Please reassure me this is totally odd - thank you cards

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Disclaimer: I normally get on very well with my DM

.....however, she has one weakness - thank you cards. Which she basically thinks should be written ASAP. She's been like this all my life so I just do it and humour her. I have a DS2 and a DD1 and her and DF's friends have been very generous sending presents etc to the DC

I use touch note so it's not too much of a ball ache and saves us having phone conversations where she tells me that so and so was worried that I didn't receive their present as they hadn't heard anything from me. Despite me pointing out that she could have reassured them as she handed the fucking thing over two days earlier

Anyway.....last night, another friend of DM's gave her a Christmas decoration thing that she had made for me.

Said friend is currently up biding my aunt (DM's sister) and my DM and DF went out for dinner with them last night where this thing was ceremoniously handed over.

The friend is staying for about a week with my aunt and - for part of the week - aunt and friend will be staying with my cousin.

I said to DM that I would do a thank you card today - can't get better than that, I thought? Particularly as I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and am 27 weeks pregnant

DM has just asked me how long a touch note card takes to arrive. I said about 2 - 3 days. DM thinks I should send the card to my cousin's house so that friend gets it ASAP!!!

I just looked and said to DM that surely the friend (ie DM!) could wait for one week to receive the card when she gets home - particularly as she gave the present to mum so knows it hasn't been lost in the post. Plus, my cousin would probably rightly think I was a right bloody weirdo for using her house as a postbox. And, if it was delayed in the post, she then has to send it on to the friend - which is a bit of a pain.

DM clearly thinks I am being very rude and mean. Please reassure me I'm not losing my marbles. I am 37 years old (but feel about 5) and dreading having to do the thank you cards for DC3 already

This fetish for thank you cards means that I now actually hate receiving them myself - particularly from children. I order most present on line so can clearly see if they have been delivered or not and I couldn't care less if I get a thank you card back or not

devora - if I told my DM about that she would probably come out in hives right in front of my eyes

How do you sleep at night....

YANBU, it doesn't sound like a great situation. Rebel.

Actually, I agree with your Mum, OP. It was Lord Baden Powell who famously said that a present isn't yours until you've said thank you for it; a maxim which I instill in my children year after year.

All we present givers want to know is that the bloody present has arrived.

I'm not being sarcastic xavier - just want to check, so you send thank you notes to the gift giver's holiday address if they're on holiday when you receive the present? (Which is my original AIBU?)

Or do you mean that you send thank you cards, generally? I do too but just not speedily enough for DM (and her friends).

shite - that is so bloody annoying. And then it just makes me feel totally non-compliant. I fantasise about writing: "thank you so much for your horrible present." Obviously wouldn't as that would be ruuudde

"". It was Lord Baden Powell who famously said that a present isn't yours until you've said thank you for it; ""

He also thought Hitler and Mussonlini were "fine fellows" and Mein Kampf "a wonderful book".

Hopefully the children going through schools are now being educated on environmental matters and are minimising card sending. We also have these fantastic new inventions, post War, Mobile phones and Social Media. You can speak to and see people, who are to far away, to not thank face to face. Oh what an age we live in!

The dalai llama actually said: "to expect a card of thanks is to kill a little bit of the recipient's soul"

Do I win?

shite - in the spirit of honesty I must tell you that the Dalai Lama hasn't actually said that. But I can tell he's thinking it....

Good idea re: making your own cards. Or, alternatively, I'd say "thanks so much MIL. I'll leave it here for DH to do later"

Are you my sister?!? My mum exactly same!

Crazy. Just crazy.

I would have lost it a long time a go.

next time she starts, just cut her off and say "I have it sorted", or change the conversation or tell her you need to go as your DC needs x,y or z. Don't discuss it with her regarding when said note will arrive etc.

You mentioned unthread that you had a sister, does she get this too?

My mother doesn't have an issue with thank you cards, but used to take it as a personal affront if birthday cards did not arrive on her birthday or before. If it arrived after (or heaven forbid, not at all) you would hear about it for years to come. And you don't want to know what she did about late or missing Mother's Day cards.

And then one year my brother actually Fedexed a card to her so that it would be there exactly on her birthday.

She finally realized how stupid she was being.

So, if you can afford it, contact your cousin and tell her you're going to overnight a thank you card to this person at your cousin's house and see if that shuts your mother up forever.

Birds-tee hee!!

IME

Rude not to acknowledge a gift...
But
You thank them if given in person.
Or you ring them.
Or you text.
Or you write a BRIEF letter (i do 3 paras - i thanks for kindness, 2,how i much i will use/play with. 3. Telling them a bit abouty life.. 'we are fine and happy in our new house. 4 wish them well.. And sign off. I rarely spend more than 10 mins writing it.

Any if these to be done within a couple if weeks if receipt.. Unless impossible due to illness, death etc...

YouR mymmum is a bully abiut this - Hyancith bucket anyone??

Did anyone else's DM make them write their thank you cards on note paper with very lightly ruled pencil lines on which were then rubbed out before being sent to the recipient?

We also had to do extra neat writing when writing to anyone who was a teacher

I would be inclined to ask MIL to send one on your behalf because you couldn't possibly write them as well as she can

Could you go to Poundland and buy twenty items and some jiffy bags and post one per day to your mum? She might get sick of having to write all those thank you cards and having to refer to your personal circumstances and why she likes the gift each time.

She needs to get a life. Ignore her. You are a grown-up; you don't need to worry about this, or even have a conversation about it.

I like CarlaJones' idea.

Imagine the thank you notes:

'Dear Gobbolino. Thank you for the bubble mixture. I am so looking forward to blowing bubbles. It is raining here today but we are bearing up well. I hope you enjoyed your recent trip to Outer Mongolia. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. Thank you so much for the bag of sweets. When I have got some better dentures I will enjoy pigging out on them. It is sunny today so my washing is drying beautifully. I hope your washing is doing as well in your lovely new tumble drier. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. My sincerest thanks for the two tins of cat food. I will be going to get a cat forthwith so that I can make full use of them. I hope your tumble drier is working again now. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. What a lovely surprise! I had never thought of putting a bare-bottomed gnome in my garden. It will set off the begonias beautifully. Thank you so much. I have no washing or weather news today. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. Thank you for the reading glasses. I have no need of them but they look smashing on the mantelpiece. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. Thank you for the pre-printed thank you notes. I can see that they are a great time saver. Yours etc'

'Dear Gobbolino. Thank you for the pack of ten biros. Unfortunately I am unable to write any more due to RSI in my thank-you-writing hand. I will look at them every time I send a thank you text, as a reminder that I was being a right silly billy about the thank you cards. Yours etc.'

Shodan.

I am crying with laughter. At this thread. Brilliant

Shodan's post reminds me of this which I haven't thought of for years but always makes me laugh:

Day One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again. Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O'Lúnasa

Day Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind.

etc

When your mum next hands over a gift, don't accept it without getting the mobile number or email address of the giver. Then email or text straight away.

When your mum next hands over a gift, don't accept it without getting the mobile number or email address of the giver. Then email or text straight away

Or, always carry a spare card or two in your handbag and screech "Wait! WAIT! I'M DOING THE CARD NOW!" the very second she hands the gift over. You could even, if the gift-giver is a known culprit in the Bad Gifts department, accidentally drop the gift in your haste to pull out your thank-you card.