AIBU to ask if anyone else hates social engagements and wishes everyone would leave them alone?

[messalina]

Just that really. To the outside world, I come across as sociable, entertaining (well, I like to think so) and friendly. Inside, with about ninety per cent of social engagements I am just thinking "When is this going to be over?" or "How can I wriggle out of a return match?". I have a very demanding job, a beautiful DD and a lovely husband I want to spend time with, a hobby I absolutely adore (running on my OWN). There are some social engagements I genuinely look forward to so I am not a complete sociopath but I am getting particularly fed up with certain categories esp mothers of DD's friends who want to befriend me and I have NO TIME! They are lovely, but I would rather be on my OWN or with my FAMILY! I also get bored of socialising after about 2-3 hours. I have had it by then and just want to go home and unwind.

Is it normal to see socialising as a form of duty rather than a form of fun?? Or are you all social butterflies? Most days I do just want everyone to F* off and stop asking me out for dinner/coffee/lunch/walks. Am I a total cow for feeling this way? Everyone is lovely but I crave time alone.

I feel the same! And I've trapped myself in a job where I feel like I need to have a smile plastered on my face 24/7. My DH is also very sociable but he's happy to let me sit things out if u can't be arsed I love nothing more than a night in to myself lol

Lottapianos I'm the same. I don't drink a lot so I actually feel like the conversation can be really forced on my part and I have to remind myself to look interested in people's stories!

I understand.

I also appear extroverted, have a job that involves talking and being surrounded with demands all the time (which I love, actually), but I find parties, enforced fun, and large gatherings stressful and frustrating. I don't drink much and my hearing's not that great.

But I am now in the situation of not getting invited to things and feeling left out and I brought it on myself by being antisocial when life was busier, I was tireder, and the kids were younger.

I think, though that I want it all ways - I want to be invited so I can not go.....

extraverted

YANBU

I hate being anywhere that is very crowded or noisy. I'd much rather chat to one or two of my friends at home over a cup or tea or in a quiet pub than struggle in a busy restaurant or worse still at a party. I have slight hearing loss and really can't follow a conversation if there is a lot of background noise. The last restaurant meal I went to, I went outside each time anyone from the group wanted a cigarette in order to escape!

Oh yes, I totally understand. I crave time alone too. Large, loud social gatherings can make me feel like my ears are bleeding and the top of my head is going to fly off at any moment. I just have to get out of there. I like people in small groups or on their own.

Actually, I think most people, when you talk to them, don't really like large groups that much. I know a few people who really love parties, but I know some who hold them because they prefer that to going to them - more control over the situation.

you were right the first time, yarp

Oh, I thought it was introverted and extraverted - will check!

"Trouble is how do I get out of neverending cycle of social engagements?"

Is this a stealth boast? Just carry on saying no to the invitations and they will soon dry up.

OK, I am a little jealous as we lead a quiet life. Both OH and DD are introverts and sometimes I get a little bored with just staying at home all the time.

AF

It's extraverted. Makes sense i think - extra means outside or beyond

Another introvert here so I understand everyone completely.

I cross roads and hide in supermarkets if I see someone I know - just to avoid the boring small talk! I've even gone shopping to the next town along to reduce the risk of bumping into someone I know . School runs are carefully choreographed to avoid neighbours and lessen the chances of boring fucking idle chit-chat.

Text and email is such a wonderful thing for me. I hate the phone when it rings I run away and let the answerphone take it.

I do have good friends who I love to see and who don't drain the life out of me but even with those I can only happily manage half a day.

Very important to learn to say no thank you. I used to be a gold medal standard people pleaser and wore myself out trying to not let anyone down. These days I put myself first and life is a lot more pleasant. If an invitation sounds like it will be hell, I decline. If it sounds like it might be tough but I might still enjoy it, I go along. And I have a firm "no hen nights, no baby showers' rule as both of those things being me out in hives at the mere thought!

Yanbu! I hate social engagements, especially work related (and I have a lot of those where I work). All I can think of is how tired I am and how much more I would prefer to sit on the couch and have a chat with DP. Or just be on my own. I NEED alone time. I like to go see friends every once in a while but I really hate socializing done just for the sake of it.

I don't think so, yarp but on my phone so can't be arsed to check it out

anyway, whatever, we introverts need to stick together

MN does seem to attract introverts, I think. Again, it's communication on our terms.

'I'll have to see'

'I haven't got my diary to hand, will text you'

And my particular favourite:

'I doubt it, will check and if you don't hear back, it's a no'.

Scratch your chin when you say 'I doubt it'. It makes you look like you are really racking your brains to check.

90% of MN are introverts judging by the regularity these threads pop up.

OP, you just have to learn to say the magic little word 'No'. That's all.

Of course it feels strange at first and does not come naturally, but you will soon become more comfortable doing it.

And if people you don't want to socialise with think you are a bit aloof or stand-offish then so what? Who cares?

yes, I know how you feel! I'm an introvert - I love my friends, I need to see them often.

I don't need to do casual socialising. I don't know if it's a London thing but sometimes I feel the invites are too much and worry I'll cause offence and blah blah....I have a theory that some people will turn up to the opening of an envelope. It's kind of like they either need to get away from their home for some reason or are just constantly in need of company.

I had a 40th do yesterday - sort of an all day thing - and today my parents invited me to a do. The do is being held at a restaurant which I really like and has been sold....but I just couldn't face 2 days of group socialising in a row. I would literally spend the whole of tomorrow (at work) mentally shattered. And if I had gone today, I would have tuned out the third or fourth person who talked to me.

having a core of people I'm close to is great, but endless socialising - no. in fact, there's a few friends who go on holiday together - still, in spite of marriage and children in their case, not mine - but while I love them, I cannot spend a week as part of a group of 5 (6 if I joined in). They asked me every year for a few years and no longer ask. I feel a bit bad because we have so much fun here...but a whole week of company? I would lose my mind.

I'm an introvert with reasonable people skills. I like chatting to friends and relatives one to one, particularly if it's someone I really click with. My idea of hell is weddings - there's often 12 solid hours of it, FFS. I'm pained at the very thought. I find that although I sometimes enjoy bigger gatherings, I run out of social steam after a few hours and want to be at home in peace. I love being by myself - not that that happens very often when you have small children!

Yanbu. I don't think I am an introvert, I love going out with Dh, Dc, a few friends and family and my dogs. That's it though.

Absolutely no work do's EVER and no getting to know new people or being forced into various functions thanks.