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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this wedding idea make me stingy/cheap

150 replies

Flissity83 · 11/08/2015 13:32

A bit of advice please...

Me and my partner want to get married but we have very little money due to debts and childcare costs etc...

We'd rather not wait for ages to save some money so I am thinking of ways of having a big celebration but not costing thousands.

Would it be a cop out to have a late ish wedding service (say around 4ish). Then hire a space to have a party. Ignore the sit down meal with speeches but to have a hog roast/decent buffet, some music and some booze. That way people can see us get married and celebrate with us but we avoid all the usual traditions in the middle.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 11/08/2015 13:43

Sounds fantastic, not mean at all! I love informal weddings. Smile

BlackeyedSusan · 11/08/2015 13:46

much more sensible than spending money you do not have. and sounds fabulous. would love it.

FrancesOldhamKelseyRIP · 11/08/2015 13:46

As a pp said, The key is never to mention the W word. You are having "a party". You are wearing "a dress". You are travelling in "a taxi". Any mention of wg will double the price. Have a lovely day. Nobody will think you're a cheapskate. They may instinctively scale down their wedding presents a bit but presumably you won't mind that. The only reason people might raise eyebrows at a budget wedding is if you had a jawdroppingly expensive Selfridges wedding list or honeymoon voucher website with a minimum spend of 100 quid then people might get a bit narky but you won't do that will you?

PurpleDaisies · 11/08/2015 13:51

Actually I've just remembered another friend did a guest bake off table for puddings after the main meal where there was an official judging by the bride and groom and a prize was awarded. Everyone loved it and you get your puddings for free. This does rely on having a few friends who bake.

ghostyslovesheep · 11/08/2015 13:51

sounds ace!

we did similar (married abroad with no one there) - we hired a local hall, laid on a buffet, DJ, Band and booze

best party ever Grin

Bean89 · 11/08/2015 13:54

We got married a couple of weeks ago and put on a BYOB barbecue. Didn't bother with a seating plan or anything. It seemed to go down really well!

Bean89 · 11/08/2015 13:54

Also we just did a spotify playlist!

LilacWine7 · 11/08/2015 13:54

Sounds great, much more fun than a formal sit-down meal! I think your guests will love it and be secretly relieved not to have hours of waiting around, photo-shoots, boring speeches etc.

BasinHaircut · 11/08/2015 13:59

Sounds like my wedding. Got married at 5pm (last slot at the registry office) and had a party in a pub with buffet.

Spent the wedding breakfast budget on booze as that's more 'us'.

People often tell me it was the best wedding they have ever been to and didn't blend into the blurred memories of all of the other golf resort/wedding venue type weddings they had been to.

Don't think you can go wrong with an old fashioned knees-up!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2015 14:01

Why are you worried that it would make you seem cheap? It's a very reasonable way to do your wedding.

I mostly enjoy weddings, but the only ones I've found less than enjoyable are the ones where food has been skimped/insufficient, and/or there's been nowhere to sit.

So - hire your space, have your buffet/hog roast, but get some chairs/benches and tables for people to sit at as well because even for a few hours, it can be a right pain to have to eat standing up, balancing your plate and your drink etc.

Village halls are great, btw (well they used to be!) - I've even been to a wedding in a Scout hut, which I helped to decorate - no one cared about the surroundings, because we were all there for our friends who were getting married, and there was plenty of food, drink and dancing.

millionsofpeaches · 11/08/2015 14:02

We did exactly that for our wedding and loads of people at the time and since have said it was the best wedding they had been too. Relaxed, inclusive and fun. Go for it.

millionsofpeaches · 11/08/2015 14:03

been to. Oops, finger slipped Grin

fancyanotherfez · 11/08/2015 14:04

sounds great! exactly what we did. Avoids all the day/ evening guests angst, the endless speeches taken off the internet, just the important bits- the ceremony and the wedding. One of you can stand up, thank the guests and do cake cutting, then on to the party!

Stupour · 11/08/2015 14:08

This sounds ace.

The sit down meals at weddings are always horrible. Yes please, tough old boot beef covered in lumpy, luke warm gravy.

The speeches are always really boring and completely self-indulgent. Yes please, I would love to hear all about how some random bloke I've never me is proud of his daughter for having the ability to wear a stupid dress and say 'Yes' in all the right places.

The waiting around is always awkward. Yes please, I would love to make small talk with uncle Billy who I haven't seen in 15 years and who secretly hates me. The alternative is to speak to the bride/groom's family who look a bit rough so best to stay over here with good old uncle Billy.

Any wedding that shaves this agony off is a winner in my book.

jellypi3 · 11/08/2015 14:12

That's what we are doing :D We are getting married in the local village church about 3:00pm, heading over to the village hall, and having a buffet with hog roast for the guests in the evening with drinks and music :)

So I think it's a great idea Wink

Original poster
Flissity83 · 11/08/2015 14:12

Oh excellent. I'm getting excited now. I've never been one for being center of attention and this idea makes me feel much more comfortable.

For being so helpful you are all invited!!

OP posts:
Brambles35 · 11/08/2015 14:14

As long as food is supplied then it's never seen as cheap. The only time 'cheap' is an issue is when there is no food and people were expecting it. Hungry guests are never good. Sounds like a fab fun idea, go for it :-)

Ragwort · 11/08/2015 14:15

Agree with everyone else, there is nothing worse, as a guest, than standing around with a small glass of wine (if you are lucky) and a few limp canapes waiting for endless photographs, or sitting through speeches which are often too long and too painful (public speaking is a real skill - very few people are good at it). What you suggest just keeps all the nice bits of the occasion. Smile

Theycallmemellowjello · 11/08/2015 14:17

Sounds great - I don't think this is unorthodox at all - I've been to several weddings like this. You can also still just stand up at the party and say a few words, there doesn't have to be a sit down meal for there to be speeches.

cariadlet · 11/08/2015 14:18

That sounds perfect - apart from the Hog Roast (but that's only me being an awkward vegan Wink)

whois · 11/08/2015 14:19

Yes having a late wedding at 4pm+ then straight into an evening party and hog roast/BBQ/buffet works well.

Just make sure you do have seating for people.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2015 14:20

But... what about the chair covers?

Grin
LeafyLafae · 11/08/2015 14:22

Wish we had done this & ignored the pressure from family to have a big one invited all & sundry.
When we looked for suppliers, we said it was a retirement party. Only mentioned wedding when it was booked & prices agreed ????

hellsbellsmelons · 11/08/2015 14:24

I agree that sounds like the perfect wedding.
Being at the church, then service, then loads of photo's.
Then off to have a long lunch, loads of speeches, hanging around until the evening guest arrive and buffet served = long, boring day.
Yours sounds fab!
Congratulations.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/08/2015 14:25

Will noone think of the wedding favours? Wink

Sounds lovely! But YABVU for not having any bridezilla wedding angst to share with us!

Congratulations on your wedding I'm sure it'll be splendid! Flowers

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