an occasion but the invite asks for cash to be given to the parents, in lieu of a gift.

Can I give a gift directly to the SCBU that helped their DS (and make said donation in his name) or should I just give the parents the cash and let them do what they want with it? Or shall I do what I usually do and get a silver keepsake engraved??

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 18/08/2015 15:52

We have at least 6 silver money box's per child and several memory books ect each. They are lovely but sit in a big box in the loft as we have no where to put them

Runningupthathill82 · 18/08/2015 16:14

Purple...so? What's your point? That you should therefore have been entitled to ask for a financial contribution in lieu of said silver moneyboxes?

Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 16:58

Running The point is that having items up in the loft is rather pointless. A gift of cash can go a long way to welcoming the child into this world.

I think there are a bunch of people who are all caught up in appearances rather than practicalities. Very few children are born with golden spoons in their mouths. We are very well to do and even we have to think about how we are going to fund things like college, housing and holidays.

MitzyLeFrouf · 18/08/2015 16:59

You may need to think about college, housing, and holidays but guests at a christening certainly don't.

brokenhearted55a · 18/08/2015 17:06

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BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 18/08/2015 17:07

I think cash to the parents is maybe best. I have to say, the silver stuff, imo, is pretty useless. I'm from a large Catholic family and we've got loads of the things and no one ever reallly knows what to do with it. I know it sounds ungrateful and obviously appreciate the time and effort gone into the Gifts, but I don't know what I'm.supposed to do with endless supplies of silver spoons and napkin rings.

brokenhearted55a · 18/08/2015 17:09

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Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 17:27

Well by the time a christening arrives it's a bit late for that brokenhearted.

I've been to quite a few christenings and I give cash. One child was born into a very wealthy family (billionaires) and then we gave them a George Jensen child silver cutlery set along with a hand illustrated bible. Cash would have been a silly gift for that christening. Very few children are born into families who are that wealthy.

Heels99 · 18/08/2015 17:27

A christening guest is not responsible for a child s housing or education a token gift is all that is required. Our vicar suggests a jesus jigsaw!

brokenhearted55a · 18/08/2015 17:31

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Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 18:00

Not always is it my choice. Quite a few invitations say 'cash gifts preferred'. I'm fine with following what the host(s) want.

Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 18:05

You bring a gift to a christening, just in the same way you bring a gift to a wedding. I don't think it's rude of the host to specify what they would like as a gift.

I would never show up to an invited event with no gift unless the invite specified that.

MitzyLeFrouf · 18/08/2015 18:08

I’ve never seen any reference to gifts when being invited to a christening. Maybe it’s a regional thing, in Ireland where 90% of babies are christened they're still mainly (although I’m sure there are blingy exceptions) fairly casual affairs where there wouldn’t necessarily be an expectation of gifts from all attendees.

MitzyLeFrouf · 18/08/2015 18:09

Whereas wedding gifts would definitely be expected.

Floggingmolly · 18/08/2015 18:10

It is rude in any circumstances at a Christening, where it's not traditional to shower the baby with gifts at all - that will have happened at the child's birth.

A Christening ceremony is really not on the same level as a baby shower / party, although the fact that it's usual to feed and water your guests seems to have caused confusion for some people.

MitzyLeFrouf · 18/08/2015 18:11

I get the impression you're in America Want2be, maybe it’s different there.

Floggingmolly · 18/08/2015 18:12

Are you in the U.S., Want2be? The home of the baby shower...

brokenhearted55a · 18/08/2015 18:21

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Postchildrenpregranny · 18/08/2015 18:23

In the days when we were were regularly invited to baptisms, we used to give a Premium Bond .I understand that now only parents can buy them and the minimum has gone up?
I think things like bibles should be gifts from godparents (only).
I would be horrified if anyone suggested on the invitation that we gave any gift , financial or not, in the same way as I think it's rude to send out your gift list with your wedding invitations (and I expect to be thanked politely for a gift ). You wait to be asked . But I am probably hopelessly and quaintly out of date

Viviennemary · 18/08/2015 21:35

People should not request gifts of any kind on an invitation. It is the height of rudeness. If they are asked what they would like then they may express a preference. But they must wait until asked. What is so difficult about that.

FeelingSmurfy · 18/08/2015 21:46

A friend requested money and then spent over £200 on a -hideous- outfit for the child, which was worn once, don't think she even got a photo of her wearing it. I was really glad we hadn't given money!

I think it's odd to ask for money, but it depends on the family and your own feelings towards giving money, if you would prefer to give something else then do, a book or donaiton would be great (silver things often don't get used though)

CaptainHolt · 18/08/2015 21:57

If you like them give cash.

If you don't like them don't go.

If you think they are tacky/grabby/classless people out with begging bowls then it doesn't seem worth agonising over. If you think they are nice people then why not give them what you know they want (cash). I'm always baffled by the number of people who seem to get invited to important events of people they can't stand.

Want2bSupermum · 18/08/2015 22:22

I am in the U.S. but I'm English and grew up in the North West. There is zero need for the snidy remarks regarding baby showers. They are separate and not connected to a christening. I wouldn't ever show up empty handed to a christening regardless of how formal or informal the event. If the parents want cash why not stick it on the invite rather than deal with people asking or you spending your time returning or selling items you don't wish to store in your loft for the next 25 years? Makes total sense as people are not telepathic.

barbecue · 19/08/2015 00:53

I'd give a gift, not cash.

MarionHaste · 19/08/2015 01:05

We once gave a relative a fairly substantial sum as a Christening gift, thinking it would be the start of a nest egg which we would add to at subsequent birthdays etc. The parents used it to take the baby on a Caribbean holiday. The following year we gave clothes..

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