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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hesitating to return to this doctor after he "tweaked" my nose?

43 replies

Greythorne · 14/08/2015 22:00

First, I am in France, so go direct to Gynecologist rather than practice nurse or GP.

I went for a smear and breast exam last summer. Doctor was very jolly, wanted to speak to me in English even though I speak fluent French (lived here over 10 years).

During the smear, I just casually asked about the episiotomy scar. It is not something I really think about but had two episiotomies and just wondered if there was visible scarring, so I asked.

He replied no, it was all fine. Then added, don't worry, you can hit the online dating sites no worries. Hmm

Then, as I finished the exam and I sat up, he reached up to my face and "tweaked" my nose, like you would affectionately to a child.

I feel really ill at ease about returning to see him this year but can't be fecked to find a new doctor and go through the whole rigmarole of registering and explaining my medical history.

I am now putting off going to have a smear / breast exam. Although I know IABU, I just can't go back to him.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 14/08/2015 22:02

Yanbu, obviously it's inappropriate

I'd have liked it though if he was an elderly, fatherly type Grin

CarlaJones · 14/08/2015 22:06

I think the joke and the tweak were ok really, but if you aren't comfortable then do change doctor rather than not going at all

PiperChapstick · 14/08/2015 22:23

YANBU it's completely strange and inappropriate and I wouldn't go back to him for one moment

Floggingmolly · 14/08/2015 22:26

I don't think the joke us that inappropriate, really. You did ask him to assess the damage, after all, he didn't just comment out of a clear blue sky.

PiperChapstick · 14/08/2015 22:28

Of course the comment was inappropriate. OP was asking if she had visible scars and he, joke or not, made the assumption that she wanted her vagina to look attractive to men. Which is clearly not why the OP askes

Floggingmolly · 14/08/2015 22:30

The scars would only be visible if somebody were to look, though...

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/08/2015 22:33

YANBU, but the nose tweaking has made me really smile. I'm not sure why. I just can't imagine a GP over here doing that. It's an odd thing to do for sure.

Original poster
Greythorne · 14/08/2015 22:33

But the doctor knows I am married with two DC so the joke was weirdly sexual somehow, assuming I wanted a new man to not be aware of my history. I dunno. Maybe I am overthinking.

I just don't want to go back there as I am nervous of what weird stuff he will say / do next time.

OP posts:
VitaminCrumpet · 14/08/2015 22:37

Why are you going back again this year? I don't believe annual checks for your cervix and breasts are necessary.

Floggingmolly · 14/08/2015 22:38

Ah. Him knowing you were married is a bit different, I suppose. Why didn't you ask your DH about the scarring, though? Maybe the doc felt a bit awkward at being asked to comment on what he'd seen and though a joke would lighten the mood?

Original poster
Greythorne · 14/08/2015 22:39

Vitamin - I know, but it is recommended in France. Annual mammogram, too.

OP posts:
VitaminCrumpet · 14/08/2015 22:42

Do you pay privately OP? If you do, it might explain why the annual checks are "recommended". Gotta keep the money coming in and bikini medicine is the best way Grin

Original poster
Greythorne · 14/08/2015 22:47

Yes, I pay upfront, but then it is part reimbursed by the government and the rest reimbursed by health insurance. Smears, mammograms, breath exams, even blood test screening for breat cancer is routine annually here.

OP posts:
ChilliAndMint · 14/08/2015 22:50

YANBU, I had a GP many years ago ask if I felt "frisky" after taking AD's. I went to him with a frozen shoulder FFS.

He got struck off sometime later for shagging a patient( s)

VitaminCrumpet · 14/08/2015 22:53

Well OP, if you are unhappy with this man and you are paying for your care, go elsewhere. It sounds like you have lost faith in him anyway.

PiperChapstick · 14/08/2015 22:55

Ah. Him knowing you were married is a bit different, I suppose.

Hmm so if she was single it would have been ok, she'd have been for game?
And if gynaecologist felt uncomfortable at looking at a woman's crotch perhaps he should get another job

PiperChapstick · 14/08/2015 22:55

*fair game

Floggingmolly · 14/08/2015 22:57

You're right, really Piper. Grin. I personally wouldn't ask how my nethers were looking during an intimate exam, but he is a gynocologist, fair point.

Sallystyle · 14/08/2015 23:05

I think I would quite like it if he tweaked my nose! My dentist knows I am anxious and he always touches my cheek very gently and ask if I am ok.

The joke about dating was stupid, but not totally offensive and I would have probably laughed, but of course if he makes you feel uncomfortable don't go back to him.

ThePhoenixRising · 14/08/2015 23:06

I think a lot of what doctors say and do over here would be deemed inappropriate in the UK.

If my obgyn did that I wouldn't bat an eyelid as he is older and quite avuncular and not in the least bit pervy.

But if it has made you feel uncomfortable then change. Don't put your health at risk by not going for the recommended tests.

I have switched doctors lots over the years here for all sorts of reasons, including one who made an inappropriate remark.

So depends on the context and how you perceive it really.

CupboardOfLoveliness · 14/08/2015 23:10

It wouldn't bother me. But it bothered you and that's the main thing and you're within your rights to change doctors.

plantsitter · 14/08/2015 23:12

I think it's belittling and inapproriate, and changing docs is less faff than getting cervical/breast cancer. Typical mumsnet that people are criticising you having yearly checks - er, not the point...?

PiperChapstick · 14/08/2015 23:48

YY plant typical MN to pick a part of the story and make an unhelpful and irrelevant point! OP pays for healthcare I doubt very much anyone would pass up the offer of more breast or cervical checks

BettyCatKitten · 14/08/2015 23:53

I'm impressed you get annual breast checks/smears and blood tests to detect certain cancers. Shows how crap our health care is.
However, back to the question, that is strange behaviour from the doctor.

pigsDOfly · 15/08/2015 00:05

Well if you paid for it privately via health insurance as the OP does Betty, you too could have it every year.

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