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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this wedding idea make me stingy/cheap

150 replies

Flissity83 · 11/08/2015 13:32

A bit of advice please...

Me and my partner want to get married but we have very little money due to debts and childcare costs etc...

We'd rather not wait for ages to save some money so I am thinking of ways of having a big celebration but not costing thousands.

Would it be a cop out to have a late ish wedding service (say around 4ish). Then hire a space to have a party. Ignore the sit down meal with speeches but to have a hog roast/decent buffet, some music and some booze. That way people can see us get married and celebrate with us but we avoid all the usual traditions in the middle.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Katie2001 · 12/08/2015 18:13

Another idea - a friend is getting married at Christmas on the basis that everywhere (church, venue etc) will be decorated for Christmas and saves on flowers etc!

Chuckading · 12/08/2015 18:13

This is exactly what we did, got married at 4pm, supplied close family and friends with a couple of drinks and nibbles and then had a party, saved us thousands!We also did it on the Sunday of a bank holiday, were charged same as any other sunday (cheaper!) and everyone still had the next day off.

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 12/08/2015 18:17

people really LIKE helping out to make weddings cheaper - specially people who are married! HONEST . We all know what a waste of bloody money it is!

Get someone to make a cake, or make your own or just buy one from Marks and shove some sparklers and flowers on it

Job done

Viewofhedges · 12/08/2015 18:18

We did this! Village hall. Service then tea and cake and speeches, then games/newspapers then pie and mash and a band. It was awesome. We decorated the hall ourselves, I did my own flowers (youtube will teach you to make buttonholes and tie a bouquet) and we had jam jar flowers in the church which guests carried to the village hall to put on tables, which were 'sit next to someone you fancy.' Mum made a table of sponge cakes. :o) We bought supermarket cava and beer direct from a local brewery. Second hand dress. It was a brilliant day, didn't cost much and we had so much fun. Do it! You'll be relaxed and have fun your guests will probably prefer it to one of those boring posh ones.

Have a lovely lovely time. x

JasperDamerel · 12/08/2015 18:35

Can I hijack a bit and ask a question? Most of my friends have young DC, and find it hard to get out in the evening. What I would really like to do is have a late morning ceremony, provide food, drink and music until around six, let everyone go home to put the kids to bed, and suggest a pub for everyone who wants to carry on partying to meet up in. Would that be ok?

Ariela · 12/08/2015 18:36

We got married in 1997, we had 240 guests plus about 25 kids so probably a tad bigger than you're planning. We hired a marquee, tables and chairs @ £1.2K almost 1/4 of our 4K budget. We also hired china plates which including washing up was about £60, 6 students @ £50 each to help with food, car parking, and to run the bar.

Prior to the event, I bought/acquired some fridges and freezers and made all the buffet food in advance. As it was July we did a pick your own strawberries session the day before and I made some gateuax and apple pies (froze these well in advance) , but was basically salads, cold meats, sandwiches, cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, etc etc.

A friend's brother ran a pub so he supplied a keg of beer and one of lager (wouldn't bother with the lager these days as is well out of favour). We also did a big vat of Pimms (which I adore), and a non alcoholic fruit punch. My work colleagues bought be a food processor as a wedding pressie which was VERY handy for the salads and fruits.

We borrowed the church tea urns cups and saucers, and had set up for tea and coffee serve yourselves.

Flowers were a terracotta plant pot with a church candle stuck in oasis and a few flowers round the side. Our table had a few extra flower baskets to decorate - we gave these away to various helpers.

We hired a bouncy castle for the kids and did a treasure hunt for them and someone brought a mini tractor and trailer and did rides.

One of DH's customers ran a coach company and supplied a coach to take guests to and from the church (as a present). Photographer was friend of a friend. But you could do little cards with login details and passwords, upload a few preparation photos as there is a reason to login and ask folk to upload their photos to a Photobucket or similar site. You'll get everyone being nosey, logging in to see and and uploading off their mobiles as it happens.

We had old vehicles (ours and people we knew) to take us to church. I made my dress £75. DH bought a nice suit £400 - 10% of budget but he still fits it now so had plenty of value from it. Rings were made to measure from local jewellers VERY competitively priced compared to High Street - worth checking this out as the big chains have a monopoly.

wizzywig · 12/08/2015 18:45

looks like we all wanna come to your wedding!! sounds fab

maizy90 · 12/08/2015 18:50

Sounds perfect and in hindsight I wish I had done mine this way. Mine was traditional church, hours Of photos, sit-down dinner etc. I felt stressed and didn't feel like I spoke more than 2 words to anyone as was trying to talk to everyone but there wasn't time due to photos, dinner & speeches. I would have it earlier just so you get to talk to everyone but not so early that people can't have lunch first!
Anyone that complains should be uninvited ????

AuditAngel · 12/08/2015 18:59

My sister is having hog roast for her wedding on 5 th September. She is talking about just having cheese for the evening.

Yum

AuditAngel · 12/08/2015 19:05

Just seen your updated message. Where are you geographically? I'll get my sister to check in here for details for you

thechickenwhisperer · 12/08/2015 19:18

Amazing! Almost exactly what we did - 4pm ceremony, hog roast but as a sit down meal with speeches, then massive dance party. Everyone agreed it was a great day - lots of fun, v informal and very personal. Do it!! A word of warning though - we had only 100 guests (it sounds a lot but the spaces go fast, though we both have huge families), did our own cake and own flowers and decorations, made DD1's flower girl dress, got my dress from a sample sale, rings from a wholesaler and it still cost in excess of £12k. Even DIY weddings ain't cheap!

Flissity83 · 12/08/2015 19:31

Wow I can't believe the response to this. And i've made the Facebook page.

I had thought about how to make it more child friendly being a mum myself and having 30 odd kids on the invite list. Maybe an earlier party is a good idea.

I'm in Bristol so I am looking at village halls etc in the area.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 12/08/2015 20:00

Get a bouncy castle, and if they have a freezer a load of tiptops.

Twink · 12/08/2015 20:57

Doing something similar on Saturday: mum, dad & daughter & 2 witnesses at the registry office then barn dance & hog roast with free bar for friends and family. Hopefully it'll work out okay!

threenotfour · 12/08/2015 21:53

Our wedding was on a budget. Had it in a village hall and loved it. We decorated it ourselves as we did the church. Spent money but not extreme amounts on flowers. Didn't attempt them ourselves. My mum made us a tasty three tier chocolate fudge wedding cake with white roses wrapped around which we served as dessert. People don't want a slice of wedding cake after dinner they only take it to be polite and loads gets thrown away usually. We had a buffet and then got a friend to dj for us later. The day was great and I wouldn't change the way we did it at all. I certainly would never ever swap it for a posh organised do at a hotel or stately home. I loved our relaxed wedding celebration.

Hezaire · 12/08/2015 22:06

No. It's a bloody great idea. I wish we had done similar. You could even do everyone bring a dish

Hezaire · 12/08/2015 22:07

We shared the cake straight after the service with tea coffee in the back of the church which went down well

Lynnm63 · 12/08/2015 22:18

Sounds lovely. Might be nice to have a few words said, even if it's just you standing up, thanking everyone for coming and to enjoy sharing your day with you. Best advice my vicar gave us was that the wedding is one day and marriage is the rest of your life and to just enjoy the day. We had a traditional wedding but with a hot buffet rather than a hot meal just the top table was served as i didn't fancy dragging my frock to the buffet table.

bellbottomedtear · 12/08/2015 22:19

Nothing wrong with that we did registry office home to a gazebo in the garden with music playing food brought from m&s the platters they do. Everyone was happy

IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere · 12/08/2015 22:20

I think it sounds fabulous, relaxed and fun. It's the perfect solution if you are on a tight budget.

mareish · 12/08/2015 23:29

Sounds lovely! Our wedding was booked in the local most glam broom cupboard in the registrar's office in Stratford-upon-Avon, our bridesmaid was my Nan & Best Man a good friend, swor to secrecy & only knew the night before. We had celebrations over the next couple of days as others found out ????

ChishandFips33 · 12/08/2015 23:42

Sounds like a great plan!! - lovely for those close to you to contribute and help
It shouldn't be about the cost but about what's right for you; it's your day. Anyone who loves you would not want you to over stretch yourselves;
Best wedding I went to had hot beef/pork or sausage sandwiches - not a scrap was left, everyone was relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed themselves - hope you have a wonderful future together Flowers

Capewrath · 12/08/2015 23:47

I loathe sit down meals. Sounds wonderful.

Bosschopsbitch · 13/08/2015 00:07

Sounds perfect!!! I got married at 4 with family and close friends, then we went straight to the venue (a restuaranty type place that we took over) where everyone was invited anytime from 5 for tea at 6..... it was hotpot cos I'm a Lancashire lass! Then we had a dj and karaok, and chip butties later on! Amazing day, slightly unconventional I guess but was an absolute blast. I was 30 weeks pregnant and just wanted a bloody good party!! Just do whatever you wanna do....and have fun!!

DoMyBest · 13/08/2015 14:39

Brilliant. Just find a venu that lets you (not them) supply everything, including drinks, so you can bring your own & avoid their prices.

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